UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/10/2009 07:24 PM

This is the first day that these have appeared - I'm assuming it's going to get worse.

Any tips on how to survive? Strangely, the red gooey rash isn't itching much. Yet.

KChikita Banana Box 50,342 11
07/10/2009 07:26 PM

I love garden porn! Even dirty pustule garden porn!

Straw Trekkin Across the Universe 59,473 11
07/10/2009 07:29 PM

and breasts.

(Not pictured because I'm a hideously deformed freak.)

Hello dear, are you new?

UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/10/2009 07:30 PM

I love you, my dear Straw.

Artie Choke 76 1
07/10/2009 08:41 PM

Oh, hey, my sympathies.

The area around my house is pure botanical Darwinism. The fittest weeds kill out all the lesser weeds as they duke it out for dominance of this ecological niche. I'm half afraid some new species will develop and be declared endangered.

As it turns out on the North side of my perpetually shaded lot the poison ivy has been muscling its way to the top. Yesterday we took a spray bottle of weedkiller and tried to tip the balance in the favor of non-rash producing breeds. Just after we had carefully sprayed the plants down we wanted dead with weedkiller my three year old bolts out of nowhere and runs through the weeds while wearing a pair of shorts.

Maruti Driver 347 6
07/10/2009 08:46 PM

My garden, on the other hand, is just a dog Shakespeare wasteland. German shepards sure can poop like a damn poo factory.

If dog crap could be sold I'd be richer than Trump.

Ok, maybe he ain't that rich, because he doesn't seem like he can afford a decent wig... err toupe? (don't know the english word)

MungChamp 22,439 16
07/10/2009 08:53 PM

Embrace the transformation.



Soon you will look like this.

I guess the reason you didn't mention the vajayjay itch is because that is nothing new?

Alarm Clock the Patient Robot 5,975 4
07/10/2009 08:58 PM

I've always been immune to poison ivy and been called over to friends' houses to pick and remove it. I'd like to offer my services to help you. I could come over and hold my hands over your boobs to protect them next time you garden.

Straw Trekkin Across the Universe 59,473 11
07/10/2009 09:44 PM

Ok, maybe he ain't that rich, because he doesn't seem like he can afford a decent wig... err toupe? (don't know the english word)


The correct english translation would be "eviscerated badger."

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 10,995 10
07/10/2009 11:54 PM

Whoops! Ouch! Do you have calamine lotion?

Whatever you do, Undies, don't burn poison ivy. My grandfather accidentally burned some with yard debris and he and my younger brother both had poison ivy all over their bodies.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
07/11/2009 01:26 AM

Jewelweed is widely thought to help the rash. Mash the weed and apply to the rash.
Spray with a deodorant containing aluminum, which most have. A prescription is the fastest to get rid of it.

UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/11/2009 08:00 AM

Well, it didn't start to itch until around 10:00 tonight, which happens to be the exact time that both Walgreens and Rite-Aid close. I ended up going to Walmart, and they had 2 remedies for sale - the regular ol' Calamine lotion, and a Band-Aid brand spray. I bought the spray, and hey, it shoots calmine lotion. So I now have pink spots all over my body.

What is interesting to me, is that people on the internet describe poison ivy itch as the worst thing EVAR!!!11! and most of what I have feels like a really annoying mosquito bite.

Except for the spot on my hand (pictured above). It never bothered me at all until tonight, at which point it started BURNING with a passion of a thousand suns. I seriously wanted to dig the Froster out with the edge of my debit card, which was the only object I happened to have on me at the time.

Now that I'm feeling better, I'm thinking about spraying the Calamine lotion all over me to see if I can make myself look like the pink ranger.

Major Inconvenience 77 5
07/11/2009 09:20 AM

your knee looks suspiciously like a boob (breast for all you fussies)

Whistler P. McManus 141,160 23
07/11/2009 09:30 AM

Hello, dear, are you new?

Your What?! Hurts? 2,671 5
07/11/2009 03:56 PM

Yo Undies! I've got a long & ugly history with the 3-leaved devil, and after a recent altercation, I searched for poison ivy on target's website, (they're the closest store & I was headed out of town).

I forget how to do the linky thing, so when you search, you'll find some Cortaid product, "Poison Ivy Treatment Kit" or something like that. This stuff works like nobodies business. Within a day of putting it on, all those lovely, oily postules had dried up & were on their way to going away.

A Marinating Sash 1,336 5
07/11/2009 06:38 PM

On a completely unrelated note, could you not trim any of the bushes by your windows? And if you come up with a penis-safe remedy for poison ivy fill me in asap.

UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/13/2009 10:49 PM

If you want, Chance can remove your penis and keep it in a jar.

Lobsta (feat. will.i.am & Fergie) 9,793 9
07/13/2009 11:49 PM

HA! That made me think of this.


NSFW

UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/14/2009 02:57 AM

Ha! We actually have a clone-a-willy kit. I won it last year - it was in among the basket of vibrators that John sent. We haven't used it though.

Honest.

The ARRH! in Diarrhea 979 4
07/14/2009 03:19 AM

Whatever you do, Undies, don't burn poison ivy. My grandfather accidentally burned some with yard debris and he and my younger brother both had poison ivy all over their bodies

Even worse is breathing it in. People die from that Shakespeare. Seriously, can you imagine having the rash inside you lungs?!?

BTW, bonfire at Bayan's tonight.

Maruti Driver 347 6
07/14/2009 03:22 AM

But who knows, it may get you high.

I'm not testing it though.

Pubah 47,449 11
07/14/2009 05:25 AM

Good thing you didn't "tend" your other "garden" with ivy infected fingers...


"Ya gonna need an ocean
of calamine lotion...

...scratchin like a hound
any time you start Frostin round..."

Undie's Ooozing Breasts

P*H*L*A 102,926 12
07/14/2009 06:20 AM

I think you have to get a jellyfish to pee on you or something.
Seriously, I saw it on Martha Stewart.

John Hargrave 116,568 19
07/14/2009 02:02 PM

Funny article.

I think you should call this guy.

Together, the two of you could make a porno.

A really inflamed, itchy porno.

UnderWhere? 72,790 16
07/15/2009 11:01 PM

A couple days ago, I looked like a pink dalmatian. Er, a crusty, dried-out dalmatian.



Now here is my knee, 10 days post contact:



What doesn't show up too well are the 3 spots where the white oozing pus-filled bubbles are. Trust me, they're there, centered mostly in the dark pink area.

Aren't I sexy?



(That's my left leg.) And here's my arm.



I'd apologize for the blurriness of these pictures, only I'm not really sorry. I Frost-ing have poison ivy and I'm not real concerned about photo quality at the moment. Plus, it's hard to keep your hands steady while crying.

Thud 53,060 10
07/16/2009 02:11 AM

Plus, it's hard to keep your hands steady while crying.

Bad masturbation jokes on the horizon!

xentar 428 5
07/16/2009 07:44 AM

"(Not pictured because I'm a hideously deformed freak.)"

If so, isn't this:



a breast?

Alarm Clock the Patient Robot 5,975 4
07/16/2009 08:02 AM

Dirty knees.



Look at these!

Shell Belle 31,250 9
07/16/2009 06:07 PM

Growing up, I would get a nasty case of poison ivy at least once a summer. You'd think that would have inspired my mom to clean up our weedy Shakespearehole of a yard, but I think she secretly enjoyed my suffering. The absolute worst is when you get it between your toes or fingers.

Anyway, my mom would soak a cotton ball in vinegar and dab the rash with that. It burned like fire for a minute, (she did like to see me suffer!) but it always made it completely dry up and go away.