During a barium enema.

During the iron cross routine at an Olympic gymnastics event.

While accepting the title of Miss America.

While being introduced to Queen Elizabeth.

During this gymnastics move

While performing a sermon at a funeral.

While laying in your casket at your funeral would be better.

At the beginning of a 4 hour car ride.

While telling your sandwich maker what kind of cheese you want at subway.

While in the trunk of a car.

This one really happened a few years back:

Farting really loudly, for an extended period, during an exam in which several hundred people are participating.

While teaching a class that is being recorded for a webcast. Nutrition 101

On the altar, during a quiet moment in your own wedding ceremony.
(Courtesy of my wife, E.J.)

Farthing...isn't that British money?
Oh, FarTing...
...At your desk in your office, just before the boss walks in (short meeting)...

...While giving rather intense 69 cunnalingus (she farted). Gives new meaning to the term "Fartface"


i;t us

What was she doing on the altar exactly? Or did you guys just opt for the traditional satanic wedding ceremony?

Whilst telling someone you love them for the first time. Farting just destroys any chance of credibility.

When the doctor says, "Turn your head and cough." You never want to offend someone who has you by the balls.

In the awkward seriousness of an intervention.

Never, ever, not even a little one, after three or four days of cheap grain liquor, Waffle House, and Pancho's.

While hiding in a locked stall and standing on the toilet in a bathroom of the opposite sex.

While being introduced to Queen Elizabeth.

While someone is slipping some singles into your g-string.

At a social event, right after you've tapped your glass with your knife and the crowd has gone silent so they could listen to you.

When your psychotherapy client is just about to reveal his deepest childhood pain.

In the jacuzzi, about 1 minute after the timer turns the bubbles off.

"Do you wholey and without reservation swear to uphold the constituion of the United States against all enemies, both foreign and domestic?"


**cameras whirr and click almost continuously**

***rrrrriiiiiiip**** Yeah, sure.

During a physical where you are instructed to "bend over and spread them."

During a Brazilian wax.

At the beginning of a 2-hour sensory-deprivation-tank session.

At that exact moment after a car hits a dog... after the tires screech, the car smacks into the dog, some lady screams, and then it's deadly silent as everyone stares at the dog to see if it moves.

During a lap dance.

During a CAT scan

During a Scientology birth.

While bumping a thread.

When the food arrives

Right after the interviewer asks, "So, what makes you the top candidate for this job?"

hiii