You've seen these ads hanging out all over the Internet (including, alas, ZUG.com). 

I'm convinced this company could be doing more effective banner ads.  Your job is to come up with a funnier caption for the text on top, but you must keep the "1 flat stomach rule:" part.

My entry:  "1 flat stomach rule:  find an unethical doctor who is willing to perform after-hours liposuction out of his garage"

ionymous 17 6
04/07/2009 11:48 AM

1 flat stomach rule: Stretch marks are forever.

ionymous 17 6
04/07/2009 11:51 AM

1 flat stomach rule:  Lay off the twinkies fatty!

xentar 473 7
04/07/2009 12:05 PM

1 flat stomach rule: why trying to change yourself when you can simply change the curvature of space instead?

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
04/07/2009 12:10 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Use birth control.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/07/2009 12:13 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Vomit after every meal. Remember girls, if we can't count your ribs it means you're not pretty.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/07/2009 12:14 PM

*sigh*

Gonzo 20,522 17
04/07/2009 12:17 PM

"Alcohol: Before and after.  Reality never looked so good."

Closet Friend 7,665 11
04/07/2009 12:24 PM

"1 flat stomach rule:  prostrate

Cut out lifting the shirt and just lay face down with your back arced!"

Chance 171,275 14
04/07/2009 01:24 PM

Haha! Forget about unwanted belly fat, someone needs to help Nutters with unwanted text.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/07/2009 01:35 PM

1 flat stomach rule:Meth, because no teeth is sexier than stomach cheese.

D.B. Cooper 1,800 12 Sings
04/07/2009 02:04 PM

Of all desserts you’ll love the one that tastes so lights and makes such fun. Make Jello gelatin and make some fun. J-e-l-l-o!

Oh and #1 fat drule rule or whatever

Pudding Pops the Rhymenocerus 1,379 9
04/07/2009 02:18 PM

for a flat stomach: Turn upside down and walk on your hands so that all your fat rolls down to your chest. Not only will this give you a flat stomach, but it'll increase your bust-size ten fold!

John Hargrave 128,751 73
04/07/2009 03:00 PM

1 flat stomach rule:  Corsets, ladies!  Bring 'em back!  It's been too long!

MadeInThailand 37 5
04/07/2009 04:30 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Suck it in, but don't forget to breathe!

Rock Lobster is Laying an Egg 18,570 33
04/07/2009 05:18 PM

Number 1 flat belly rule: Take a picture of yourself without your face showing in it, then take a pic of your skinny friend at the same angle and post them to an advertisement to get people to buy your product, ya hack.

Thud 68,506 19
04/07/2009 05:49 PM

I think those are before and after photos for the new "Treblinka Weight Loss Program".  Lose weight in 30 days or else.

manhole 21,656 29
04/07/2009 07:45 PM

#1 flat stomach rule: STOP Frost-ing EATING!!!

Max Coolbody 183 6
04/07/2009 07:46 PM

 1 flat stomach rule: Uppers!  Nothing says calorie burning like crack cocaine!

Test Tube Baby Bunnies 828 5
04/07/2009 08:36 PM

1 flat stomach rule:  Wire your jaws shut and go on a liquid diet of your choice.

I had a friend who got in a wreck and had his jaws wired shut.  Didn't slow him

down at all.  As long as he could still use a straw and suck down the whiskey

he was a happy camper.  The pain pills didn't hurt either.

cihkcen npiples 2,207 7
04/08/2009 02:43 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Take a picture of a skinny chick and say it's you

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
04/08/2009 02:46 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Step away from the cheeseburger!

Pants 14,252 17
04/08/2009 02:51 PM

1 flat stomach rule:  daily annal sex.

Sippin Straw 98,019 37
04/08/2009 08:37 PM

1 flat stomach rule: don't show above the torso or they'll see that the boobs get flat, too.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
04/09/2009 12:24 AM

Pants which annals are you thinking of? Oh maybe you just have one annal you like, Immperial of Rome would be my guess.

Chix is in da house 286,601 61
04/09/2009 07:56 AM

Beer.  Turns the perception of  "A" into "B" in just 6 easy bottle-capped steps.

roadsidepossum 0 5
04/09/2009 11:21 AM

1 flat stomach rule: Localized Time Displacement

Send that Fat back to the Stone Age!

Pudding Pops the Rhymenocerus 1,379 9
04/09/2009 02:37 PM

flat stomach rule: Twist your neck to look behind you as far as you can and walk backwards. "That hunchback has great abs!" they'll say.

TomServo 3,759 7
04/14/2009 12:13 AM

1 flat stomach rule:  Even if you think you are sterile, USE A CONDOM.

Phuc 237,919 21
04/14/2009 05:41 AM

Numba 1 flat stomach rule: Spherize filter at -75%.

Cream Cheese Lobster Dumplings 18,570 33
04/14/2009 03:21 PM

1 flat stomach rule:  Even if you think you are sterile, USE A CONDOM.

Was that a crack at me? You douche nozzle. I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A TRAIN*!!!!!

* A very fluffy stuffed train, made of feathers and pillows. Please don't ban me, John.

guineapig613 51 6
04/18/2009 01:28 PM

Suck your stomach in when you're out in public!

Dougie 59 5
04/18/2009 03:31 PM

1 flat stomach rule: Breathe out, breathe in and HOLD.

TomServo 3,759 7
04/20/2009 10:06 AM

Was that a crack at me? You douche nozzle.

What did this happen to you!??

If it did I am so sorry if I offended you, but you really can't blame me, how was I to know. It's not like you would be dumb enough to post that here.