"Joe" the cat.
A comedy article
by Anna Garcia  85  4
07/11/2009 07:29 AM 389 views
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I had done my random act of kindness and adopted a cat from a shelter. My daughter had wanted a pet so I decieded that I should atleast get an animal from the local rescue. One day we set off to go get a cat. My daughter searched and searched and finally found her "perfect" cat. He was a little kitten so perfect, round and furry. She quickly named him "Joe", he was grey with black coal eyes. The next couple of months Joe got into all kinds of things. Let me just say, personally I am a dog lover and not really into the whole cat thing, litter box, scratching, hair and so forth. Anyhow, I accepted "Joe" and bought him cute toys and scratching posts and showed him as much love as I possibly could. As Joe started to grow, I noticed he was more and more agressive. I would walk by my bed in the morning to get ready and all of a sudden it was like something out of the movie Pet Cemetary, a paw would swoop out from underneath the bed and then pull your heal and proceed to bite down hard. As many times as this happend I would put bandaids on and still go on with my day, sometimes limping in pain. But Joe was my four year old daughters cat who could do no wrong in her eyes. Even though I started to put more and more bandaids on my daughter because the cat I guess thought she was his personal chewing toy. As many bites, cuts, maulings my daughter endured she still loved that damn cat. She didn't care if I had to cover her with so many bandaids that she looked like a little midget mummy. She loved Joe! Joe only continued to become more wild, he was like a vampire stalking it's pray at night. This didn't matter to my daughter this demon cat was a saint in her eyes.
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Like This? Rate It!
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0 votes
0.0
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,594  32
07/11/2009 06:22 PM
this demon cat was
So, you ran the lawnmower over it, eh?
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Ali_Legend 844 7
07/11/2009 06:27 PM
Where's the leaked video on the internet of you killing this cat?
BTW are you Russian? And have you killed and recorded 21 people? It would explain a lot..
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/12/2009 03:37 AM
I like the Paul Harvey story: This guy finds a kitten in an alley and adopts it. As the kitty grows it eats more and more food to the point the guy really can't afford it anymore. Also the kitty starts chewing up all the furniture. Like his whole couch. He reluctantly takes it to the Humane society; and finds out the kitty is acctually a bobcat.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.5
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/12/2009 03:38 AM
P.S. It helps if your story has a point and or ending. It makes it so much nicer for the reader.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/12/2009 05:34 AM
It helps if your story has a point
Oh, the sweet, delicious irony of Grace making this statement!
Hi Grace! Love you!
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0 votes
0.0
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Millie 116,988 28
07/12/2009 05:28 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm always on the animal's side in these cases.
I would also argue that a cat or kitten is not an appropriate pet for such a young child. Young children are too rough with cats (not on purpose, but they are) and the only way a cat can protect itself is to bite and scratch and hope the kid gets the hint.
Also, kittens always attack everything, especially ankles. DUH.
You should have gotten an old, patient dog who would allow the child to torture him. Cats don't put up with that kind of Shakespeare. They have some self-esteem.
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/12/2009 06:06 PM
Oh, the sweet, delicious irony of Grace making this statement!
Hey, I always have a point or ending. One or the other, not both of course. Geez wha daya want coherent ramblings?!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Anna Garcia 85 4
07/14/2009 06:56 AM
Point,,, hmm ok I guess my point was cats SUX, they should be extinct. Well except maybe the cute ones. Yes there are SOME cute ones. Eventually Joe was so bad that I had him stuffed and now he sits on my daughters book shelf. :)
Thank you and have a nice day.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Hairy Nipples 2,207 7
07/14/2009 11:38 AM
Yeah I hate cats. They're so independent and don't smell like Shakespeare.
I prefer an animal that will dig in the garbage and eat your food when you're not looking. Not to mention the horrible breath and having to scoop poop out of the yard.
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0 votes
0.0
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Anna Garcia 85 4
07/14/2009 02:32 PM
Oh hairy nipples.. you must own 3 cats a black and white, an orange and one of thoes gray cats with the funny eyes.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Alarm Clock the Patient Robot 6,348 4
07/14/2009 02:55 PM
Eventually Joe was so bad that I had him stuffed and now he sits on my daughters book shelf.
Does this also serve to remind your daughter of what happens to family members who are "bad."
"What a life-like statue of Daddy and Gramma to remember them by!"
You could have just got some lab mice so all three of you could have bonded by learning how to crush small life forms beneath you and your completely normal, decent sense of morals.
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0 votes
0.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/14/2009 03:02 PM
Eventually Joe was so bad that I had him stuffed and now he sits on my daughters book shelf. :)
See, Anna, this is good. This is the kind of ending your story needed (minus the emoticon). You could have had a middle part where you decided to do the cat in, the a description of how you did it, and finally this punch line. That would have made a complete story. Add a few pictures and you might even get featured on the ZuG home page!
Great first effort! Keep on submitting!
/Jeff
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/14/2009 07:04 PM
Oh sure Whistler,;(colon or semi) you suck up. You owe me some... friendly encouragement.
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0 votes
0.0
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Anna Garcia 85 4
07/15/2009 02:32 PM
Pish posh! Oh periodgrace don't be such a hater.. let whistler write his opinions when it is commenting my work. Tootles my dear.
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/15/2009 02:38 PM
Grace, I think Anna has potential. You, on the other hand, are probably beyond help. I only encourage you to stick around because of my Pocahontas fantasy.
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0 votes
0.0
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Anna Garcia 85 4
07/15/2009 02:44 PM
Pocahontas? Please do tell kind sir, how does periodgrace tie into your poca fantasy? Did I ever tell you that I can make a mean cornucopia.
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0 votes
0.0
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Unknown Duck 530 6
07/16/2009 07:58 PM
Cats, dog's, who cares...show us your real Poe already Anna
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0 votes
0.0
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Thud 68,506 19
07/16/2009 08:27 PM
Cats, dog's, who cares...show us your real Poe already Anna
Yeah, that's going to work real well.
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0 votes
0.0
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Anna Garcia 85 4
07/16/2009 09:03 PM
what a way with words, you proably wiShakespeare were only that easy
Unknown duck, stay that way.
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/23/2009 12:41 AM
Thanks Whistler that's all I needed.
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