*Long story short*
- Selling laptop for parts. (don't ask why. ok, ask; I'm lonely)
- Put RAM on Craig's List for $10.
- Got like 10^85 replies in the first hour.
- Responded to some dude, Eric.
- Went back and forth until we agreed to meet today at a gas station at 5:30pm
*The following is an accurate account of what happened*
12:50pm (my phone goes off, Eric is calling)
Me: 'Ello? (deep voice cause i didn't recognize the number)
Eric: Hey, is this Mr. Rabbani?
Me: Yea. Who dis? (still deep voice)
Eric: This is Eric, i'm supposed to meet you today at 5:30 to get that RAM from you?
Me: (high pitched, pleading voice) Oh yea, hey man! How's it going? Can't wait to see you! ($10 is a lot of money to me)
Eric: Yea, actually, I forgot my son has a basketball game after school, so could we meet at 1:30. I know it's short notice, sorry if I caught you in the middle of something
Me: Nah man!! I'll see you at 1:30!! (I was in the middle of presenting my dissertation on proper ways to sear tuna to some colleagues, but foop it...$10 is $10)
Eric: Cool, see you soon. I'll be in a silver Xterra.
Me: Alright man, I have a silver Honda Accord.
*hang up*
So, at this point, I'm thinking this guy is pretty cool, no problems, I hope he doesn't think I'm too eager to sell the Ram. Whatever, it's cool, it's $10.
1:15pm (phone goes off again)
Me: Hello?
Eric: Yea. Exiting Coit. See you in a few.
Me: *puzzled as to why he's being so choppy in his speech* Alright man...cool.
*I leave for the gas station and when I get there I'm wait for his car to roll up*
1:24pm (silver Xterra pulls up next to me, i get out of my car, ram in hand, Eric also gets out)
Me: Hey, Eric?
Eric: Hey man!!! Nice to finally meet you!
Me: *thinking this guy is the epitome of bi-polar disorder, so i'm kind of standoffish* Yea, here's the RAM...
Eric: Oh sweet dude. Check it out, i got my lappy in the trunk, lemme pop it in real quick and make sure it works. *grabs ram from me without waiting for a response*
Me: Um...alright.
Eric: *opens trunk* Yea man, i'm so glad you emailed me back
Me: No worries, you were the first to reply
Eric: *opening up brief case* I got all this work stuff in here, I'm so busy man!! So busy! You know how it is I'm sure, you look pretty successful!!
Me: *shocked and not sure of how to respond* Yea...I do ok...
Eric: *mashes RAM inside of slot* Yea bro, I love computers. Do you? Nah, of course you don't! You're Persian!
Me: What? How'd you know I'm Persian? (at this point i'm starting to fear for my life for some reason)
Eric: Cause man, I can tell. I'm Persian too!
*time out*
This guy is like 6'3, chunky build, looks like a typical fat white guy...
*time in*
Me: You're really Persian?
Eric: Yea man! Eric is short for Arman!
Me: Sweet deal.
Eric: Yea, you can never trust a Persian bro.
Me: *changing subject* So what do you think, Windows booted up, you're good to go.
Eric: Hrmm...it didn't boot up fast enough.
Me: What? How fast were you expecting it to boot up?
Eric: Lightning fast man.
Me: Um...are you sure you know what RAM is for?
Eric: Yea man, i used to be a computer engineer before I got into the biz.
Me: Biz?
Eric: Show biz man, ever hear of it?
Me: *completely dumbfounded at this point* Yea...so wait, do you want the RAM, or not?
Eric: I guess so...I'm kind of disappointed in the quality though, how fast is it?
Me: I honestly don't know, it's whatever came with my laptop.
Eric: That's fast enough for me.
Me: *stunned that someone like this exists* Cool, $10 then right?
Eric: Oh yea, bro. I took the tollway to get here, so I had to use some of it there. Do you mind if I short change you?
Me: Nah, I don't mind. You work for President Bush?
Eric: *laughing himself more retarded than he already is* Dude! You are hilarious! But yea, here's what I got left.
*He hands me a 5, two 1's, and $1.25 in quarters/nickels/dimes*
Me: Um...to be honest, I was expecting $10.
Eric: Dude, we're Persian, it's all good.
Me: It's really not. We said $10, I want $10.
Eric: I'll tell you what, take the $8.25 and this $25 gift certificate I have to Macaroni Grill, and on top of that, here are some blessings *gives me a thumbs up*
Me: *refusing to acknowledge his thumbs up* Alright, I'll take it man. I'm gonna get going...take it easy.
Eric: Yea man thanks so much. You saved my life with this one!
Me: Yea, no problem. Hope your son wins his game
Eric: Son? Oh, haha! Hope you're not mad. I don't have any kids! I just said that cause I didn't want to drive through traffic, you know how it is!
Me: Whatever. Bye.
We get in our respective cars and start leaving when I look down at the gift certificate and see this:
Exp. 12/20/2005
I think the anger that was channeled through my body at that moment somehow transfered to my car because I could swear I saw steam come out from underneath the hood.
Eric, if you are reading this, I swear to God...before your life is over, I'm getting that $1.75 and handing you a solid ass whooping.
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