The Tripper Story
A comedy article
by J. Bradford  207  3
07/17/2009 03:55 PM 275 views
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Tripper was a Vietnam vet or so he had said countless times and had also shown his proficiency with an M-16. He had this .22 mock up of one. His M-16 was automatic, or is it semi-automatic? Don't know - not important - what is important is that Tripper was a liar. Tripper was 16 in 1975 when the last helicopter left Saigon.
"Guess he was with that special adolescent tunnel rat squad operating out of Phucket."
Tripper had two daughters he was living with in the one room no bathroom trailer on Fred's land out in Stafford. They must have been between 6 and 9 during the time they lived there. I can't remember their names if ever I knew them at all. Tripper also lived with a woman the daughters called "Mommy" at the request of Tripper. She was a ghost.
Background is so boring isn't it........oh yeah and Tripper did coke. Lots of coke. He wasn't the kind of coke user that has a nice ride and a cell phone and stripper friends that like to party he was the kind of coke user that NEEDED coke sweaty living in a shack with a gun looking out the window for the cops.
Cocaine is powerful drug. - Rick James
Children let me tell you the story of the day I moved Tripper's coke mirror......................
It was a simple design, Eddie with puppet strings coming out of his fingers controlling Satan himself as the world burns(the Number of the Beast cover those in the know, man). Cool. It was painted on the mirror like the kind that you might get if say you knocked all the milk bottles down or won the horse race where you shoot a water pistol into a hole as the guy with the small hands shouts at the midway millers of time. This was the mirror where Tripper moved his coke around, where he piled it up to marvel at how much there was or how little there had become. A glass to reflect how many hours he would be God-like and to reflect how many hours it would be until he needed to see Rico again and whether that would be at 3 am Tuesday morning or 6 pm Tuesday evening he would always be on his way because coke was his blood, body and mind. It's blue sparks of electricity made him alive - not feel alive but made him live. Addiction.
Fred's house was horseshoe shaped. Maybe it's still out there in Stafford near the HCC campus I don't know I have not been back to Stafford in god knows how long. The living room was the largest room and held a large screen television where Fred would hold court while he watched porn - Canadian porn "US porn on the satellite don't have the money shot...now Canadian porn heh heh - they got the money shot" - in the screen in screen feature. Watching Tom Brokaw doing the nightly news on the main screen with Ass Pounders #4 going on in the picture in picture was a little off putting at first but you get used to it if you stay drunk enough. My favorite was the football with porn combination - but I digress.
ALL THAT TO LEAD UP TO THIS....GODDAMN THIS BETTER BE GOOD
When I came to Fred's that day just like any other day I parked in the back and came in through the door by the kitchen, stopped by the fridge got a Bud and went further into the house. Around the curved marble pathway and then into the living room. There was no one around. The TV was on because I could hear moaning.
The mirror was on the chair near the TV with the remote. It was empty. Only Eddie, Satan and the world on fire. I put the mirror on the bar top that was next to the chair. Porn and the History Channel.
I heard the door open in the kitchen and then close. There was no conversation, only the step, step, step that through the benefit of light eventually turned into Tripper. He was shining. Aglow in the wash of sweat the body used to try to compensate for the urgency it felt because the heart told it there was trouble but the mind was saying differently. And then who was there to believe? The spleen? He's always been a liar - a big fat Frost-ing liar....I hate the spleen. But, uh, uh....Tripper walked into the room scattered.
"You move my mirror?"
"Yeah it's up there man".....Walking on springs he made over to the bar.
"Where's my coke man?"
"What?"
"What the Frost...Jon I thought you were cool...where the Frost is my coke mother-Froster? Ican'tbelievethisShakespeareareyouFrost-ingkiddingmeIFrost...........(expulsion of air).......gimme the money for it and I'll get us some more."
"You're Frost-ing crazy Tripper, I didn't take any of your..... "
"WhattheFrostyouyouYour'resofuxinghighnowyouliaAR! LIAR!"
"Whoa calm down dude - what the Frost! I can't even understand you."
"StealfromemotheIbitchki. mother-Frost!" he scattered from the room bouncing off the walls as he took the rolling bend of the hallway careening until distant he was rendered only sound.
Something in me felt strange. My heart beat faster because my brain had told it that something was wrong and I began to sweat which is what the body does when the fight or flight response has been activated - the pupils dilate, breath quickens to usher in the rush of adrenaline which begets adrenachrome during oxidation and the giving nervous energy and rise to a state of ALERT so as to have heard when the kitchen door reopened and didn't close again. Step step step.....Tripper.
"Iablsolutlyknowmycokegimmemycokemother-Froster"
The metal of the M-16 gleamed because that's what black metal does. There is no shine - it's a dull matte. The darkest part of the whole gun was the hole through which my life now depended in connection with the finger that bent to the will of the brain that believed the spleen and lived in the head that Tripper built.
"GimmemyShakespeare!IswearJonI'llmother-Froster!"
He pushed the gun forward once like you do when playing war on the street where you live in Oklahoma when you hide in the construction sites pretending. Mike. Wes. Todd. Your father is whistling you home to dinner on Mawmaw's old wood table. "We've got to get him into an ice bath this fever is too high....". Oatmeal elementary mornings with orange juice souring the sweet milk. "We've got to move again, but this time it's really going to be exciting...". Destiny Davis is swapping gum with you before history class. "No one wants you anymore Jon...". Your sister has bloodied your nose because of your teasing after school. "You will never in your life make as much money as I do Jon....You are going to need help all your life....". You are chimney diving from Chad's house into the pool. "It's an MG - from 1980....". Ivy after school. Jesse's eyes 5 am August 26, 1989. "You're the one I love...". Warm brown Galveston Gulf. Undertow. Distance. Tumbling. "I am the defeater of Poseidon......"
I just stepped forward toward the gun. I just grabbed the barrel and pulled it down and away - the gun came off into man hand. I ran outside with the gun throathearted and in panichaste. I removed the clip and pulled back the lever behind the hand grip ejecting the round that had been in chamber. I kept the clip, threw the gun into the field, got into my car and drove to the railroad tracks (500 yards) before throwing up outside an opened drivers side door as cars honked and drove around.
Cocaine - that's one mother-Frostin' bitch there boy. - Mr. Elton Sebastian Moreaux (personal friend now deceased)
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Like This? Rate It!
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Chuckleworthy
6 votes
2.7
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali_Legend 844  7
07/17/2009 04:54 PM
If I thought this would be funny I'd have read it. I didn't.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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J. Bradford 207 3
07/17/2009 05:20 PM
So then by your own admission the above critique is based on nothing.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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A.C. the Patient Strawberry Robot 6,348 4
07/17/2009 05:41 PM
So you took his coke and his gun?
You clearly took his coke.
This just now happened, didn't it?
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/17/2009 10:05 PM
You people are philistines. I actually thought it was quite good.
So how much of the guy's blow did you do, Jon?
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0 votes
0.0
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J. Bradford 207 3
07/18/2009 07:18 AM
The mirror was on the chair near the TV with the remote. It was empty.
I did no blow. He had finished it off himself.
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0 votes
0.0
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John Hargrave 128,751 73
07/19/2009 05:03 AM
That's freaky and weird.
Thanks for submitting. I liked the writing.
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0 votes
0.0
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A.C. the Patient Strawberry Robot 6,348 4
07/19/2009 11:41 AM
I did no blow. He had finished it off himself.
He thought that it was yay-o,
but it was crystal Draino.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Nachos 57,521 23
07/19/2009 05:08 PM
As a comedy article it made me want to blow my brains out. As a piece of noir fiction it made me want to blow someone else's brains out to read another chapter.
Or at least blow someone else's brains out then read another chapter.
Kudos.
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0 votes
0.0
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Pubah 56,833 18
07/19/2009 05:30 PM
Come and knock on my door
M-16 waiting for you
Where the Coke is hers and hers and his
Trippers' Company too
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0 votes
0.0
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Pubah 56,833 18
07/19/2009 07:18 PM
His first name is Jack, and You're Don Knots...
...I get it now...Great Article
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