Your Zombie Preparations
A comedy conversation
by Phuc 237,453 20 07/02/2009 02:57 PM 158 views
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If NPR says it, it's true. I'd bet my macrame hemp hoodie on it.
So NPR says that zombies are everywhere. At least I think they're saying that. I don't like to read that liberal claptrap. Too many big words.
So it's finally happened. How are you preparing for the impending zombie march on your neighborhood?
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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KChikita Banana Box 124,281 89
07/02/2009 03:41 PM
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
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0 votes
0.0
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Dr. Manhole 20,243 26
07/02/2009 06:39 PM
We're Frosted.
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0 votes
0.0
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Reverendhongry - Omniscrotent 303 5
07/02/2009 11:12 PM
*disclaimer* The only funny part about this is that my friends and I have actually put this much thought into this. We justify it by saying the same tactics can technically be adapted to suit any sort of people killing each other in large groups situation.
1) A gun store a few blocks up the road has (hesitantly) volunteered to outfit us with guns and ammo in the event of a zombie invasion. We already have plenty of guns ourselves (Texas) but more can't hurt. They don't think it's gonna happen (suckers).
2) Everybody hauls ass in (stolen, borrowed, whatever) vehicles to a local farm supply store at which a couple of my friends work.
3) We fortify several vehicles with cattle fencing and chain link and make our way to my current place of work.
4) We fortify the 2nd to 6th floors of the building as best as we can and collect any food/supplies available, as well as fill every clean container available with potable water.
5) We get communications equipment operational. There are for sure several satellite transceivers and CB equipment, as well as servers and etc. that can be used to rebuild a (local) internet and other communications.
6) Hole up on the 6th floor and watch idiots with no plan run around like zombies are after them while devising a more long term plan.
As for the long term plan, we don't have one. That depends on how fast the infection spreads and how the general populous reacts. It could go a lot of different ways.
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali_Legend 840 7
07/03/2009 04:45 AM
Meet Will Smith, convinve him to suicide with a grenade, while you hide. Wait a bit, drive to the mountains where ''it's too cold for the infection'' which won't work because I've played Pandemic II and all you need to do is upgrade the cold resistance.
Both the film and online-game are 100% accurate and the best available source for zombie-advice. This is in no way questionable.
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0 votes
0.0
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Jeff Haynes 631 4
07/03/2009 07:08 AM
I grab up every chocolate bar in sight. Then I recruit a loud, annoying pitchman -- Billy Mays -- to sell the zombies on the idea that chocolate tastes better than brains.
What's that? Really?
Crap.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Randall Cleveland 49,000 13
07/03/2009 04:50 PM
As for the long term plan, we don't have one.
That renders all that first bit kind of moot, doesn't it?
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0 votes
0.0
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Shelly Swelly Belly 76,640 24
07/03/2009 05:25 PM
Then I recruit a loud, annoying pitchman -- Billy Mays -- to sell the zombies on the idea that chocolate tastes better than brains
Yes, but who will convince Billy Mays of that?
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0 votes
0.0
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UnderWhere? 99,723 76
07/03/2009 07:49 PM
Well, when I had my where the raptors ate Spicey and Frat, I hid in the attic and was perfectly safe. I guess I could do that, but I need someone to go up there ahead of time to kill all the spiders.
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0 votes
0.0
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UnderWhere? 99,723 76
07/03/2009 07:50 PM
DREAM. It was a DREAM where the raptors used Spicey's cell phone to call their friends to come over and eat my family and Fratberry. GAH.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.6
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Analog 9,387 18
07/03/2009 09:33 PM
Weapons just attract them, the are too noisy - As zombies want to eat our brains, I'm blanketing my in a thick layer of THC so they won't be able to smell it.
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0 votes
0.0
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A Marinating Sash 1,353 7
07/03/2009 10:47 PM
Hey, you guys know what's hilarious? Jokes about zombies. And ninjas. And pirates.
Just freaking hilarious.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Cinderblock 27,522 24
07/04/2009 01:16 AM
I've been preparing by avoiding GAB for the past few months. GAB turns your brainmeats into a delicious mushy pudding for zombies.
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0 votes
0.0
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Reverendhongry - Omniscrotent 303 5
07/06/2009 04:18 PM
As for the long term plan, we don't have one.
That renders all that first bit kind of moot, doesn't it?
If Hollywood has taught us anything it's that the apocalypse, zombie uprising, etc is only going to be survived by a few people. So you're basically starting with the assumption that Bruce Campbell, Will Smith, and these guys will all be at your house that day you've won the zombie lottery and aren't one of the first billion or so infected. Making a plan of this nature in the first place is an exercise in futility, I thought it was understood to be moot from square 1.
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0 votes
0.0
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Pram 78,171 40
07/06/2009 07:30 PM
DAAAMN, he ate the Who's On Zug menu thinking it was brains!
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Dr. Manhole 20,243 26
07/06/2009 07:35 PM
No he didn't. You just Frosted up again.
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0 votes
0.0
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Reverendhongry - Omniscrotent 303 5
07/06/2009 07:36 PM
Zombie pirates only exist in Disney movies.
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0 votes
0.0
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Dr. Manhole 20,243 26
07/06/2009 07:54 PM
Nothing a little FDisk couldn't clear up.
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