*I call T-Mobile and go through several menus until I reach someone in Customer Service*
Phil: It's a wonderful day at T-Mobile. Thank you for calling, this is Phil, how may I be of assistance?
Me: Hi, yes. I had called T-Mobile a few days ago about my cell phone records being sold.
Phil: Being sold?
Me: Are you aware that cell phone companies can now legally sell their customer's phone records to people?
Phil: Give me just a moment to pull up your account. I am unaware of this Mr. Rabbani.
Me: Well, it's a serious issue. I want to be reassured that I won't be screwed over.
Phil: Would you like to speak to a supervisor? If you give me just a moment, I can have one on the phone with you to discuss this issue further.
Me: No Phil, that is quite alright. Your voice is pleasant and soothes my insides. Lemme ask you something, and be honest with me. Do you know Janet?
Phil: Janet?
Me: Yes. Do you know her?
Phil: No, I'm sorry I do not.
Me: Well Janet is who I spoke to last time. I can say that my experience was not all that satisfactory.
Phil: Oh well Mr. Rabbani, I do apologize for that. I'm certain we can keep you happy as a T-Mobile customer.
Me: You married Phil?
Phil: What?
Me: Nothing.
*silence*
Me: Phil, I need to be completely honest with you. I care about you, and it just doesn't sit right with me or me to lie to you.
Phil: Ok...
Me: I think my cousin might be gay.
Phil: Mr. Rabbani, I don't see how that is relevant.
Me: Oh, it's relevant. Trust me.
Phil: Ok...
Me: You're not Dr. Phil, are you?
Phil: No.
Me: Ok, I believe you. Stop distracting me. Back to the issue at hand. I'm worried or my security, I need your help. The future is yours!
Phil: Mr. Rabbani, you let me know exactly what I can do for you, and I will do my very best to oblige. If I cannot assist you to your satisfaction, I will find someone who can.
Me: You're a good man Phil. I don't care what they say about you. You're a good man.
Phil: Thank you. So you are worried for your account's security?
Me: Security? No, why would you suggest that?
Phil: You just mentioned that you are under the impression that cell phone records can be made public.
Me: So you admit it!
*silence*
Phil: Admit what?
Me: That it's possible.
Phil: No Mr. Rabbani, my point is that it isn't possible and it won't happen.
Me: Everyone has their price.
Phil: I assure you, that that is not how we operate at T-Mobile. Now, I
can't speak for other companies, but again, I am confident that your records are secure.
Me: Confident?
Phil: Yes Mr. Rabbani, I am certain that your account is secure. We have several security measures in set in place when you call that *interrupted*
Me: And what if someone knows the answers to my questions?
Phil: Well, if someone knows your social security number, has your cell phone, and can answer your security questions -- You have bigger issues than your cell phone records.
Me: Like what issues?
Phil: Well that is identity theft, and your bank accounts could potentially be hacked. Is there a specific issue I can help you with though?
Me: Yes, yes there is. Ask nicely.
Phil: Um...
Me: C'mon big boy.
Phil: Excuse me?
Me: What?
Phil: What did you call me?
Me: Oh Shakespeare, I gotta go, my dog is on fire.
Phil: What?
*click*
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