Prank Phone Call to Petsmart
A comedy article
by Bayan Rabbani  2,826  14
06/19/2009 01:42 AM 3007 views
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Petsmart Employee: Hello, Petsmart. This is Earl, how can I help you?
Me: Hello Earl, how are you?
Earl: Just fine, how can I help?
Me: Well, I have a few questions, and those questions will probably have follow-up questions.
Earl: What can I do for you?
Me: About how many kittens do you currently have in the store?
Earl: How many?
Me: How many.
Earl: Somewhere between 6-10. Are you looking to adopt?
Me: No no, my seed is healthy; I have no need for adoption.
*silence*
Me: These are kittens, correct? I'm not looking for full blown cats.
Earl: Some are older, but we generally maintain younger felines.
Me: That's good, because I'm not looking to blow a cat.
Earl: You said that.
Me: I'm not into bestiality Earl. At least not this early in the summer.
*5 seconds of silence*
Earl: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Me: Can I put you on hold for a few minutes? I have to wax my armpit. Actually, let me call you back in a few minutes.
Earl: Any employee can answer your questions sir.
Me: I know Earl, but I think we have something good here. I'll just be a moment. Ohh ... the wax is so hot.
Earl: Alright. Goodbye.
*I call back 2 minutes later*
Earl: Petsmart, this is Earl. How may I help you?
Me: It's me Earl. I'm glad you picked up. I missed you -- like the deserts miss the rain.
Earl: I see.
Me: How knowledgeable are you in regards to meat preparation?
Earl: Meat preparation?
Me: For example. Let's say I have an animal that I want to cook. How would you suggest I prepare that meat?
Earl: I suppose it depends on the animal.
Me: A kitty.
Earl: A what?
Me: Meow. A kitty.
Earl: Um...
Me: Can you make sure the kitty I choose doesn't have a name? I don't want any attachments.
Earl: Ok...
Me: I have some turmeric here and cayenne pepper. Sea salt or regular salt? Call it.
Earl: I don't...
Me: Oh, but you already have.
Earl: What?
Me: Huh?
Earl: Are you cooking a cat?
Me: Listen Earl, I'm not Vietnamese, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
Earl: What does that have to do with -- *interrupted*
Me: *yelling* Silence you fool!! Away!! Oh, not you Earl, my father got out of his cage.
*silence*
Me: Do you sell the kitties in bulk?
Earl: We're not selling you anything.
Me: Fine, I'll make you a deal. Give me a good price, and I'll share some
of my Kitty Primavera.
*silence*
Me: Earl? You there?
Me: Meow.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.3
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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0 votes
0.0
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Member Number 11477 43,381  49
06/19/2009 03:05 AM
Wow... loved it! Bayan, I like your stories.
...and, first to post!!!1!1!
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Funny
4 votes
3.7
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Remarkably similar to a Ravos 62,361 20
06/19/2009 06:58 AM
I'm not into bestiality Earl. At least not this early in the summer.
It was worth reading the article just for that line.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/19/2009 11:39 AM
I was actually semi-serious about this. Kitties are probably high in protein and flavor.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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peoriagrace 6,153 11
06/19/2009 03:57 PM
Oh my god, that is the cutest sandwich ever!
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/20/2009 01:45 AM
You're a cat eating,breast milk drinkingterrorist.
Technically, I haven't had breast milk since I was an infant. That will soon change, just you wait.
See my article about my experience at Starbucks: http://zug.com/live/81696/Starbucks.html#1829786
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0 votes
0.0
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Remarkably similar to a Ravos 62,361 20
06/22/2009 07:51 AM
See my article about my experience at Starbucks
Do I have to?
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0 votes
0.0
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Bayan Rabbani 2,826 14
06/22/2009 10:00 AM
Do I have to?
No.
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0 votes
0.0
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Feel the Fratberry 277,318 52
06/22/2009 10:15 AM
Meh.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Feel the Fratberry 277,318 52
06/22/2009 01:53 PM
And by "Meh", I meant that most of my normal phone calls to Petsmart tend to go this way.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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John Hargrave 128,123 71
06/22/2009 11:34 PM
Comedy brilliance.
Linking to it from the ZUG homepage.
Thanks Kchiki for the LOLCAT image, which I've added to the article.
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0 votes
0.0
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Brogel 76 8
06/26/2009 05:33 PM
So? I eat Poe daily.
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0 votes
0.0
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LeLibrePenseur 3 4
09/03/2009 01:53 PM
haha, looks like Earl did have a bad work time that morning
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