May Contest: Make Warts Funny!
A comedy conversation
by John Hargrave  128,123  71
05/11/2009 01:12 PM 310 views
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 MAKE WARTS FUNNY!
That's right, our $300.00 May contest is focused on those ugly, cauliflower-like growths on the hands, face, and genitals: WARTS!
Your task is to make warts funny. We want your funniest, REAL-LIFE stories about your wartiest experiences. Tell us about your funniest wart removal stories. Challenge a friend to burn off his wart using a magnifying glass and the sun. Or just check out this ad at right; the comedy writes itself.
Here are the guidelines:
- The story must be true.
- The story must have at least 2 photos accompanying it (stock photos OK but real photos preferred).
- The story should not be published elsewhere on the Web.
- Please begin your title with the words "WART CONTEST," so we can filter the wart stories from all the other user-generated wart content.
Thanks to our sponsor Wartrol for the idea. (Call us paranoid, but we're not going to shake their hands on this deal).
THE WINNERS!
1st place ($100.00): Close Encounters of the Warty Kind by weblamer
2nd place ($100.00): A Halloween Hello by Underwhere?
3rd place ($100.00): The Tale of a Tag by Kchiki
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Like This? Rate It!
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0 votes
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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KChiki - Flu Free! (knock on wood) 124,281  89
05/11/2009 01:26 PM
I'm trying to decide if I really want to work "wart" into my schtick or lack thereof, which would be worse.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Nipples of the Future! 2,207 7
05/11/2009 03:11 PM
Where's the hot Asian chick with the ketchup all over her face? Maybe she can make warts funny.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Lobster is Laying a Egg! 17,422 30
05/11/2009 05:02 PM
Is that what those bumpy things are? I thought my vagina grew teeth.
Disclaimer: The above statement is untrue. It was a poor attempt at my lack of funny. Feel free to berate and use my foolishness against me anyway, as I know you will.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Cravin Moorhead 3,307 12
05/11/2009 06:44 PM
New and improved Lobster Vagina...Now with speed bumps.
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0 votes
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Pants 14,213 17
05/11/2009 08:20 PM
It sounds to me that Lobster is growing a third claw down there.
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0 votes
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Pubah 54,895 17
05/11/2009 11:09 PM
Compound W
Liquid Nitrogen
Scalple (knife)
Catgut
Fill in the blanks
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Jeeni Beanie 43,386 49
05/12/2009 10:40 AM
Now with speed bumps.
It's ribbed, for your pleasure.
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0 votes
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Gonzo 20,504 16
05/12/2009 12:02 PM
Delicious warts?
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0 votes
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Cravin Moorhead 3,307 12
05/13/2009 07:59 PM
Who the hell does John think he's fooling? He doesn't have $300 unless he sold a kidney and I doubt that. He's already done that... twice, and the last time he was at the sperm bank they told him not to come back because of his constant screaming "CLEAN UP IN ISLE 6!".
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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Thud 66,695 17
05/13/2009 08:45 PM
"CLEAN UP IN ISLE 6!"
Damned dirty archipelago.
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0 votes
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Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
05/13/2009 08:46 PM
5 orbs for "archipelago"
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0 votes
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weblamer 94 3
05/29/2009 04:06 PM
Hmm, I just noticed there IS no may 31st.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
05/29/2009 04:10 PM
In which country? In mine May 31st is on Sunday.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.0
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
05/29/2009 04:43 PM
Hmm, I just noticed there IS no may 31st.
30 days hath September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have 31,
Wow weblamer, u r dumb.
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0 votes
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weblamer 94 3
05/30/2009 12:08 PM
wow, thats what i get for printing out a calendar i randomly found on the internet.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
05/30/2009 12:17 PM
Wow, that's what i get for printing out a calendar i randomly found on the Internet being a retard who doesn't know there are 31 days in May.
Fixed!*
*DISCLAIMER: This was meant as a joke, no actual harming of noObs was intended.
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0 votes
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Ravos is New & Improved 62,361 20
06/01/2009 09:14 AM
30 days hath September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have 31,
Wow weblamer, u r dumb.
February...?
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
06/01/2009 11:26 AM
February has 28,
So Frost you Ravos, feel my hate.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Ravos is New & Improved 62,361 20
06/01/2009 12:41 PM
So Frost you Ravos, feel my hate
It feels remarkably similar to sunshine and butterflies.
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0 votes
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
06/01/2009 01:27 PM
heh.
My love for you is like a truck!
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John Hargrave 128,123 71
06/01/2009 02:02 PM
Congrats to our May contest winners! (Article updated above.)
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Ravos is New & Improved 62,361 20
06/01/2009 02:05 PM
My love for you is like a truck!
Long & hard?
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The Golden KChiki 124,281 89
06/01/2009 02:12 PM
Woohoo!
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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weblamer 94 3
06/01/2009 03:11 PM
Yay, I wont 100 bucks.
Now I can buy a calendar. I am going to buy a fancy glossy one filled with inspirational motivational quotes accompanied by a moving photograph.
How do i get paid? Does some little telegram guy on a scooter show up at my house with a fat check or what?
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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The Golden KChiki 124,281 89
06/01/2009 03:13 PM
We have a hovercraft!
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0 votes
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
06/01/2009 03:58 PM
How do i get paid? Does some little telegram guy on a scooter show up at my house with a fat check or what?
John should send an email, and you have to fill out a tax form. THEN you get a fat paypal transfer. At least, that's what I've had to do in the past.
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Thud 66,695 17 checks the address bar
06/01/2009 05:30 PM
Wait, Undies didn't win? Am I on the right site?
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
06/01/2009 06:39 PM
Thud, this is the first contest I have won anything in this year. Apparently John has rewritten the rules about me getting all the prizes.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Thud 66,695 17
06/01/2009 06:54 PM
Ah, okay, got it. Thanks for the update. I was getting worried I'd lost my mind again.
I didn't, it's on the credenza.
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