Coleridgeblocked
A comedy article
by Bayan Rabbani  2,826  14
06/11/2009 09:03 AM 614 views
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Coleridgeblocking v.
1. The act of obstructing one person's advances towards another.
2. What my friends do to me all the time because they think it is hilarious.
So as it turns out, I was in the Phoenix airport waiting for my flight to Houston at a fairly uncrowded gate. As I was sitting there, this girl comes and sits down across from me. My back was to the window and hers is to the hallway leading into the gate. Now typically I don't approach strangers (this is a lie), but I thought that this could be like one of those things you see in a movie. Also, I would probably never have another opportunity like this again in my life.
The following is what transpired.
Girl on her phone
Girl: Well, the 4:25 to Houston is delayed until 5:06. No, I'm just going to wait for it I guess. Yea, ok, I'll see you at the airport, bye.
Me: to the girl Sorry for eavesdropping, but just so you know, there is a 4 o'clock flight to Houston that is pretty empty and a lot of people are getting on that one instead. There's no cost to change your flight. It's what I just did.
Girl: Are you serious?
Me: Yea, if you go to the help desk right over there, they can probably sort you out.
At that moment, friend of mine (Sherwin) who was with me but left for the restroom earlier, walked over and I acknowledge him in disgust
Sherwin: to girl Are you going to Houston?
Girl: Yea.
Sherwin: Yea, get on the 4 o'clock flight.
Girl: Oh my gosh, thank you so much you guys, ok, I'll be right back save my seat.
Me: Sure thing.
I look over at Sherwin
Me: Get the hell out of here. She's mine.
Sherwin: No.
Me: Get out of here now you Coleridgeblock!
Sherwin leaves and the girl comes back a minute later on her phone
While she is on her phone, I call my brother (Teb) who was sitting on the other side of the gate
Me: Hey, where are you?
Teb: On the other side sitting down.
we wave to each other
Teb: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
Teb gets up
Me: No, don't come here. I'm working something, don't Coleridgeblock me.
Teb: Who is that girl?
Me: muffled voice with my head turned away No Teb! No!! Get away!
The girl sees Teb
Girl: Oh my God, Teb? Is that you?
Teb: Allison?!
Allison: How are you? What are you doing here?
Teb: What a small world, how are you?? I'm good! You're going to Houston? What are the chances we'd run into each other?
Allison: I know right? Wow. What are you doing this weekend?
Teb: Nothing actually, I'll probably recharge my batteries tonight and tomorrow from my trip, then I'm free. Let's exchange numbers and catch up!
Allison: Totally! proceeds to give Teb her number
my jaw drops to the floor, I look over at Sherwin sitting about 10 feet away
Me: mouthing What-the-Frost?.
Apparently my brother used to work with her a couple years back, and they both liked each other but the timing wasn't right. The timing was perfect at the airport. I hate my life.
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v257/242/66/1532250113/n1532250113_30171321_7536.jpg
My brother and his girlfriend Allison on a date.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
7 votes
3.1
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828827
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Like a Ravos 63,472  21
06/11/2009 09:16 AM
Bros before hoes man. That is the bro-law.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Anh is over there. 11,158 14
06/11/2009 09:17 AM
At least you can go back to wherever you came from and get some coffee with Joshua.
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
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Mothcleaner 4,106 10
06/11/2009 09:22 AM
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa. Fag.
Everyone knows when that happens, you go over to him, and ask if he VD will be cleared up by then. (in front of her of course)
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.2
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
06/11/2009 09:33 AM
No girl who would go out with the douchebag in that photo is worth the $4 you'd have to spend on a happy meal to get her in the sack.
Gar, what a tool.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.3
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/11/2009 10:23 AM
Gar, what a tool
Are you a pirate? I didn't know they had internet on the high seas.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
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Ironbuttkickinsnork 45,655 12
06/11/2009 04:55 PM
Number of pussies in the world: around 3 billion.
You being one of them: priceless.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/11/2009 04:58 PM
Number of pussies in the world: around 3 billion.
You being one of them: priceless.
Yea -- We get it -- I suck at life.
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Funny
9 votes
3.6
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Ironbuttkickinsnork 45,655 12
06/11/2009 05:04 PM
And it's not sucking back.
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Funny
7 votes
3.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828901
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/11/2009 05:21 PM
And it's not sucking back.
Finally, someone who understands my problem.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828902
Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/11/2009 05:30 PM
I don't care what anybody says, I like this Bayan guy.
Hey Bayan, you need some banana boxes?
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828903
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/11/2009 05:32 PM
Yes Bill, I could use a few. Thank you. :\
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828904
Thud 68,506 19
06/11/2009 05:43 PM
Bayan, I don't think Bill is offering what you think he's offering.
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828907
Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/11/2009 05:57 PM
He knows. Don't you see his colon backslash? That's an innuendo if I've ever seen one.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828909
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/11/2009 07:00 PM
What did you think the "Thank you. :\" was for... of course I know what he is offering.
I'll keep my eyes open.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828910
Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/11/2009 07:50 PM
Apparently you keep your butt open as well. :P
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828912
Lobsta- Now With FIBER!! 18,570 33
06/11/2009 08:18 PM
I wanted to read this article, I really did. But then I remembered I had a history test, so I just scrolled down to the bottom of the page.
Also, when you get to Houston, look up SR and convince him to finally kill himself. That way I don't have to worry about him coming back in four months crying about how his life sucks less than Bill's.
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Side-splitting
6 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828914
Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/11/2009 08:24 PM
It's funny you say that, because no one sucks more than you.
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828916
Lobsta- Now With FIBER!! 18,570 33
06/11/2009 08:30 PM
Obviously, if I had sucked more often, I wouldn't be where I am right now.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828917
Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
06/11/2009 09:11 PM
Dear Lobster,
I had to give you an A+ for that one!
Hugs and all that crap,
Bill
P.S.
Your butt called, it said, "Yeah, suck more!"
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1828937
Like a Ravos 63,472 21
06/12/2009 07:16 AM
I'll keep my eyes open.
I still don't think you'll see it coming. Its pretty small.
Or so I'm told.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1831550
Rock LobstARRRGHH!!! 18,570 33
07/07/2009 10:37 PM
Obviously, if I had sucked more often, I wouldn't be where I am right now.
This entry finally knocked the one with my first name in it out of my profile under "Funniest Posts". Finally. It only took a year for me to say something funny again.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Alarm Clock the Patient Robot 6,348 4
07/08/2009 01:11 AM
Okay, Bayan. I apologize for assuming you were gay, as well. You clearly aren't if that guy was chosen over you.
Who's this Sherwin? Is his last name Williams? It only made sense to me when I imagined it was the name of a soiled, toilet paper, nut rag you might carry, wrapped around your hand like a sock puppet friend. Re-read as such, and it fits into your story flawlessly.
I'll remember next time you mention what a fag magnet you are and will try to be more sympathetic. You hit on a girl and lost to a life-like Mr. Potato Head. You're obviously not gay.
...but your boyfriend is.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1831563
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
07/08/2009 04:25 AM
Eh... too much to read.
We get it -- You think I'm gay.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Maruti Driver 360 10
07/09/2009 02:19 AM
After trying to read most of this, and failing at that, because I can barely breathe (and how that relates to my sight escapes me) I can only say that Coleridgeblocked sounds to me like you were trying to pass a kidney stone and have it stop near the "end of the road". Now that would be some Coleridge blocking.
Bleh.
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0 votes
0.0
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Autra - Generic Unfunny Live Member 10,560 11
07/09/2009 10:40 AM
After trying to read most of this, and failing at that, because I can barely breathe (and how that relates to my sight escapes me) I can only say that Coleridgeblocked sounds to me like you were trying to pass a kidney stone and have it stop near the "end of the road". Now that would be some Coleridge blocking.
Bleh.
So you just wanted us to know you're old?
Touche, honkey.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1831792
Ali_Legend 844 7 is confused by bayan's avvy being different from his avvy a few posts earlier and then changing again ???
07/09/2009 10:51 AM
BTW, you should have raped that girl.
MJ would have done it.
Jesus would have done it.
BUT YOU DIDN'T DO IT!!!
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1831873
Millie 116,988 28
07/09/2009 06:14 PM
Bayan, if it makes you feel any better, you didn't have a chance with her anyway.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1831877
Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
07/09/2009 07:20 PM
Yea -- we get it. I Frosted up.
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