A nice frothy mug of Undies 99,723 76
04/23/2009 06:08 PM

You don't know me!

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/23/2009 06:18 PM

A mini ode for Undies

The historical fact of thine onion sliver
The meat pie prank that made me a quiver
The contests you've won and made all that money
Believe me dear Undies, I KNOW that you're funny!

Thud 66,695 17
04/23/2009 06:30 PM

Damn Bill, why didn't this side out you escape the box earlier?

Funny Shakespeare dude, keep it going.

Pants 14,213 17 stares at Bill
04/23/2009 06:48 PM

This one is different.
This one is new.
It does not stink
or remind me of poo.
Your poem was quite funny.
My hat's off to you.

Juan Campos 1,173 4
04/23/2009 06:51 PM

you should scold all ten fingers, cause believe me their bad

You're lucky I clicked you before I noticed this heinous grammatical error.

Anh is here. 11,108 14
04/23/2009 07:45 PM

I'm just glad this thread wasn't about me.

Kudos, Bill. Emotional turmoil really makes great poets.

Test Tube Baby 828 5 makes Bill a sammich
04/23/2009 08:00 PM

Want some of this white lightening?

A nice frothy mug of Undies 99,723 76
04/23/2009 08:00 PM

Yeah, I noticed the "their" as well. As such,

for Bill:

Shell. Just Shell 76,640 24
04/23/2009 08:37 PM

Your poem was great,
It gave me a laugh so hearty.
But now the debate,
Will it chase away the offending party?


Nice job, Bill.

Chicken McNipples 2,207 7
04/23/2009 08:50 PM

When you read a post from Bill and you feel something spill.. diarrhea.

TheVelveTurd 6,551 10
04/23/2009 08:59 PM

Far too bold and Frost-ing beautiful, searing, hateful, and true.




You are talking about Test Tube, right?

Shell. Just Shell 76,640 24
04/23/2009 10:56 PM

Some chicken mcnipples would really the hit the spot right now.

Cream Cheese Lobster Dumplings 17,422 30
04/23/2009 10:57 PM

Sounds to me like a certain someone has a bit of a crush on a certain someone else. You should tell them how you feel, buddy*.






* Notice how I was nondescript also, but grammatically correct. GrammarNazi would be proud, and would maybe give me ice cream.

Test Tube Baby 828 5
04/24/2009 12:46 AM

Will it chase away the offending party ?

Only if full blown dementia sets in and I can't find my computer.

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/24/2009 01:36 AM

You would think that I was done with this stuff
Cause anything after the start is just fluff
and filler and post whore Shakespeare by the pile
but I"m gonna go on and on for a while

Undies your first posts are always a hit
And Thud your approval is you know.... it's the Shakespeare
Pants is a guy that I love to talk Shakespeare to
And Juan (don't know him, don't care) hey, is that cool

Anh, hey, what the Frosts with your name
TTB you know, that I know you're a lame
And Undies again, my grammars not well
Your lyrics a wonder, O' wonderful Shell

Chicken mcnipples, You're a dumb Frost-ing twat
But Turd boy, your post was right on the spot
Shell, I would love to and will you can bet
And Lobster, Frost have you had that kid yet?


So last TTB and you know that its funny
My verse wasn't made to make you feel bummy
I'm just making fun, I don't want you to quit
I like all the banter and drama and Shakespeare*




*I wrote this in the order of and as a response to, the people who posted. If you were left out it is because it takes a long time to find Shakespeare that rhymes!

Chicken McNipples 2,207 7
04/24/2009 12:12 PM

Wow Bill. You really know how to make a guy feel special.

Chance IS the giver of life! 171,220 14
04/24/2009 12:17 PM

I think I love you.

MungChamp 35,886 35
04/24/2009 12:18 PM

Look, the Mexicans are holding me hostage here, so I can't talk long. Just wanted to congratulate you on the funny. Throw enough Shakespeare and it was bound to stick eventually. Hell I even animated it for you as a keepsake.

On an unrelated note, the water here is delicious. My colon parasites seem to love it! And the underage chicks at Senor Frogs really seem to dig my receding hairline.

Todo Esta Bien!

Chance IS the giver of life! 171,220 14
04/24/2009 12:18 PM

Bill not Nipples McNuggets.

Shell. Just Shell 76,640 24
04/24/2009 12:22 PM

And the underage chicks at Senor Frogs really seem to dig my receding hairline.


Yeah, they're much more interested in the immense size of your package, uhhhhh.....I mean wallet.

Vaya con Dios, Mung.

Test Tube Baby 828 5
04/24/2009 12:39 PM

I like all the banter and drama and Shakespeare

Absotively !! Uh, Snort you better take a breath.

Mothcleaner 3,704 9
04/24/2009 01:26 PM

Bill, you are my hero, That was awesome!

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/24/2009 02:34 PM

Wow Bill. You really know how to make a guy feel special.

TWAT? I Carroll hear you over the sound of gay you're spreading all over Live. Was it something about a man making you feel special?

Chance IS the giver of life! 171,220 14
04/24/2009 02:35 PM

I want to hump your nose.

Chicken McNipples 2,207 7
04/24/2009 02:58 PM

TWAT? I Carroll hear you over the sound of gay you're spreading all over Live. Was it something about a man making you feel special?

You're a man? I always thought Bill was a girl's name.

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/24/2009 03:07 PM

I want to hump your nose.


I want to let you.


Free musache rides

Free mustache rides ladies, to one and to all
Don't matter to me if you're big or you're small
I'm the man who gives pleasure for a great big long while
If you'd like to try it, hey, e-mail in profile

Test Tube Baby 828 5 tapping foot
04/24/2009 06:14 PM

E-mail in profile

No you dint !

Honest, you didn't. Looked in your profile and no e-mail.

Here you got all these hawt girls lined up and no e-mail.

There's also quite a few guys out here. Uh oh...

Closet Friend 6,622 10 awakens from his coma and looks around in confusion...
04/24/2009 11:44 PM

Sage?    Ima???

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/25/2009 10:12 AM

*I wrote this in the order of and as a response to, the people who posted. If you were left out it is because it takes a long time to find Shakespeare that rhymes!

Doesn't take me long to rhyme Shakespeare,
I mean, how many ways can you type up a fit?
Lobbing criticisms and witticisms,
in a mysticistic mythicism

that's just cynicism.
make fun of my retifism
or my shoes thing
of my choosing
'cause you're not in 'em!

You can't understand where I'm coming from
when I'm cumming fun
while you're Frost-ing dumb.

at least you were, till recently- weren't you married?
can't remember, all your Squirrel posts are buried.
Was her name Mary? Was her c-nt contrary or rarely hairy?

I'll stop bullying you, though, you've had enough and shown you're tough- you've proven fluff in the face of adverse rough.

Now go Frost a drain pipe or find some gas to huff!

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/25/2009 10:25 AM

and please, Bill, whatever you do, keep rapping.

TheVelveTurd 6,551 10
04/25/2009 10:29 AM

Ok we all know that your flows are funky fresh too, Pram. Save your ill rhymes for the next inner city rap battle. There's nothing worse than two wonderbread gangsta's trying out cheese each other. There's a reason white people don't do rap parodies anymore and his name is Robin Williams. Oh and by the way, what Bill did wasn't rap, it was poetry, mean hurtful poetry, but poetry none the less.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/25/2009 10:47 AM

You know, you're right,
dear Mr. Turd Burgle
I fumbled the idea of this thread
like a hurdle

I didn't get the rhyming scheme
right, I'm afraid
and instead I came off
as one mentally delayed

my apologies to Bill
in this, his great thread-
he knocks my song poetry
right on its head

so I promise to him
I will no longer try
but as for you,
you're so gay
I think you're tri!

TheVelveTurd 6,551 10
04/25/2009 10:59 AM

wickiwickiwik chickachickachickacheasey

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/25/2009 12:35 PM

A mini ode to Pram


I verily agree, that you rhyme pretty quick
But the content and context is making me sick
It wasn't well written, I think you should quit
Cause I lost a few IQ points reading that Shakespeare

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
04/25/2009 01:32 PM

Poetry aggravates the recessive gene I have that makes me want to stick screwdrivers into peoples' eyes.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/25/2009 03:20 PM

I verily agree, that you rhyme pretty quick
But the content and context is making me sick
It wasn't well written, I think you should quit
Cause I lost a few IQ points reading that Shakespeare

very well my liege, I'll try to succeed
and when I am done, you will be on your knees
giving yourself head, until you are dead
which is better, I think,
than being Sage, wed.

IAMBIC PENTAMETER ROUND!

O would I were to source
the foul angst in thee;
hither given to rage and much contempt,
to see you as I once were,
never from pain of life exempt

thou mightst throw down thine gauntlet
or with it lay fair, deep gouges in mine face,
but I accepted thy challenge this day,
and throughout this challenge thou lay thineself to waste.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40 jumps up and down on Squirrelly, on a trampoline
04/25/2009 03:22 PM

I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! IWINIWIN!!!!

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/26/2009 11:01 AM

A full sized ode to Pram


I sometimes wonder, what goes thru your head
How you type crazy Shakespeare, that is better not said
You spout out the first thing that pops in your mind
Believe me Pram Maven, I'm trying to be kind

I don't know and don't care, I am typing for fun
This isn't a contest, that you or I won
Your rambling posts, they sometimes are funny
With the claymation you do, I know you're no dummy

Your shoe fetish thing, I laughed quite a bit
And your Booty call post, a bonafide hit
Hello I'm a giant spider, in one thread you started
I chuckled and giggled and laughed, then I farted

But your insatiable rending and breaking of threads
One wonders if you have stopped taking your meds
One second you are same, then you are out of your head
I worry one day you will snap and be dead

So heal your bruised ego, I've been very gracious
Not talking about inside of your head, how it's spacious
Oh wait I just did, oops, I guess I digress
But come one I am Squirrely, did you expect any less?

Pants 14,213 17
04/26/2009 01:26 PM

Ha. Pram is same.

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/26/2009 01:54 PM

Yeah, that is about as good as,


But come one I am Squirrely, did you expect any less?


Frost-ing spell check, not knowing what I meant when I typed it.

I suppose the next verse could have said,

Cum two I am wilder, My hair all a mess
Cum three I am tired, as I bet you could guess
My girl would be working for cum number 4
I'd be crying and saying, I don't want anymore
I'd be laying exhausted, beside of my wife
elapsed time 10 minutes, the story of my life*

*Well not really, cause the third and fourth times never would have happened.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/26/2009 03:57 PM

Chill on the poetry, Bill, it's Shakespearety
that kind of crap might fly in the city,
but out here, stuff is rural and bullShakespeare is plural
men kick their dogs and beat up their meth girls

I don't care if you want to ape me, g'head, just have at it
I'm not a medicinally deprived glucose addict
if you ever think I'm not right in the head and then I am,
it's cause I've got a lot going on in my life and it's crammed

as far as spellcheck, it's no matter, don't worry
it'd be worse if you Frosted up and refused to say sorry
good to see you're not retreading the same path I made
when I was new and thought "funny" was on a tirade

well, it looks like you're more popular than I, so I'll not
try to be anything but second best and then rot
when a site takes a newcomer and gives him a crown,
despite the fact it's only been a year he's around,
it says that my sense of humor's run aground
and now the best way to get laughs is fall down

Cruz : Milk Magnate 9,950 12
04/26/2009 04:06 PM

Frost-ing beatniks

A nice frothy mug of Undies 99,723 76
04/26/2009 04:08 PM

How come I only get a mini-ode and Pram gets a whole Frost-ing thread?

Oh well. Best poem EVAR!

Bill da Squirrel 53,130 53
04/26/2009 04:59 PM

Because it's harder to write nice Shakespeare. I could try if you wanted though.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/26/2009 05:40 PM

How come I only get a mini-ode and Pram gets a whole Frost-ing thread?

How come the posts I really put a lot of thought into don't get orbed, and the ones Bill wrote that look like they came out of a substitute grade school teacher get a Frostton of orbs? 80 orbs for the first post in this thread? Really?

The ass-kissing-to-Pram-dissing quotient is high...

I'm going to go put on some scuba gear and wade away from it.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/26/2009 05:45 PM

Cum two I am wilder, My hair all a mess
Cum three I am tired, as I bet you could guess
My girl would be working for cum number 4

...a dysfunctional...substitute grade school teacher.

Ravos, A-boi-oi-oing! 62,361 20
04/27/2009 09:03 AM

Hey, whaddaya know? It's another riga-riga-rap battle!

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/27/2009 09:25 AM

The only battle in this one is me, trying to get points. I have lost.

*sad*

*sings a melody*

Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
04/27/2009 02:44 PM

I screwed up


To the person to whom, this thread was directed
You took it in stride, and that was unexpected
You annoyed me one time, so I focused on that
Acting not just a child, but a childish brat

I've been angry and ugly and mean since November
I claim no excuses, to this site I'm a member
I should act it by writing of Tub Girl and poo
Not by slopping down crap to feel better than you

But the reason I wrote this, is so you will know
That to you, my deepest apologies go
And, everyone else who has been watching this show
I hope this is something on which I can grow

/serious!

TheVelveTurd 6,551 10
04/27/2009 03:08 PM

Ugghhh.. It's like the last five minutes of a Don Rickles set where goes and apologizes for the last 45 minutes of put downs. This is a guilt free zone Bill. I mean it's nice to know you're human but who gives a Frost.

Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
04/27/2009 03:20 PM

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your concern. Have a nice day.

Test Tube Baby 828 5
04/27/2009 04:30 PM

Dearest Bill,

I don't mind what you did at all. You only know me from what I type. My years of being a nurse have enabled me to take serious abuse from people mentally and physically. Like I said bash away... it's all good.

Juan Campos 1,173 4
04/27/2009 05:18 PM

Pants is a guy that I love to talk Shakespeare to
And Juan (don't know him, don't care) hey, is that cool

If you're going to keep making long-ass, unreadable rhyming posts, at least have them make sense and/or rhyme.

Shell. Just Shell 76,640 24
04/27/2009 05:25 PM

I have to say that Test Tube Baby has been a great sport about all of this. I'm not sure if I would have been.


And that's all I have to say about that.

Ditdah 123,092 14
04/27/2009 05:32 PM

Ugghhh.. It's like the last five minutes of a Don Rickles set where goes and apologizes for the last 45 minutes of put downs. This is a guilt free zone Bill. I mean it's nice to know you're human but who gives a Frost.

While this is a comedy site, it's not a guilt-free zone. Harassment and noob-bashing can really scare off new people, and that's inappropriate and unacceptable (and just plain mean.) We need to welcome new people and help them learn how to fit in.

And once they trust us, they can join the great ZuG army as we attempt to take over the world! (I call shotgun!)

Test Tube Baby 828 5
04/27/2009 05:42 PM

I love's Shell and Ditdah !




(but not in a gay way, sorry)

TheVelveTurd 6,551 10
04/27/2009 10:14 PM

While this is a comedy site, it's not a guilt-free zone. Harassment and noob-bashing can really scare off new people, and that's inappropriate and unacceptable (and just plain mean.) We need to welcome new people and help them learn how to fit in.

Yea I know that's what they teach special ed teachers to say, but I say this is a guilt free zone. I think noob bashing is sort of a hazing.Some just have to go through it longer. This isn't our lives, or shouldn't be. Comedy is rough and I was a little freaked out by the resistance of acceptance when I first started posting too, but that's the way it should be. I know this is a community and some of you people have known each other a while. Comics know each other, they are friends, but they will still go on these Comedy Central Roasts and rip each other new Emersons. But they laugh it up. That's comedy. If the funniest person here was in a room chatting with a group of professional comics he would be ragged on and wouldn't find instant acceptance. That's what this site should be about. That's why there's not a ton of people on here. Most people get butthurt and take it too seriously.I almost did. I like you Dit and Test tube you have been a sport. So make nicey nice if you need too people but don't let it Frost up the funny.

manhole 20,243 26
04/27/2009 10:27 PM

Rats! I totally thought this thread was going to be about Philly.

Test Tube Baby 828 5
04/27/2009 10:31 PM

Larry the Cable Guy's Roast was the worst ass ripping I have EVER

watched. For those who have not seen it I won't give details. Let's

just say it put a whole different perspective for me. Most of what

happens around here is calm compared to that.

P*H*L*A* 130,632 34
04/27/2009 10:32 PM

You're mixing up your steaks.

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/27/2009 10:43 PM

Given that I have anger from working with the stupid public, I apologize a lot to people I slight. Especially on the internet... but being a sociopath, when I'm done I give them an uppercut.

Phuc 237,453 20
04/28/2009 09:47 AM

Contrary to popular belief, I have never been a n00b-basher, only a veteran-basher, and I've even stopped doing that as of a few months ago. It just went all contrary-like to my newfound Suthun nature n' Shakespeare.

There are very few people (Zolton is the first who comes to mind) who hit the ground running funny, and I'd challenge anyone who said that hazing made them funnier. I'm sure we've lost a lot of potentially funny people because of it. Yeah, I know. We've lost some vets who just wanted things to stay isolated and mean, but look what that did to Japan before WWII. ...please don't tell me that everyone who left is manufacturing superior electronics and lower cost or I'll cry.

The Adopt-a-n00b program was an example of the tender heart of GAB hidden beneath the spiky armored, laser cannoned, IAD-studded, razor wire-wrapped exterior. So we can't deny that there is goodness within us and that the Emperor has not completely turned us.

Come on Live-ers (that still leaves a taste in my mouth like spoiled pat), let's all drop our emotional defenses and come together in a spirit of love and affection.

Or, failing that, refrain from bashing, ignore if you must (because harassing someone who annoys you is only going to make them annoy the whole board that much more), tithe 10% to your local house of worship, recycle yard waste, and curb your dog.

Who's got a boner now? I know I do!

Pram eats cholit bunnies ASS FIRST! 78,171 40
04/28/2009 10:46 AM

When you say "curb your dog", do you mean, have him rest his upper jaw on a curb and then stomp on the back of his head?

Because that's the only curbing I know about, and I love dogs.

Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
07/03/2009 10:03 AM

An ode to the death of Gab

Gab is now as dead, as the dead hooker in my trunk
It was killed by its owner, now who would have thunk
He killed it for profit, he killed it for fame
He killed Gab, You Bastard, that was real lame

We all now are Liver's, Vanna, can I buy an E
Then we'd be Lie'vers? that fits better for me
Cause we lie in our posts, where we try to make nice
And get letters that tell us, we need to think twice
About bashing on people, but where was it learned from?
I learned it from others, when to me, it was done.

What good is a Noob, if not to be chastised
By all of the older, more respected, and wise
Livers who went through all of this Shakespeare before.
But those days are gone, kaput, they're no more

But still I stay here, cause to me you are funny
And if I leave here, the terrorists have won. See.
So I'll stay and I'll post, let hilarity ensue
Just don't make me cry, or they'll write to you too.

Frogpop 173,113 25
07/03/2009 01:53 PM

Shut the Frost up noob.

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 43,373 49
07/03/2009 03:14 PM

Nicely said, Al.

Here's what I've learned on Zug:

1. By participating here, my real life funniness factor and comedy response time has increased by 28.2333%
2. Insulting someone on-board but being in connection with them off-board and nice with them doesn't erase the on-board insult, and could end in not being in connection with them off-board.
3. There are a lot of really nice, funny and creative people on here.
4. There's a lot of perverts on here.


(Sorry it's not in poem form. That's not my medium.)

Frogpop 173,113 25
07/03/2009 04:20 PM

It's not Bill's either.

A Marinating Sash 1,353 7
07/03/2009 10:34 PM

retarded poems
filling up this zug live thread
please stop this madness

A Marinating Sash 1,353 7
07/03/2009 10:35 PM

last poem was haiku
for those too stupid to see
this one is also

FunkyMunkyPunkyWunky 316 4
07/04/2009 08:59 AM

[noob]Thank you Bill, I feel so welcomed into the world of comedy.[/noob]

I accept all flamings that may come my way...

Cinderblock 27,522 24
07/04/2009 09:18 AM

*reads the first few posts after walking in late*

I agree with whatever it is that you said.

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 43,373 49
07/04/2009 09:50 AM

Marinating Sash,
"poem", is it one or two?
(Syllables, that is.)

A Marinating Sash 1,353 7
07/04/2009 03:48 PM

Po-em.

Poe - Emerson.

(only works if you have the language filter on).