WAMU Changes Name to WOO WOO
A comedy article
by redrockriot  71  5
05/27/2009 05:55 PM 250 views
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Several months after the collapse of Fannie Mae and the like, there seems to be much talk of reforming the banking system. One suggested and highly controversial approach is to formulate a more centrally controlled banking system. This idea of "control" isn't new and always seems to follow a catastrophe. Needing to control and regulate is obviously a "no-brainer" in direct response to the ongoing banking crisis. I'm not sure if this is the best approach to solving the current banking situation. Especially in light of the fact; this is not where the energy is going in the cosmos. Crisis and reaction is so, 20th century!
Regulating banks or any other powerful institution is based on the assumption that people and businesses are victims of "predatory" policies. This notion is not congruent with the current age of empowerment where all the talk is centering around subjective reality. In the case of victimization, the rapidly changing paradigm of empowered choice and experience suggests that when we are victims of something, we are in fact feeding the predator. In other words, we are co-creators in the symbiotic dynamic. One could not exist without the other. Another example of this phenomena can be exhibited by the story of a native culture discovered deep in the Amazon rain forest who didn't have word in their native tongue that represented war. Therefore, they didn't know what war was until the colonist showed them its meaning. Catch the drift?
If we were to inject this model of existence into the current banking system we must start by making Oprah Winfrey the chairperson of the Federal Reserve. From there, we must begin to design banks based on the new paradigm. Let's start with ATMs. After the ATMs, we can go into the bank itself and redesign the entire structure. Staffing and services will be empowerment based.
I suggest ATMs that not only identify who you are based on basic personal information but can pinpoint your astrological reading for that particular day or week. In conjunction so-to-speak, with your astrological reading, it has the ability to read your aura and can conduct financial advisement based on an up to the minute spiritual assessment. Imagine making choices based on this reading? When or when not to spend or save? Imagine hearing positive affirmations as you conduct your "trance"actions: "I am manifesting universal abundance and I have enough money energy and I share what I already have enough of easily and graciously". Sure beats the boring, "beep, beeps", huh?
The ATM also has the capability to channel your "energy" in the form of cash to your favorite causes with the touch of a button. After all, we must share our energy in gratitude in order to create and maintain cash-flow in our lives? Let's move into the bank itself.
What would a conceptually empowered bank look like? Well, it must hold people over money always. For too long, we have placed money's power over people when the inverse is the truest form of empowerment. Money doesn't choose, people do! So, banks must be built around comfort and flow. For example, the ancient Chinese art of feng shui suggests that certain colors, elements, plants, symbols, animals and planets represent,attract and maintain prosperity. For too long, banks have centered too many themes based on the presupposition that you are going to loose your money and guess what, we have and so have banks! Surprised? Just look at some of the logos of your bank or listen to the language around bank advertising and you begin to feel like a victim. Again, the notion, you are not in power of your money-energy, the "institution" is and we are government-backed, member FDIC, we have your interest in mind, strong, securities, bonded, sealed, vaulted and the jargon goes on and on. Oh! Don't get me started!
The bank itself must exude an air of confidence not security. Nix the cameras and security guards because again, if we assume we are going to be robbed, we are co-creating the reality. Even if we do get robbed, the money will find its way back to us if we simply surrender to the fact that it is an illusion. For example, after a robbery, the bank staff could practice the ancient Hawaiian philosophy of Ho'oponopono, which means, "to make right". This practice suggests that we forgive ourselves for creating the opportunity to be robbed and then forgiving the robbers by loving them unconditionally. The practice cleans the mind scape of "being robbed" or victim and opens the space for balance and love. Love is the true balance and it never declines. Back to the bank interior.
Forget vaults, cages, bars, chained pens, tellers (funny title, we are the ones who tell them what to do with our money, so they should be "askers", again- EMPOWERMENT) Get rid of the big marble barriers between you and your money. I suggest a juice bar with comfy chairs and cushions. What better way to create more money than feeling healthy and happy around money transactions? Instead, we stand in line on cold stone floor, cameras pointed at us, echoes of shoes walking down hollow halls as if we were in a Victorian hospital. This kind of gives a whole new meaning to "sick money". If we are going into a dwelling that holds our money energy, why not have it as a place of nurturing instead of a prison? What about the staff?
There are medical intuitives who can look at your entire being and make suggestions based on your DNA and current physical imprint so, why not have money intuitives on staff at your bank? Imagine having a money intuitive making money suggestions based on your "wealth" imprint? How you manifest money into your reality? For example, some say there is a male/female/yin/yang to money and with that said, you could be more yang while you are trying to manage your money around yin energy. A simple adjustment in philosophy could ease years of money frustrations in this regard. Then there is the concept of vibration. The reason why many lottery winners blow millions and end up in ruins is said to be linked to personal money vibration. So,on-staff money vibration counselors can help you raise your personal money vibration. After all, you can't put 4000 watts into a 60 watt bulb and expect it to last!
The father of relativity could be dubbed the original subjective reality co-creator. Albert Einstein once said, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results." We have arrived at a bold new juncture where we can release the old victim way of being, which is insane, and reclaim our rightful place. As humans, we are more powerful than money is, for sure and with a little "Woo Woo", just maybe we can co-create the most incredible banking system ever devised. Let's empower ourselves in every aspect of our lives!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
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Dogs Akimbo 211,594  32
05/27/2009 06:22 PM
You didn't use the word poop a single time in that entire thing. What the hell's wrong with you?
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Thud 68,506 19
05/27/2009 06:58 PM
Comedy. Bauxite.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
05/27/2009 11:01 PM
That article is the Frost-ing Great Wall of China of words.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Frogpop 173,153 25
05/27/2009 11:16 PM
So I said "Market correction!? It damn near killed him!"
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0 votes
0.0
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John Hargrave 128,751 73
05/28/2009 04:59 AM
Redrockriot, we generally prefer true-life comedy stories or experiments -- try writing about something that personally happened to you (like terrible experience at a bank), or something that you made happen (like calling your bank and suggesting they make some of these changes).
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Ravos is New & Improved 63,472 21
05/28/2009 07:29 AM
Also, we generally prefer stories that do not make my eyes bleed.
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0 votes
0.0
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redrockriot 71 5
05/28/2009 06:50 PM
Got it John...thanks everyone for the feedback. BTW, how do I cast votes for others?
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
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Thud 68,506 19
05/28/2009 07:18 PM
BTW, how do I cast votes for others?
If you look to the right of the name of the poster you will see some circles that may or may not have smiley-looking faces in them. If you mouseover the circle you will see descriptions of the level of hilarity that you can rate the post (suggestions for use below):
Amusing - it's amusing, but no more. Some people use this rating as a mark of scorn, others use it as it's title suggests: the post was amusing.
Chuckleworthy - better than amusing, but not up to the funny level of Funny (see below)
Funny - good post, actually funny
Hilarious - look, the words pretty much describe things by themselves
Side-splitting - the acme of Zug ratings. Normally reserved for the best posts or people who wish to curry favor from the author of the post
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0 votes
0.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54 Points to thud Zugz bar
05/28/2009 08:00 PM
Am I currying favor yet?
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Ravos is New & Improved 63,472 21
05/29/2009 12:42 PM
Curry smells weird.
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0 votes
0.0
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Pubah 56,820 18
05/31/2009 10:20 PM
Curry smells weird
But tastes great if prepared properly...Mmmm, Curry Roadkill cooked over a barrel fire.
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