*I call T-Mobile and go through several menus until I reach someone in Customer Service*
T-Mobile Customer Service: Thank you for calling T-Mobile, this is Janet speaking. How may I direct your call?
Me: Hello Janet.
Janet: Hello. Who am I speaking with today?
Me: Bayan.
Janet: How may I direct your call?
Me: Well, I'm currently a T-Mobile customer and have been for some time now.
Janet: Let me look up your account information. Give me just a sec.
Me: Alright.
Janet: Yes Mr. Rabbani, I see that you have been a T-Mobile customer for several years now. We thank you for your loyalty.
Me: That's the problem.
Janet: Oh no, I do apologize, how can I enhance your experience with T-
Mobile? What seems to be the problem?
Me: Stop doing what you do.
Janet: Pardon?
Me: Stop selling my phone records. I know it's you.
Janet: Excuse me?
Me: I read that article in the Washington Post. It says that cell-phone providers can sell my phone record for a bribe.
Janet: I can assure you Mr. Rabbani that your records with T-Mobile are private and not accessible by anyone besides you.
Me: Oh yea? How can you be so sure? How do you even know I'm Mr. Rabbani?
Janet: When you call customer service, you asked asked to put in the last 4 digits of your social security number. Also, your account is automatically brought up onto the screen so that we may better assist as quickly as possible.
Me: I don't believe this. I cannot believe you're being like this.
Janet: My apologies, I'm not sure exactly how I can be of assistance to you. Was there a specific discrepancy on your account?
Me: No Janet, no. *fake tears and crying sounds* I can't believe this!!
Janet: Mr. Rabbani, would you like me to transfer you to a supervisor?
Me: *sniffling* How could that possibly help me at this point Janet?
Janet: Well if you have any concerns about the privacy of your account, I would be more than happy to have my supervisor assure you that it is
secure and T-Mobile does not release phone records.
Me: My account? Phone records? What are you even talking about? What does that have to do with anything? Janet, my goldfish just died! How can you *sniffling* talk about accounts and supervisors at a time like this?!
Janet: Oh. I'm sorry for your loss.
Me: Janet, bring him back! Please bring back my sweet, sweet T-Mobile.
Janet: Was there an issue with you T-Mobile account?
Me: That's the name of my fish Janet! I named him after my cell phone
provider!
Janet: I don't think I can help you at this point. Are there any other questions I can answer for you about your account Mr. Rabbani?
Me: Yes.
Janet: How many I direct your call?
Me: I'm worried for my security Janet.
Janet: Mr. Rabbani, your account is secure I assure you. There are
specific codes and guidelines that we as T-Mobile employees follow in order to keep your account secure. If you'd like, we can implement an extra security ques*interrupted*
Me: Those are just details! I want results! I want answers! Oh god, I'm really not feeling well Janet. It's all going black now.
Janet: May I suggest perhaps taking a few minutes to breath, having a glass of water and calling back at a time when your thoughts are more
collected?
Me: Yes you may suggest that. Now I have a question for you.
Janet: Yes?
Me: Will you wait for me?
Janet: On hold?
Me: No Janet, I'm being shipped out to Iraq next week. Will you wait for me? Will you swear to me right now to only answer my customer service related questions and no one else's?
Janet: Is there anything else I can assist you with Mr. Rabbani?
Bayan: I love it when you call me that. Do it again.
Janet: Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Me: Yes Janet, but not on the first date. I consider myself a gentleman.
*silence*
Me: Janet?
*silence*
Me: Janet? You there?
*silence*
Me: Janet, it was a joke! Of course I'll let you do that for me on the first date!
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