Post his phone number in an ad in the escort section of the newspaper, then call him up.

I think he would probably like that though

If he owns a car you could put a small pebble under the valve stem cap of each tire. This will cause them to leak air until he goes to check them out, finding no explanation for the leak because the pebble usually falls away unseen or stays stuck in the cap. Keep doing this and it will drive him and/or the tire shop he keeps taking them to crazy. If that's too softcore for you there's always sugar in the gas tank or a dead minnow in the AC vent. Hell, do all three.

Fire Sale - Post this guys home address on CraigsList. Title the post, "Everything Must Go!" and detail that people can come over and just take what they want since you are moving and the new place is fully furnished. Giggle with glee as strangers come over and demand all this guys stuff.

Butt Sale- Put a casual encounters ad on Craigslist with the guys address. Explain that you want someone to break in through the front door and brutally ass rape you while you scream and pretend to not want it. Giggle with glee before your prison sentencing where, ironically, you will be repeatedly raped.

displays a puzzled look.

a letting agent...

Now, I'd like to help but I'm going to need to get some clarification on something first.

Letting agent?

Do you mean a stool softener?

Remember kids, poop is funny.

Place slices of bologna on his car. The oil in the bologna will strip the paint off the car so when he removes the bologna from the car it will result in a polka-dotted car.

Frost his wife. Give her AIDS.

Place slices of bologna on his car. The oil in the bologna will strip the paint off the car so when he removes the bologna from the car it will result in a polka-dotted car.


That reminds me of when Captain Skippy, a bunch of my friends and I were all playing basketball in a cul-de-sac when we were kids and this Emerson neighbor parks right under neither the goal. I politely asked him if he would move his vehicle and he said no. As everyone is bitching and moaning, Captain Skippy walks home and comes back with 8 slices of bologna and proceeds to slap four on the guy's driver side door and four on the roof all lined up and partially overlapping the previous slice. We left and came back to the court the next day to find 2 beautiful Audi symbols on the jerkoff's truck.

You know what also really ruins paint on cars? Sandpaper.

You know what also really ruins paint on cars?


Crowbars? Keys? A drunk's urine? Feces? Eggs? This?

but I need a way of improving my non violent revenge

Non violent? Frost no.

Lie on your arm until it's dead and feels like someone else's and then go punch him in the face a bunch of times. You can tell the judge it was some other guy's arm that did it.

Lie on your arm until it's dead and feels like someone else's


Dogs every man knows that trick; it's called the stranger.

Throw deer urine in his laundry.

I find that smearing feces on people's front doors does a pretty good job of conveying the message that you are not a fan of theirs.

It's only really effective if you use human feces.
Your business means business.

A strongly worded letter of disapproval of his actions. Frost him.

Find out what his favorite internet message board is. Give Lobster a link.

Address a plain brown parcel to the neighbor next to him with no name on the label, just an address. Fill the box with various magazines that target crossdressing, scat porn and radical hate group subjects. Also include some normal publications. On top include a letter addressed to him but with the neighbors address. The body of the letter should read " Name, I am tired of receiving your disgusting mail,the very same mail which ruined our relationship. Please be kind enough, for once, to contact the parties responsible and supply them with your new address. Thank you, Jack."

Repeat the process for 4-7 other neighbors on the street.

Bleach in the gas tank is much more efficient. He'll have to buy an entirely new engine, fuel pump, and lines, amongst all the small parts in between.


Sand in the vagina works well too. Just ask Mothcleaner.

Sand in the vagina would work well for two things only:

1)Frost-ing the Sandman
2)Not Frost-ing anyone else

Yes, I'm looking at you, breeder.

I'm sorry, I was just Frost-ing wid tchu.











Along with the larger part of the male population of the continental United States, apparently.

Sand in the vagina works well too. Just ask Mothcleaner.

Condoms also work well, But you actually have to use them.

A letting agent? Contact the ministry of health and let them know how worried you are about his building's rat problem.

And/or, a bit of raw milk on the carpet in front of his door would also let everyone in the building know what a sweetie he is.