UNLOCK YOUR ULTIMATE LUCK POWER!
A comedy article
by John Hargrave  128,123  71
06/02/2009 02:54 PM 2675 views
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 The other day, I received one of those lucky e-mail chain letters that stated I must pass it on to 10 or more people within 3 days or I will suffer terrible things, like losing one of my kidneys in a sewer explosion. If I pass it on, however, I would enjoy incredible luck: "the person you are most attracted to will return your feelings." Since the person I am most attracted to already returns my feelings (me), I deleted the e-mail, as I have done for every chain letter I've ever received.
Is it just me, or are these good luck e-mails a lot less common than they used to be? Maybe the human race is getting smarter, although I still see plenty of people playing the lottery -- which, as we all know, is a tax on people dumb enough to believe in luck.
For the past few weeks, we've been creating wacky Facebook groups to see how many people will join. This week's social experiment is to see how many Facebook users will join a "good luck group," a club that promises luck just for joining. But not just good luck, ULTIMATE luck.
And what would be luckier than ultimate luck? How about an ULTIMATE LUCK MAGNET, that INCREASES IN LUCK with the more people joining? Yes, an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL LUCK MAGNET that would REQUIRE YOU to BEGIN WRITING IN ALL CAPS, because THAT'S THE WAY PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN LUCK START TO WRITE!
And what could be more powerful than that? How about a SELF-REPLICATING LUCK MAGNET that makes each person COVERED in luck, so much that they will start to TRANSMIT LUCK to everyone who comes in contact with them!
It's like an assload of these.
We still weren't satisfied. So we gave the LUCK MAGNET the power to increase EXPONENTIALLY IN LUCK for every 100,000 people who join the group! You think you're lucky now? Wait until you get 2x LUCK (100,000 members), 4x LUCK (200,000 members), or even 1024x LUCK (1,000,000 members)!
Holy crap! 1024x luck?!? You would be like one of those guys who started Google, or maybe George Clooney. You'd walk down the street, and money and potential lovers would fly out and cling to your magnetized body.
In truth, luck is a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you're convinced you have it, you'll see it everywhere. And therefore, on some strange cosmic level, this group will actually work.
Don't believe us? CLICK TO UNLOCK YOUR ULTIMATE LUCK POWER!!!!!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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The Golden KChiki 124,276  89
06/02/2009 03:01 PM
1024x Luck!
Giga-Luck!
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0 votes
0.0
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Ravos is New & Improved 62,361 20
06/02/2009 03:17 PM
I hear this will also amplify your luck exponentially.
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Funny
5 votes
3.0
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MungChamp 35,886 35
06/02/2009 03:18 PM
I can't wait till 420x Luck!
Pot-Luck
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0 votes
0.0
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Azz Lava 148 3
06/03/2009 12:59 AM
1024x Luck!
Giga-Luck!
That's Kilo luck. Say it with me now: Key-Low (no, it's not a new fat-assed "artist")
A "Techie-geek-chick, paranormal nerd, modern rock fan, fairy dork" should know that!
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0 votes
0.0
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xentar 468 7
06/03/2009 01:55 AM
"Ultimate Frost power"... oh, wait! ZUG seems to be taking a new route here.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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UnderWhelmed 99,723 76
06/03/2009 06:32 AM
I like how "oral favors" and "sex" aren't the same thing.
John Hargrave = Bill Clinton?
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0 votes
0.0
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TomServo 3,752 7
06/03/2009 06:52 AM
I would join, but I dont want my friends to think I am an idiot.... you know more than what they already do
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0 votes
0.0
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The Golden KChiki 124,276 89
06/03/2009 08:58 AM
One kilobyte is 1000 bytes.
One gigabyte is 1024 megabytes.
Also, I'm Amer-uh-can. We don't use SI.
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0 votes
0.0
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Azz Lava 148 3
06/03/2009 10:12 AM
Correction:
giga = 10^9
mega = 10^6
kilo = 10^3
The ones used for computer science are not SI or anything, it's just an approximation since 1024 = 2^10 in computer science and kilo = 1000 in normal science. It's a base-10 and base-2 thingy.
And you call yourself a nerd!!! Wanna piece o me?? huh?
Yeah I scare people like that.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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The Golden KChiki 124,276 89
06/03/2009 10:15 AM
FINE fine, you can be right today.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Like a Ravos 62,361 20
06/03/2009 10:19 AM
Well look at you people and your mathemagicianery!
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0 votes
0.0
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Gonzo 20,504 16
06/03/2009 11:59 AM
Muck-luck. On a firetruck.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Closet Friend 6,622 10
06/03/2009 12:24 PM
Correction:
giga = 10^9
mega = 10^6
kilo = 10^3
The ones used for computer science are not SI or anything--
If enjoying KChiki is wrong then I don't want to be right!
Also, what does Sports Illustrated have to do with any of this?
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0 votes
0.0
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TomServo 3,752 7
06/04/2009 03:19 AM
You guys make it really hard to come to this site and still feel good about yourself.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Like a Ravos 62,361 20
06/04/2009 07:36 AM
If that is why you came here, you have already made a terrible mistake.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
06/04/2009 10:07 AM
As my son Liam likes to say, there are three kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math and those who aren't.
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0 votes
0.0
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Like a Ravos 62,361 20
06/04/2009 10:09 AM
I understand jokes!
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0 votes
0.0
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TBUZZ 88 3
06/04/2009 10:59 AM
Yeeeooow,
This is Edd Womack from Viola, Tennessee. I joined your damn good luck club and spent all my money on a 40 of Black Label and damn lottery tickets and I didn't win a damn thang except a cheap buzz. I'm coming down there to whoop your ass if you don't give me my $38 million powerball money. As soon as my boy gets home he's gonna drive me up there, watch me whoop your ass, then he's going to whoop your ass too.
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