Sure, you could open the lines of communication with the offender and have an open airing of your grievances in a tension-clearing and appropriate manner. But that wouldn't be funny. And unless prime-time television is steering me wrong, miscommunication and overreaction are the keys to the kingdom of hijinks.

First, you need to find out who did it. This will involve bringing in a second round of fried chicken in the same sort of tupperware as the initial serving. This time, the skin on one side will have dabs of the hottest sauce you can find. It will also have a half-teaspoonful of powdered alum, introduced under the skin through a small slit. All that's left to do is wait until after lunch to see who is walking around with their lips tightly puckered and sweating profusely. Some people can, through sheer force of will, damp down their initial reaction to it. In this case, wait a little while and you will be able to identify the perpetrator by the pathetic yelping and whining coming from the restroom.

Just walk in to your work wearing Sponge Bob PJ's and a hot pink bowler hat while wielding a large kitchen knife and start yelling -

WHO ATE MY Frost-ing CHICKEN.


You'll never have to worry about people stealing your food again.

I'm sure you'll find something devilishly satisfying in this thread.

Autra,

Take a pee in an apple juice bottle. The food thief will quickly cease and desist after drinking human urine.

Make sure you're not on the red, though, honey, or it will Frost everything up.

Love,
Lobsta


Oh, wait, you're a dude.... ZING!

Put a sign on the fridge reading:

WHOEVER ATE THE SKIN OFF MY CHICKEN: I HAVE SEVERE HERPES SORES, AND I LICKED THE CHICKEN BEFOREHAND. ENJOY YOUR LESIONS.

Thanks Pants! I was thinking of that article.

Damn, I'm waaaay rusty at this whole 'funny' thing.

Meh.

Upon further inspection I noticed that someone had eaten the golden brown, crispy breaded skin off of all 3 pieced of my fried chicken.

Dude, that's seriously Frosted up!

Maybe your thief is vegan?

Or Buffalo Bill.

Dang it, you beat me to the Buffalo Bill joke.

Put a picture of him on the fridge with the question: So did you eat the chicken skin or do you plan to sew it into a skin dress? Guess which one I think is more depraved.

I too have experienced such a horrible act of deceit and disregard.

Not even a month ago I treated myself to a double meat double cheese foot long Spicy Italian sub with lettuce, lots of tomato, pickles, banana peppers, pepperjack cheese, and topped with mayo, honey mustard, salt, pepper, oregano, and parmesan... This was no five dollar foot long.

It was the best sandwich I had ever had (experienced sandwich artist at the helm) and being as fully loaded as it was I could only tackle half of it in one sitting.

When I put the rest in my work fridge (with my name written on it) I assumed all would be just fine. I would come back later, collect the other half of my sandwich and enjoy it for dinner.

The reality could not be further from that assumption.

Instead some Emerson decided to take my obviously half eaten sandwich, and left the full foot long I had purchased for my wife precisely where I left it, beside my scrumptious nightmeal.

Apparently they decided that since half of the sandwich had been eaten it was willingly given up as a casualty of accessibility but the sandwich that had not been tainted by the bites of a fellow human was off limits. This type of behavior is generally reserved for creatures such as catfish and vultures, but sometimes college educated business executives stoop to the depths of bottom feeding scavengers too.

To this day no one has admitted to touching my sandwich and I doubt anyone ever will, but until I find out who the culprit is I've been helping myself to anything I might find in the communal refrigerator regardless of who's pissed a circle around it by writing their name on it. Until the thief is brought to justice I've joined his ranks; and the eatin's been good.

I treated myself to a double meat double cheese foot long Spicy Italian sub with lettuce, lots of tomato, pickles, banana peppers

Hah, whoa, um, wow, uh, you and Spicey, huh?


*sucks in air* wow.