KChikita Banana Box 50,197 11
06/12/2009 05:53 PM

Go to the seediest pawn shop you have available in a 50 mile radius. Buy the ugliest wedding ring with the smallest miniscule "diamond" they have available. Make sure it's the wrong size for your wife's finger. Also make sure you don't pay more than $40 for it.

Put it in a jewelry box and wrap it (or have it wrapped) beautifully. Take her out to dinner and at the opportune moment, get down on one knee. Look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to you and that no ring can ever diminish or change that. Then offer her the wrapped box.

At this point, you had better have actually bought a decent replacement to placate her after she sees the chintz in the box, but the expression on her face should be priceless.

Bayan Rabbani 1,649 3
06/12/2009 05:54 PM

This is one of the top 3 greatest thing that could ever happen to a man (the other 2 involve goats). Anything you want is yours now.

Demand Anal. She's practically putting up a checkered flag.

Professor Nutbutter 150,766 13
06/12/2009 05:58 PM

Demand Anal.

If she were anal, she'd know where she put the ring.

Dead Robot Caliente 67,231 11
06/12/2009 06:04 PM

You can either go guilt for yourself (Hey honey!52" LCD HDTV would be a great new "ring" and certainly won't get lost as easily!), or you can go fresh start new romantic (I made this ring from my own bone shavings).

Choose wisely.

Mothcleaner 3,592 5
06/12/2009 06:21 PM

Is our marriage null and void until she finds her ring, meaning I can go post an ad on Craigslist looking for a three-way with a couple of porn actresses?

Wait, that's not okay normally? Frost, I have a few calls to make.



Apparently "someone" missed the part where he said he was already married, therefore has no need to propose Again. *cough*KChiki*cough*


As for my suggestion, do what i did when my wife was a retard and lost hers "somewhere between here and wherever she went" (she's blonde). Do things purposefully to piss her off such as leave dirty clothes dishes and stuff everywhere, basically be a big douche and when she starts to bitch you out over it, just say: at least i didn't lose symbol of love and commitment to you. she'll run off crying, and you'll get at least two days of quiet. BEST GIFT EVAH!

Professor Nutbutter 150,766 13
06/12/2009 06:25 PM

leave dirty clothes dishes and stuff everywhere, basically be a big douche

So, pretty much just be myself then. I can manage that.

KChikita Banana Box 50,197 11
06/12/2009 07:01 PM

Apparently "someone" missed the part where he said he was already married, therefore has no need to propose Again. *cough*KChiki*cough*

Umm, the POINT of my exercise was romance/irony/"What the Frost is this garbage??". Apparently "someone" missed that part. *cough*Ravos*cough*

Mothcleaner 3,592 5
06/12/2009 07:04 PM

Apparently "someone" missed that part. *cough*Ravos*cough*

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

KChikita Banana Box 50,197 11
06/12/2009 07:06 PM

Shaddup! I have bronchitis! *cough*douchebag*cough*

Like a Ravos 33,595 9
06/12/2009 07:07 PM

Umm, the POINT of my exercise was romance/irony/"What the Frost is this garbage??". Apparently "someone" missed that part. *cough*Ravos*cough*

Hey, how the hell did I get dragged into this!?

Mothcleaner 3,592 5
06/12/2009 07:08 PM

Symptoms of bronchitis:
* A cough that is frequent and produces mucus
* A lack of energy
* A wheezing sound when breathing, which may or may not be present
* A fever, which may or may not be present

Nope, Being a dumbass isn't listed. Must be a personality disorder instead.

Like a Ravos 33,595 9
06/12/2009 07:10 PM

I think you missed one...

Symptoms of bronchitis:
* A cough that is frequent and produces mucus
* A lack of energy
* A wheezing sound when breathing, which may or may not be present
* A fever, which may or may not be present
* Blaming Ravos for everything!

KChikita Banana Box 50,197 11
06/12/2009 07:10 PM

I just realized what's happening. There's obviously a conspiracy going on here.

STOP SWITCHING NAMES, YOU TWO!

Like a Ravos 33,595 9
06/12/2009 07:15 PM

I didn't switch names. Add one more to the list.

Symptoms of bronchitis:
* A cough that is frequent and produces mucus
* A lack of energy
* A wheezing sound when breathing, which may or may not be present
* A fever, which may or may not be present
* Blaming Ravos for everything!
* Delusions

Un-like a Ravos 3,592 5
06/12/2009 07:19 PM

Seriously, I have no clue what you're talking about.

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 33,595 9
06/12/2009 07:28 PM

Me neither.

KChikita Banana Box 50,197 11
06/12/2009 07:40 PM

So. Confused.

John Hargrave 116,544 19
06/12/2009 08:09 PM

An hour of sex for every hour the ring goes missing.

Redeemable upon demand.

Then spend a LOOOONG time trying to choose a replacement.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
06/12/2009 08:15 PM

An hour couple minutes of sex for every hour the ring goes missing.

There fixed it for you.

Anh is over there. 10,502 8
06/12/2009 09:23 PM

In Vietnam, most people are poor and sometimes the guy gives the girl a grass ring made out of... grass. It's cheap, colorful, and edible if you're a cow.

So get on Whistler's lawn and make her a ring!

Also, make on-demand blow jobs a new mandate until she digs up the old ring.

Bayan Rabbani 1,649 3
06/12/2009 09:26 PM

An hour couple minutes hour of sex for every hour the ring goes missing.

There fixed it for you.

Professor Nutbutter 150,766 13
06/12/2009 09:32 PM

An hour of sex for every hour the ring goes missing.

She lost her ring, not her mind.

UnderWhelmed 72,706 15
06/12/2009 09:41 PM

When Spicey lost his wedding ring in the lake last summer, he just laid in bed crying like a damn fool woman. I went to Walmart and bought him a titanium replacement that cost like $60. His original ring cost around $700, but I told him I wasn't going to waste that kind of money again on a guy who didn't care enough about me not to lose the most meaningful symbol of our love.

I did give him sex afterward though, because he just kept crying, and everyone knows it's always better when the stripper Spicey is crying.

Chix is in da house 237,811 14
06/12/2009 10:02 PM

Hen's lost two (2), count them, dos, ENGAGEMENT RINGS. Lose the wedding band, woman. It's cheap by comparison. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO..

Anyway, Gavia is a damn dirty hippy anyway. Just get her a new grateful dead shirt and she'll do you three ways from Sunday.


And the "plus it's edible if you're a cow" is funny on so many levels.

Pants 12,160 13
06/13/2009 01:34 AM

Nutbutter, just replace it with the ring below. Both of you will be happier for it.

Just Plain Jeeni 10,969 10
06/13/2009 01:39 AM

"She's been doing a lot of gardening lately, all over the yard, so it could be buried just about anywhere."

"Gardening" Is that the new urban word for sex?

Aha! The urban definitions are better than anticipated! Rawr!

Azz Lava 148 1
06/13/2009 10:30 AM

You should use this as insurance; you now have the right to lose the ring once and not suffer any consequences (assuming you haven't lost it before).

To play on this in the present, just take a quick glance at her finger and give her a sad look. That should get you whatever you want (assuming she actually gives a Shakespeare).

Millie 106,763 10
06/13/2009 06:42 PM

Buy her a metal detector. Maybe she'll find a bunch of rings.

Also, I've met your wife and she's way too good for you. So I think you should be crossing your fingers that she doesn't just see this as a sign to move on.

Bill the Squirrel 25,333 8
06/13/2009 06:54 PM

If my wife lost her ring, she would probably find a way to blame it on me.


So, sorry I got nothing for you.

Bayan Rabbani 1,649 3
06/13/2009 10:50 PM

Again, I submit to you... Anal

Professor Nutbutter 150,766 13
06/13/2009 11:35 PM

Well, I'm not used to being the top during anal but if you're willing to submit to me, I'll be happy to oblige.

Pubah 47,449 11
06/14/2009 01:50 AM

Stay away from pon shops...you may find her 'missing' ring there.

Pubah 47,449 11
06/14/2009 01:52 AM

Pawn...dictionaries are the Shakespeare!

peoriagrace 5,962 9
06/14/2009 07:41 AM

I thought you were trying to say pron shops; gives you a different kind of image.

Pubah 47,449 11
06/14/2009 01:29 PM

Shrimp or "Training Movies"?

Bayan Rabbani 1,649 3
06/14/2009 07:52 PM

Did someone say porn? Where?

Sully 350 7
06/29/2009 10:06 PM

She forgot the ring on my bedside table. Just send her over and she can have it back.

Ali_Legend 729 5
06/30/2009 04:42 AM

Nobody else getting confused with all these ravos's?

Reverendhongry - Omniscrotent 291 2
07/08/2009 10:40 AM

Demand Anal. She's practically putting up a checkered flag.

You mean you would marry her before you were able to demand anal?

talk about investing in futures...