Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/22/2009 08:27 PM

I hope you didn't choose a colour scheme for the nursery yet if you don't know if it'll be a boy or a girl uterus yet.

Good luck, and enjoy the morphine while you legally can.

Nipples_4_u_84_california 2,121 5
06/22/2009 08:40 PM

Great. Now we can't make fun of you ever again. At least until you die.

MungChamp 22,451 16
06/22/2009 08:54 PM

Best of luck Shell!

Make sure to demand an endless supply of painkillers so you can sell to local teenagers and profit live your life pain free.

Heal up quick and I will work on my moves in the meantime. Nsfw.

Shell Belle 31,306 9
06/22/2009 11:45 PM

I spelled harass wrong, didn't I?

I blame my uterus. Defective piece of Shakespeare.

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/22/2009 11:50 PM

Don't worry Shell, I'm sure you'll come out on top, as usual.

Silly Pram 53,179 9 puts on his harrassment suit, then steps into a bulletproof glass box with a microphone in it
06/23/2009 12:33 AM

*taps on the microphone to make sure it works, then leans into it*

I'm sure the baby will come out stupid.

Silly Pram 53,179 9 still inside the glass box
06/23/2009 08:31 AM

Hello? Is there anyone there? I forgot to make the glass transparent.

Silly Pram 53,179 9
06/23/2009 08:31 AM

I also forgot proper ventillatio

Shell Belle 31,306 9
06/23/2009 04:43 PM

Alright, I'm just gonna put it out there. My number, not my uterus. Well, I am going to put my uterus out there, but when I say "out there" for my uterus, it's a different "out there" than my cell number.

And I'm not really going to put my uterus out there, my doctor is. I wonder if she'll take pictures of it. If she did that I could photoshop in a cute background and say, "Here my uterus is at the Grand Canyon!"

My cell number is (440) 554-1896. I'll be in the hospital Wednesday through Saturday or Sunday. Only two people even asked for it. You guys suck. When I get out of the hospital and my hormones are raging, I'm going to hunt down every last one of you and kick you in the place where your nuts are supposed to be.

Chix is in da house 238,014 14
06/23/2009 04:48 PM

Shell, post your hospital room phone number. Those I call. I called Donk and Jane and the new spud when they were still in.

Last couple of times I let a Gabber have my cell phone number I ended up with weepy Austrailian accented phone calls at three in the morning. You learn that lesson fast.

KChikita Banana Box 50,399 11
06/23/2009 04:54 PM

I would have asked, but I've been out of town. But now I have your number! Muwahahaha!

Bill the Squirrel 25,487 8
06/23/2009 05:22 PM

I would have asked for your number but, I'm going to be at the hospital Wednesday taking out some chicks uterus.

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/23/2009 06:06 PM

I'm going to hunt down every last one of you and kick you in the place where your nuts are supposed to be.

So you're gunna kick Bill in the mouth?

Whistler P. McManus 141,361 23
06/23/2009 07:34 PM

Shelle, which hospital are you going to be in? I might be able to arrange for a stalker. Or a strip-o-gram.

Shell Belle 31,306 9
06/23/2009 08:31 PM

Parma Community General, the best hospital in Parma. It 's the best because it's the only one.

Whistler P. McManus 141,361 23
06/23/2009 11:36 PM

Dang. I was hoping for AC, AG or Robinson, where I have connections. I don't know anyone at Parma. I do like their cheese, though.

KChikita Banana Box 50,399 11
06/23/2009 11:38 PM

Doesn't Sean work at Parma?

(Ba-dump-SHING!)

Les Manturd 219,052 13
06/24/2009 12:03 AM

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/24/2009 12:05 AM

(Ba-dump-SHING!)

Don't you mean 'Ba-dump-SEAN'?

KChikita Banana Box 50,399 11
06/24/2009 12:06 AM

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hush, ThunderBalls!

MungChamp 22,451 16
06/24/2009 12:34 AM

I was checking the Yellow Page listing for Parna Community Hospital so I can touch your boobs while you are sedated and found this review.

Looks like you are in good hands!

Shell Belle 31,306 9
06/24/2009 12:55 AM

Mmmm, bread pudding

Rock LobstARRRGHH!!! 9,793 9
06/24/2009 01:40 AM

Lemme know if you start lactating. My mom did after hers. So. Weird. But then we can be milk buddies!

ThunderBalls 219,052 13
06/24/2009 06:36 AM

Hush, ThunderBalls!

YOU CANNOT SILENCE THE THUNDERBALLS!!11

Dogs Akimbo 158,667 11
06/24/2009 09:47 AM

Great. Post your number on ZUG. You're gonna get a lot of phone calls with nothing but heavy breathing. But it will only be because we just walked up a flight of stairs.

UnderWhere? 72,813 16
06/24/2009 02:41 PM

Shelle, I didn't ask for your number because I already had it programmed into my phone. However, it looks like I had the wrong one, so I'm glad you posted the correct number.

I wonder who has been receiving all my late night drunken donkey calls.

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/24/2009 03:59 PM

Lemme know if you start lactating. My mom did after hers. So. Weird. But then we can be milk buddies starbucks employees!

Bill the Squirrel 25,487 8
06/24/2009 10:58 PM

I think we all need to take a moment and call Shell, multiple times, and fill up her voice mail box, completely.

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/24/2009 11:03 PM

With donkey calls, of course.

Bill the Squirrel 25,487 8
06/24/2009 11:06 PM

Well Duh!

Remarkably similar to a Ravos 34,184 10
06/24/2009 11:07 PM

Well onomatopoeia!

Ravos the Sasquatch 34,184 10
06/25/2009 10:51 PM

I heard from Shell, she wanted me to let everyone know she is doing okay now.

She also wanted me to pass on thanks to chit for the bouquet of turtle cookies or something.

I think she may be hallucinating...

Bill the Squirrel 25,487 8
06/26/2009 07:45 AM

I also just heard from Shell. She is doing good and wanted me to tell you something. Her words; "I am a whiny bitch, and forced them to let me go home. Donkey call me there."

She also wanted me to say she is going to name the baby uterus Billamina, in honor of her favorite Gabber.

Ravos the Sasquatch 34,184 10
06/26/2009 04:37 PM

So I take it that it is a beautiful baby girl.

Awwwwwww, I think she's smiling!

KChikita Banana Box 50,399 11
06/26/2009 04:40 PM

I'm so going to send her this.

Shell Belle 31,306 9
06/26/2009 06:52 PM

I'm home!

I was having a rough time in the hospital. I was having hot flashes (which let me tell you are no picnic) and then I started sobbing uncontrollably. They sent me home at about ten last night.

Thanks so much to everyone who called and texted! Also to Chit, who sent me a huge bouquet of turtle cookies! I was in a drug haze when they were delivered, and all I could think of was that zombie kid who likes turtles. I kept saying, "I like turtles!" I said it about a dozen times, and then my roommate said, "Alright, you like turtles. Shut up already!" What a bitch.

Feel free to make fun of me all you want in the next few weeks as I become a hormonal mess. And you can keep calling and texting if you want.

KChikita Banana Box 50,399 11
06/26/2009 06:58 PM

Glad you're home okay! Emotional meltdowns are a bitch!

Chit 163,807 10
06/26/2009 08:06 PM

Congratulations Shell! Hospitals are no place to get better. You should be glad they shipped you off. If you are going to be an unruly whiny bitch...why waste it on a bunch of random hospital workers... Only family deserves that kind of love.

Glad you dug the "turtle" cookies. (speedy recovery = turtle) See how they do that?? Cookie. Frost-ing. Comedy. Gold. Right?

Have we seen pictures of the bio-waste yet??

peoriagrace 5,962 9
06/27/2009 04:28 PM

Glad to hear you're doing well. Sorry I didn't call or text. I've been selfishly(sitting on my ass) taking care of my 4yr old with a sinus infection and my own broken toe.

Dogs Akimbo 158,667 11
06/27/2009 04:38 PM

Congratulations! I'm not really sure what happened, but good luck with whatever it was you went home with.

UnderWhere? 72,813 16
06/27/2009 07:38 PM

I'm glad to hear you are doing okay! I only donkey-called you once, from my home phone.

Pubah 47,449 11
06/28/2009 06:47 AM

I hope you're feeling better...remember, they're POWER SURGES, not hot flashes

I'd give you a hug, but I'm stinky.

Member Number 11477 11,018 10
06/29/2009 08:05 AM

Awe. Hope everything went well, Shell Belle. I've not been checking in as frequently and didn't catch your thread 'till now. (I think it was buried under 15 or 20 "Michael Jackson" themed threads.)

Thud let me know you are recovering. He's a good egg.

Straw Trekkin Across the Universe 59,499 11
07/01/2009 06:04 PM

Clearly I need to be on Zug more often. For some reason I thought that today was the Wednesday you'd be going in. So I figured it was a funny coincidence that the completely awesome Cake Wrecks blogger was having a uterus-related procedure performed and decided to post pics of uterus cakes. I came to find this thread and post the link, and found out that you had it done last week. Glad everything went okay! Here's the link, even though I would be very surprised if you weren't already a Cake Wrecks fan:

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/07/considering-uterus.html

Dropkick Brody 41,439 9
07/02/2009 01:34 AM

Heh, Straw I just saw those today and thought they were awesomely horrific.

Shelly Swelly Belly 31,306 9
07/03/2009 01:06 AM

Sorry to bump this, but I wanted to share the misery.

I was rushed back to the hospital last night and emergency surgery was performed at about 2 am to fix a blood vessel that was leaking.

I have been through some extremely strange things in the past twenty-four hours. I'm really considering writing an article. The highlight of it all was when my doctor's male assistant had the nerve to ask me if I had caused the rupture myself by trying to have sex.

I'm telling you, if that man's balls had been anywhere near me at the time, he would no longer be wearing them.

On a side note, I have ruined the 2 month-old, beautiful, pale gray berber carpet in my bedroom. It looks like a crime scene in there.

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 11,018 10
07/03/2009 01:42 AM

Jesus.

A woman who's uterus is ripped from her and who's hormones are Frosted up is anxious to get back to having sex. Sounds like the doc's assistant has a few things to learn.

Wow. I'm mad too now. Sympathy clickies for you.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
07/03/2009 03:23 AM

I also am mad for you Shelle; want me to bring my scalping tools?
Be sure to file a complaint with the hospital and your doctor. If you have a good doctor they should rip this guy a new one for you.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
07/03/2009 03:25 AM

As for the carpet cold water, borax and baking soda; or try that stain stick. Good luck and you're in my prayers.

MungChamp 22,451 16
07/03/2009 03:45 AM

So let me get this straight.

Shell goes to the hospital and the doctor says "I am so sorry to tell you this, but, well, you need to stop masturbating."

Shell, noticeable irate says, "My god doc, that is the worst news I have ever heard. What the Frost. Why? Why!!!!"

Doctor says "because I am trying to give you an exam!"






Probably funnier when you were on Morphine. Get well soon!

Rock LobstARRRGHH!!! 9,793 9
07/03/2009 03:45 AM

Blood stains come out great with hydrogen peroxide. pour it on, let it sit a few minutes, dump massive amounts of cold water over it, soak up with a towel. Rinse and repeat until stain is gone. No scrubbing necessary.

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 11,018 10
07/03/2009 05:52 AM

Actually... that oxy clean stuff mixed with warm water is AWESOME with blood and incidentally, with iodine.

I really think they used iodine in their commercials - because I accidentally dropped iodine on my off-white bathroom rug, and was devastated with the horrible stains. I tried washing it out with warm water and laundry detergent, and it just spread and made it worse. I mixed up some oxy clean and warm water and it disappeared like Frost-ing magic. Good luck!

Whistler P. McManus 141,361 23
07/03/2009 08:27 AM

The last thing this woman needs to do is to get down on her knees and scrub the carpet.

Call your insurance agent. Ask them if your house is covered for damages caused by your womb falling out. I bet they don't have the stones to say no.




(Sorry for your troubles, Shelle. Feel better soon!)

Ravos as Baldilocks 34,184 10
07/06/2009 06:52 PM

That sucks Shell! Mojo sent.


On the plus side, you definitely came to the right place for tips on removing blood stains and other pesky evidence.

Autra - Generic Unfunny Live Member 7,936 6
07/06/2009 06:56 PM

The last thing this woman needs to do is to get down on her knees and scrub the carpet.

Ha.

I bet you were laughing to yourself as you typed this, since we all know if she's not in the kitchen, she damn well better be on her knees either scrubbing the floor, or doing one of those other womenfolk-type duties.

On a less LIVEr note, mojo sent.