Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/22/2009 06:48 PM

(sigh) I guess it was funny to me when I get home.

Alarm Clock the fisher Robot 6,348 4
07/22/2009 06:53 PM

I thought it was cute. You used to ride the short bus, but now you drive it. You're really getting somewhere!

Bob Monkeypimp 460 0
07/22/2009 07:31 PM

I used to live on the 13th floor of a block of flats, now in the morning the lifts where very busy so I used to save my morning fart for said lift.. Little things, little minds.

There's only one Ditdah 123,110 14
07/22/2009 08:01 PM

I thought it was very well written, and had promise. I was let down though, to find out it was just a fart thing. Sorry, contrary to popular belief I AM a girl, and fart jokes/stories don't often interest me.

Don't give up though, Asshat. (That's got to be one of the oddest serious phrases I've ever said.) You've got great writing skills... you just need to find a subject with a broader appeal.

Like politics. No one EVER gets upset over that.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
07/22/2009 08:10 PM

Nice job Asshat!






What was your name again?

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/22/2009 08:48 PM

you just need to find a subject with a broader appeal.

So write about broads, GOT IT!

Dogs Akimbo 211,597 32
07/22/2009 09:55 PM

I gave it a four because it had a nice beat and you could dance to it.

A Marinating Sash 1,353 7
07/22/2009 10:13 PM

I farted once...

Thud 68,511 19
07/22/2009 10:19 PM

Only once? Uh, wow?

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/23/2009 02:16 AM

I thought it was funny and made me laugh. The deaf people's nose hairs, funny. Although I did take my pain meds, so everthing is much more funny. It's also getting harder to type.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/23/2009 04:13 AM

I gave it a four because it had a nice beat and you could dance to it.

It was more like tripping over Shakespeare to get out of there, but yeah I guess it LOOKED like dancing in a stange way.

ps: it did remind me of Lets Groove by Earth Wind & Fire, lots of brassy parts!

Make my Ravos grow! 63,472 21
07/23/2009 06:55 AM

I farted once...

And there were no survivors.

Pram 80,728 42
07/23/2009 07:07 AM

I went to a job interview last July and dressed the part, careful to be neat and clean, shaven, and...

It was the hottest day of the year- I worked on something, finished, and went home. When I changed out of my interview clothes, something reeked. It turned out that despite my detail-minded attempt to get everything perfect, clothes washed, pressed... I had put on dirty underwear.

I didn't get the job.

Phuc 237,919 21
07/23/2009 07:49 AM

I must disagree with my esteemed colleague Ms Ditdah. There is no broader appeal than bodily discharges; in the states, it's the colorectal varieties and for our more sophisticated European counterparts, it's urethral.

The addition of violence and of suffering brought to deaf seniors (double points!) just adds to the fun.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/23/2009 10:50 AM

Useless without Smell-O-Vision.

Jeeni: Currently granting wishes 47,804 51
07/23/2009 11:09 AM

Nice story. I liked that you can successfully push blame on others for your farts. Men certainly are better at fart stuff than women are.

My husband has been teaching me some secrets, though. At grocery stores when there are whiny, obnoxious children, he's tutored me on how to silently fart on these children and look directly at them afterward and smile.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/23/2009 01:00 PM

At grocery stores when there are whiny, obnoxious children, he's tutored me on how to silently fart on these children and look directly at them afterward and smile.

My grandfather LOVES to Shakespeare himself at the grocery store. Just not silently.

He'll walk down an empty aisle and play battle of the bands with the muzak. You can hear him 4 or 5 aisles over. I have heard yells of HOLY Shakespeare WHAT WAS THAT from across the store.

Autra - Generic Unfunny Live Member 10,560 11
07/23/2009 01:06 PM

My grandfather LOVES to Shakespeare himself at the grocery store. Just not silently.

So he drops a deuce while he walks, or he farts as he walks?

There's a difference, you know.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/23/2009 01:31 PM

My grandfather LOVES to Shakespeare himself at the grocery store. Just not silently.

So he drops a deuce while he walks, or he farts as he walks?

There's a difference, you know.

Haven't you ever heard a fart or smelled one and then someone said, ALRIGHT, WHO Shakespeare THEMSELVES?

Autra - Generic Unfunny Live Member 10,560 11
07/23/2009 01:35 PM

Haven't you ever heard a fart or smelled one and then someone said, ALRIGHT, WHO Shakespeare THEMSELVES?

Yeah, it's still called a fart though.

Genius.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/23/2009 01:35 PM

Haven't you ever thought you were going to fart, and after you were done said, "OH NO! I JUST Shakespeare MYSELF!"









No? Oh. Well neither have I.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/23/2009 01:44 PM

http://http://www.zug.com/live/78042/quotPartner-prankquot-Behind-the-Years.htmlMen certainly are better at fart stuff than women are. I don't believe that's true.

Pants 14,252 17
07/23/2009 01:58 PM

Men certainly are better at fart stuff than women are. I don't believe that's true.

And we are much better with teh technology.

Ditdah 123,110 14
07/23/2009 02:13 PM

I must disagree with my esteemed colleague Ms Ditdah. There is no broader appeal than bodily discharges;

Hey - I wasn't complaining... I liked it. I rated it 3, I think. Maybe 4. Hell - I was drunk, so who knows. It just wasn't quite the story I thought it could be. I'll admit that I have laughed at plenty of poop stories. Probably even some fart ones, too.

Maybe it was because it wasn't a surprise ending... guy needs to fart, tries to hide fart, farts anyway, people think it stinks. It got me all built up, but then left me hanging, so I was just trying to offer some constructive criticism.

In other words, poop on you, Phuc.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/23/2009 02:21 PM

It got me all built up, but then left me hanging, so I was just trying to offer some constructive criticism.

Just out of curiosity, that was 100% true, to have any other ending would have been fabricated. How could it have ended to your satisfaction, maybe like:

to my surprise, she jumped on me and Frosted my brains out?

She smiled at me and then let out a fart of her own?

But then I was really disgusted when she got down on her knees, turned me around, buried her face in my ass and took a deep breath?

She suggested we go wipe my ass together?

Just some thoughts.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/23/2009 02:25 PM

teh technology The tech of farting?!

Blackhole Bandit 1,684 14
07/23/2009 03:04 PM

It He got me all built up, but then left me hanging,

Thats why they invented lesbians honey.

Ditdah 123,110 14
07/23/2009 04:04 PM

Now see? That list you provided had me laughing loudly. I wasn't saying you weren't funny, I was just pointing out why I didn't give it 5.

And in any case, I really was trying to be helpful, not sound like a nagging critic.

Sheesh. You people are too touchy. And not the good kind of touchy.

Pants 14,252 17
07/23/2009 05:44 PM

teh technology The tech of farting?!

I was referring to your awe inspiring grasp of link creation.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/23/2009 06:03 PM

Now see? That list you provided had me laughing loudly. I wasn't saying you weren't funny, I was just pointing out why I didn't give it 5.

And in any case, I really was trying to be helpful, not sound like a nagging critic.

Sheesh. You people are too touchy. And not the good kind of touchy.

I was just curious if you wanted a real story with a ficticious ending or not, maybe YOU'RE the one who's being touchy.... wanna touch each other?

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/24/2009 01:44 AM

Aw crap I didn't check the link sorry. One of my children we're harping about food and water; so I had to pause to turn my music up.

Pram 80,728 42
07/24/2009 03:01 AM

One star? One star. Frost my unemployment history.

Make my Ravos grow! 63,472 21
07/24/2009 07:23 AM

I was just curious if you wanted a real story with a ficticious ending or not

Overlord Hargrave insists on real-life comedy. He will not allow Zug Live to become Zug Lies.

Pram 80,728 42
07/24/2009 09:31 PM

I dunno about YOOOO, but my stories came from true life events; you can tell because everything that happens to me sucks, for real!

peoriagrace 6,166 11
08/02/2009 03:51 AM

Men certainly are better at fart stuff than women are. I don't believe that's true. http://www.zug.com/live/74465/Played-any-pranks.html#1669004

peoriagrace 6,166 11
08/03/2009 02:08 AM

What no one read my link after I went and fixed it by using firefox instead of IE?!










Please, please look at my link. Please with sugar on top.

A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/03/2009 04:20 AM

peoria, I read your link, i'm disgusted as all hell that you would do such a thing! You're sick and twisted! WOmen don't do such things!






















Any chance you'll teach me the trick?

peoriagrace 6,166 11
08/03/2009 05:24 PM

Sorry sweaty, you're too young.