Public Flashing : The Barbeque Mooning
A comedy article
by Discombobulated  4,322  8
07/17/2009 11:52 AM 1205 views
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I have always been a sarcastic smart-ass, this is a story about why I'm not like that around my dad.
We were having a family barbeque and I was 11 years old. Dad is manning the grill mom is playing hostess and cousins, aunts and uncles are mingling, playing catch all the normal stuff. Well dad is about to start cutting the brisket and I make sure to get myself into the front of the line. My older brother immediately sees this and joins me in line.
mmmmm brisket
Dad: you want barbeque sauce on the meat or on the side?
Me: On the brisket please
As I turn around my brother grabs the plate and heads toward the table. I'm pissed but he's 5 years older and his current favorite game includes sitting on a mattress with me underneath and seeing what colors my face turns as I struggle for air. I decide to let the plate go and I turn back to my Dad for another helping.
Dad (without looking up): You want barbeque sauce on the meat or on the side?
Me: On the brisket.
My son of a bitch cousin saw my brother's plan and decided it was his turn to try. Again I'm left with little options he's much older than me and possibly missing a chromosome, as far as I kind tell it's the one that promotes decency. He's one of those guys that is apparently brilliant (according to his folks) but he's got 108 tattoos and chain connecting his nose to his eyebrow to his nipple, I don't know why he can't get a job. So, back to dear old dad at the grill.
Dad : You want barbeque sauce on the meat or on the side?
Me: (grumbling) On the brisket
At this point in time I'm expecting an attack so I hold the plat low and slowly turn my head to check. I hear a giggle, I see my little sister running off with my plate. Her I can take, I start to go after her and see she's already hiding behind mom.
Me: Sarah's a little bitch!
Dad: WHAT did you just say?
Me: Uh, I said Sarah Elizabeth... She just stole my plate.
Dad: Uh huh, you want barbeque sauce on the meat or on the side?
Me: Where the hell do you think I want it? I want it on my ass!
This was a mistake, I had just lost three plates of food and I was in a bad mood. Dad seemed to be a little upset at my response. In one motion he had me over his knee with my pants around my ankles. I'm completely stunned I haven't been spanked in years, then I realize what's happening he's pouring barbeque sauce right were I asked for it.
Note: not to be taken anally
There is silence in the yard, I've got my preteen ass out and covered in barbeque sauce horrified doesn't even begin to explain how I feel. My uncles are giving each other uncomfortable looks, is this some form of abuse? Should we do something? What the Frost is going on here.
Have you ever tried to sprint with barbeque sauce between your ass cheeks? It's not pleasant and you don't move as fast as you would like. By the time I make it to the door my sister has realized the hilarity and is squealing with glee. I see my mom she is an unnatural shade of red. We did not have anymore family barbeques at our house.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
13 votes
3.8
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Chix is in da house 286,617  61
07/17/2009 01:23 PM
Have you ever tried to sprint with barbeque sauce between your ass cheeks?
Who hasn't?
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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John Hargrave 128,751 73
07/19/2009 05:06 AM
Funny story.
That'll teach you to get saucy with your parents.
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