The Infiltrator: Author's Lounge Chat Room
A comedy article
by Harmon Leon  1,676  3
06/26/2009 08:41 PM 555 views
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I'm a professional infiltrator.
When ZUG asked me to infiltrate various online forums, I thought there would be no better place to infiltrate than a pretentious chat room, where wannabe writers try to show how smart they are, and how much they know about writing and literature. I wanted to share information with them on a few books I like to read.
NIHITO: you can make money ... by writing ... its very easy
McToew4: Paul Harvey is the Reader's Digest version of radio
ME: Hey! Does anyone here like reading books?
Ig Bear: I love to read!
Gtseng3: we have to do something about the population. But government regulated population control is not the answer.
ME: I've read two great books lately. How about you?
Ig Bear: The Road by Cormic McCarthy was great
ME: One of the books I read is called Dianetics
(The text scrolling momentarily stops.)
ME: Has anyone read Dianetics?
(The scrolling still remains stopped.)
ME: it's by a man named L. Ron Hubbard
Hackwriter808: L. ron Hubbard was a fraud ...
NIHITO: no to Hubbard
Fandiode: Dianetics was an absurdity thirty years ago. It's only gotten worse since. Have you read any, like, actual books?
ME: The other book I read is called "The Bible."
NIHITO: never heard of it
ME: Has anyone picked up a copy?
McToew4: I prefer fiction that doesn't try to pass itself off as the truth
ME: It's a good book though the ending was a bit of a downer.
TRUBLIVR: u wont catch anyone in here admitting to receiving any lessons in that book, that would APPEAR TO OTHERS to be capitulation to archaic and stale ideas, a surrender to untested unproven conventions.
ME: If you like Dianetics, you'll also like Battlefield Earth. It's by the same author.
Hackwriter808: Scientologist are idiots
Fandiode: If you liked "Battlefield Earth," you'll like dog doo with parmesan cheese.
NIHITO: I totally agree
ME: Who would win a fight if it were L. Ron Hubbard vs. Jesus?
Ig Bear: Jesus would not be on the same card as L. Ron
NIHITO: Jesus could kick L. Ron's ass
ME: Did you know the basketball player Yao Ming is a Scientologist?
TRUBLIVR: bullShakespeare
ME: So is the woman who is the voice of Bart Simpson. Anyone one up for an E-mail reading?
NIHITO: I'm out of here.
Ig Bear: Me too.
ME: Hey, who would win a fight, Spiderman vs. Jesus?
Gseng3: The Bible has been proven historically accurate.
Anncrispin: We're suppose to be discussing how to complicate plots to produce book length manuscripts.
ME: Who would win a fight, Yao vs L. Ron Hubbard?!
(The scrolling once again stops)
ME: I'M 400LBS OF NUDE! NUDE! NUDE! NUDE!
CONCLUSION: Since no one responded, it's safe to assume that Yao could kick L. Ron Hubbard's ass.
Harmon Leon is an American journalist and humorist, and the author of five books, including The American Dream. Follow his infiltration exploits at Freedomhaters.org.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
13 votes
3.4
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Ravos the Sasquatch 34,222  10
06/26/2009 08:54 PM
When ZUG asked me to infiltrate various online forums, I thought there would be no better place to infiltrate than a pretentious chat room zug.com, where wannabe writers try to show how smart they are, and how much they know about writing and literature.
I see you are a double agent good sir. I am on to your game.
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0 votes
0.0
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Ravos the Sasquatch 34,222 10
06/26/2009 08:58 PM
From your wikipedia article:
Along with filmmaker Scott Calonico, Harmon launched in 2008 the website freedomhaters.org. The theme of the website is: Politics, Irony, Conspiracy, Nachos
So, who is Nachos gunna kill today?
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Brogel 76 6
06/27/2009 02:19 AM
Not to toot my own horn here (though I would like to blow it), but this is hardly any better than what I did when I was 15. Or what I do now, for that matter.
Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 141,398 23
06/27/2009 05:49 AM
Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!
I'm not sure what this part means. You found the article lighthearted and joyous? You found the article to be homosexual? You believe the author to be lighthearted and fun? You are homosexual?
Help me out here.
I thought the article was funny and well written, but infiltrating and busting up an internet chat is about as challenging as getting Bayan to write an article. Also, you should have had pictures.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Brogel 76 6
06/27/2009 01:17 PM
I'm not sure what this part means. You found the article lighthearted and joyous? You found the article to be homosexual? You believe the author to be lighthearted and fun? You are homosexual?
Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!
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0 votes
0.0
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Whistler P. McManus 141,398 23
06/27/2009 02:57 PM
I guess that means we're going with "you are a homosexual."
Well, good for you! You'll find yourself in good company here. The lovely Miss Trixxie will show you around QTA headquarters (accent on the 'head').
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0 votes
0.0
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Bill the Squirrel 25,487 8
06/27/2009 03:59 PM
I'm sorry Brogel, what Whistler meant to say was:
Funny stuff, you had me at Gay! I'm linking your stupid ass to the homepage.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Brogel 76 6
06/27/2009 09:23 PM
I guess many people were had by gays. I should ask Whistler, he seems to know more.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Mr Crabs 276 3
06/30/2009 08:42 PM
I found the article lighthearted and joyous.
Brogel! Brogel! Brogel! Brogel!
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