Prank Phone Call to Petsmart
A comedy article
by Bayan Rabbani | 06/19/2009 01:42 AM | 1529 views
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Petsmart Employee: Hello, Petsmart. This is Earl, how can I help you?
Me: Hello Earl, how are you?
Earl: Just fine, how can I help?
Me: Well, I have a few questions, and those questions will probably have follow-up questions.
Earl: What can I do for you?
Me: About how many kittens do you currently have in the store?
Earl: How many?
Me: How many.
Earl: Somewhere between 6-10. Are you looking to adopt?
Me: No no, my seed is healthy; I have no need for adoption.
*silence*
Me: These are kittens, correct? I'm not looking for full blown cats.
Earl: Some are older, but we generally maintain younger felines.
Me: That's good, because I'm not looking to blow a cat.
Earl: You said that.
Me: I'm not into bestiality Earl. At least not this early in the summer.
*5 seconds of silence*
Earl: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Me: Can I put you on hold for a few minutes? I have to wax my armpit. Actually, let me call you back in a few minutes.
Earl: Any employee can answer your questions sir.
Me: I know Earl, but I think we have something good here. I'll just be a moment. Ohh ... the wax is so hot.
Earl: Alright. Goodbye.
*I call back 2 minutes later*
Earl: Petsmart, this is Earl. How may I help you?
Me: It's me Earl. I'm glad you picked up. I missed you -- like the deserts miss the rain.
Earl: I see.
Me: How knowledgeable are you in regards to meat preparation?
Earl: Meat preparation?
Me: For example. Let's say I have an animal that I want to cook. How would you suggest I prepare that meat?
Earl: I suppose it depends on the animal.
Me: A kitty.
Earl: A what?
Me: Meow. A kitty.
Earl: Um...
Me: Can you make sure the kitty I choose doesn't have a name? I don't want any attachments.
Earl: Ok...
Me: I have some turmeric here and cayenne pepper. Sea salt or regular salt? Call it.
Earl: I don't...
Me: Oh, but you already have.
Earl: What?
Me: Huh?
Earl: Are you cooking a cat?
Me: Listen Earl, I'm not Vietnamese, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
Earl: What does that have to do with -- *interrupted*
Me: *yelling* Silence you fool!! Away!! Oh, not you Earl, my father got out of his cage.
*silence*
Me: Do you sell the kitties in bulk?
Earl: We're not selling you anything.
Me: Fine, I'll make you a deal. Give me a good price, and I'll share some
of my Kitty Primavera.
*silence*
Me: Earl? You there?
Me: Meow.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.3
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0 votes
0.0
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Member Number 11477
06/19/2009 03:05 AM
Wow... loved it! Bayan, I like your stories.
...and, first to post!!!1!1!
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Funny
4 votes
3.7
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Remarkably similar to a Ravos
06/19/2009 06:58 AM
I'm not into bestiality Earl. At least not this early in the summer.
It was worth reading the article just for that line.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Bayan Rabbani
06/19/2009 11:39 AM
I was actually semi-serious about this. Kitties are probably high in protein and flavor.
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.0
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KChikita Banana Box
06/19/2009 11:46 AM
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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peoriagrace
06/19/2009 03:57 PM
Oh my god, that is the cutest sandwich ever!
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Nipples_4_u_84_california
06/19/2009 04:16 PM
Okay so I think I've got you figured out. You're a cat eating, breast milk drinking terrorist. And a funny one at that. Nice article Bayan. Usually people that post articles at the rate you've been posting them get bitched at for being annoying. That's mainly because they're not very funny though(said the guy ranked 32).
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Bayan Rabbani
06/20/2009 01:45 AM
You're a cat eating,breast milk drinkingterrorist.
Technically, I haven't had breast milk since I was an infant. That will soon change, just you wait.
See my article about my experience at Starbucks: http://zug.com/live/81696/Starbucks.html#1829786
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0 votes
0.0
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Remarkably similar to a Ravos
06/22/2009 07:51 AM
See my article about my experience at Starbucks
Do I have to?
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0 votes
0.0
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Bayan Rabbani
06/22/2009 10:00 AM
Do I have to?
No.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Feel the Fratberry
06/22/2009 01:53 PM
And by "Meh", I meant that most of my normal phone calls to Petsmart tend to go this way.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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John Hargrave
06/22/2009 11:34 PM
Comedy brilliance.
Linking to it from the ZUG homepage.
Thanks Kchiki for the LOLCAT image, which I've added to the article.
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0 votes
0.0
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Brogel
06/26/2009 05:33 PM
So? I eat Poe daily.
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0 votes
0.0
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LeLibrePenseur
09/03/2009 01:53 PM
haha, looks like Earl did have a bad work time that morning
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