There was this one time my hand slipped....ahhhh.. Shakespeare....never mind forget I said that.

One time when I was a lot younger, my girl and I were at the beach in Galveston. We were way far out in the water and nobody was around. One thing led to another and sex ensued.

While we were doing our thing, a catamaran came sailing by and hit her in the head. Knocked her out cold. She broke up with me later that week. Ungratful bitch, it wasn't my fault her bikini bottoms floated away while I was keeping her head above water.

Bill, this is zug. 98% of livers have giant asses melded into their computer chairs and eye glasses approximately the same size. The other 2% are molesters/pedophiles and probably don't remember their earlier years and haven't improved much since then, thus turning them into molesters/pedophiles.

All in all, I don't think you're going to get very good response to your thread.

a catamaran came sailing by and hit her in the head

I get the feeling all your sex stories involve some kind of trauma.

I don't know when I first picked up sucking Coleridge it was almost like I had one myself and knew just what to do.

Well this one time I was making out with my boyfriend and we were doing the dry hump. He was really going to town. In walks his friend who starts to say "oh sorry maaa what the hell dude don't you know you need to take off your clothes first!" All I could do was laugh and my boyfriend was deeply embarrassed... for about 5 minutes.

I don't know when I first picked up sucking Coleridge it was almost like I had one myself and knew just what to do.

And your doorknob excuse is?

Oh, I think peoriagrace has one that we haven't heard before.

After dating my first boyfriend for several weeks; he invited me over to watch him play soccer. I readily agreed. the game was over a little early so we went back to his house; his Mom was not yet at home and mine would pick me up in about an hour. So we started kissing which I could of done forever. It was so fun. After a while of this he stops me and says he doesn't want to have sex. I'm puzzled(I had no idea why he would bring this up), but say ok and immediately start kissing again. Then after about a minute stops again saying, he wants to get a snack and something to drink. So we have snacks and watch tv; tell his Mom gets home and I have a nice time talking to his Mom. A couple years later, I finally understand the whole situation on this particular day. Here I am having a wonderful time kissing. That's all I thought was going on. I was totally confused as to why he wood bring up sex. Now when I looked back on it I was just about torturing the poor guy. We were sitting up on the couch when we started; but somehow I wound up on top of him. I'm sure I was gyrating my body all around the place. I hadn't yet discovered the rest of our bodies could be so arousing. I was only enjoying the kissing. He must of thought I was trying to change his mind with all my continued gyrations and kissing. I was so naive, what a dolt.

This is more of a very retarded unlove moment, but I had sex for the first a couple months ago.

At 25.

Years ago, in my heady days youth, I found myself sharing an apartment with an older woman. Now I can say in all honesty that I did, in fact, put my cucumber of Eros into her Aphrodite salad. On several occasions.

But there was never any dressing.

I was more inclined to tie her up, tickle her feet and then the next morning just rub one off on her leg.

Then I'd go pee.

Needless to say, I don't go on many dates.

My first time at sex I was extremely drunk and this girl took me home. I could barely get it up. We proceeded to try and have sex.

I was so drunk I asked her "Am I in yet?". She got extremely annoyed and muttered something to the effect, "I am not that loose". I don't really remember exactly what it was but I think she thought I was accusing her of having a sloppy cooch from being a slut....

Ok what about those retarded love moments that happen still well into adult hood. Ones I hate the most:

Whiskey dick meets cotton Poe.

Dirty talk = restrained laughter = demasculization =impotence

Frost farts.

Heavy drinking + passionate sex + a forgotten tampon = embarassing emergency room visit

This is more of a very retarded unlove moment, but I had sex for the first a couple months ago. At 25.

Meh. Spicey made it to 29.

I don't generally think of women as being young, dumb, and full of cum. I think they're more likely to be young, dumb, and full of chocolate.
And feelings. Gotta have those! That pillow's not going to cry into itself...

I also would like to declare that it's been while since I last had sex. If I can't orgasm in the girl, I will probably just give her an IOU.

And, of course, the guys who are trying to get into the girls' hollowed out guts are young, dumb, and full of Shakespeare!

Spicey is the winnar, no doubt, but...

John Cleese, on losing his virginity

It was in The Station Hotel in Auckland that I broke my duck. How old? I'll never be able to live this down.... 24.

Ha! Take that, you english pig-dog, bed-wetting kniggits!

I don't generally think of women as being young, dumb, and full of cum

I'm sorry Pram, you're dating the wrong girls. Most of the time, after leaving a girlfriends house, she was exactly that.

What other sex acts did you use on her?

I hear the Monroe Transfer is pretty fun.

I hear the Monroe Transfer is pretty fun.

Dude... That is Frosted. More Frosted than Bill.

I went to Catholic school and so I was fairly naive when I had my first sexual experience. Anyway, despite what the name implies, there is nothing that lucky about being the Lucky Pierre.

One time I was with a girl at her house. It was about 2 in the morning and her son was sleeping in the other room. We had been doing our thing for a little while and were kind of distracted, so we didn't notice her son walking into the room.

He stood up on the chair next to the bed and started to pee on us. I, of course, flew off the bed and said to him, "Why the hell are you doing that?"

He says to me, "That's what the other guy was doing the other night."


I never went back there.

Bill, of all the completely Frosted up posts by all the completely Frosted up people who post on this completely Frosted up site, that last one stood out as something special.



Congratulations!

Dude... That is Frosted. More Frosted than Bill.

You are not saying much.

One time I was with a girl at her house. It was about 2 in the morning and her son was sleeping in the other room. We had been doing our thing for a little while and were kind of distracted,

who, you and her son? SPECIFY!

Pubah hasn't had sex yet...
...his baby mama told him she got pregnent from sitting on the toilet...

...he should have known she was lying after she got pregnant from two recently stolen...brand new toilet seats.

who, you and her son? SPECIFY!

Pram, this thread is for people who HAVE had sex (with other people) to post in. Your hand and your Adidas don't count.

If you would like, I will start a thread for you to post your inane drivel in. I will call it, "Pram's inane drivel thread". How would you like that?

Everyone knows Pram favors converse over adidas.

They're Nike Airs. And that's besides the point, which is about having sex with people.

I can have sex with women, I've done it, but due to 1. fear of contracting an STD, 2. fear of contracting a marriage license with prenup, and 3. fear of contractually being obligated to give me two halves of everything I own, I choose not to have it.

fear of contractually being obligated to give her two halves of everything I own, I choose not to have it.

Dammit, I got all excited, too.

Apparently I'm the only person with all these Frosted up stories?

I was dating a girl named Wendy for about 4 months when my birthday came around. She got it in her head that she was going to go out to the bar pick another girl up so we could have a threesome.

So I'm sitting at the house waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and so on. At about 4:00 in the morning she stumbles with this other girl who is helping her because she is wasted.

Wendy then started pulling her clothes off and told the other girl to do the same. This other girl looks at her and says, "Hey, me and my boyfriend just gave you a ride home because you couldn't drive, I'm not into that." and then she left.

Wendy threw up on me right in the middle of sex that morning.

Boy I can pick some winners huh?

First time at shower um..."love" I'm behind her she's bent over I decide that for more leverage I'm going to put my foot on the edge of the bathtub. VERY BAD IDEA. I slip, both legs slide out in front of me; this in turn brings her down on me. She lets out a scream that would bring tears to a banshe's eyes. I've fallen hard enough that I can barely move (it turns out I fractured my tailbone.) As she collects herself there is a loud knocking at her front door, she puts on a robe and goes to the door. In the mean time I'm trying to decide if I need a trip to the emergency room. Her neighbor who is a rather large man burst in yelling: "where the hell is he!" From the screams he thinks I'm hitting her. I'm thinking "oh god I've got to get up out of this tub." Too late he's already making his way through the bedroom. He comes into the bathroom to find me still in the tub naked, in pain, and at this point experiencing major shrinkage. The look on his face can only be described as quizzical disgusted loathing. He did not speak he just left. I couldn't bring myself to go back to her apartment ever again.

My ex is so mean. Every time I apologize for making her wear a hotdog suit, she deflects it.

You or the hotdog suit?

One of my friends was having a get together at her apartment, and a bunch of people were there. Midway through the party, she asks me to join her in the bathroom. I really wasn't attracted to her anyway, but whatever, So I go, and she opens the shower curtain, and there is a huge hole where part of the wall used to be.

I ask her what the hell happened, and she said her boyfriend. I am like "What, he kicked in the wall?" and she is like "No, we were both in th-" and I say "That is all I need to hear."

I know fatties need love too, but I don't need to hear about it.

My ex is so mean. Every time I apologize for making her wear a hotdog suit, she deflects it.



........................"DEFLECTED".........................

Why is the hotdog wearing a life preserver?

Hey Pram! Are you going to go see the MC Escher exhibit? I'm going in August.

Bill = FAIL

Lobster = Bag of skin surrounding a well used vagina!

So I know you have a story for this thread.

Well, I've gotten 34 clickies since midnight.

Seems to me I've been getting a lot of retard love.

When I was still working at the bar, I get a phone call early one morning while I'm still in bed from the daytime bartender. I'm a bit hungover from being out the night before, but I figure it might be important so I answer.

Bartender: "Hey, there's some woman here looking for her daughter."

Me: "And..."

BT: "She can't get in touch with her and is worried...she's about to call the cops"

Me: "So what, is the girl of age?"

BT: "Yeah, she's 22, but she hasn't answered her phone and her mom is nervous."

Me: "For Frost's sake, tell her to calm down I'm sure the girl is fine. Why did you call me anyway?"

BT: "The mom said her daughter knows you. The girl's name is (DELETED)and she...

Me: (interrupting) "Oh Frost, you've got to be Shakespeare-ing me. Tell the mom she'll get a call in 5 minutes."

I hang up the phone then roll over.

Me: "(DELETED) wake up and call your mom, she's at (MY FORMER PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT) looking for you"



Yeah, that's fun. Having the mom of the girl that no one knows you're sleeping with show up at your place of employment to ask if they will call me so she can get in touch.

Oh yeah, and Whistler told me he loved me on Twitter.

I do love you, but New Jersey will never be Montreal.

True. Too many NJ strippers have C-Section scars.

Truly. Retarded. Love!

Truly. Retarded. Love!

Your rank number 1 but whistler is the current funniest? MindFrost.

*you're

I remember receiving my first bj. Being a good Catholic boy I felt really guilty after and thought I should go to confession right away. I asked a buddy of mine, who was an alter-boy, "what's father give for a bj?". He says, "a coke an' a bag of chips".