Jeff Haynes 631 4
07/23/2009 10:41 AM

Doghouse style: It's just you and the dog together in the doghouse -- after you suggest the chip clip idea to your wife.

Discombobulated 4,322 8
07/23/2009 01:15 PM

Disco Bob style: Me, the playboy channel, a bottle of vasoline and a box of kleenex.

Unknown Duck 530 6
07/24/2009 09:52 AM

"The Sleeper" - This is my preferred method. You sit on your hand for about 15 - 20 minutes, then you jerk yourself off. Since your hand is asleep, it feels like someone else is doing it.

Make my Ravos grow! 63,472 21
07/24/2009 10:21 AM

I thought that was the stranger.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
07/24/2009 10:26 AM

Uh.. Duck, that's called "The Stranger" and I think you're confusing sex with masturbation.

How 'bout this one.

The Rodeo: Start off doggie style, grab a handful of her hair and tell her that her sister likes it when you do that. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
07/24/2009 10:26 AM

Damn, sorry Ravos, you beat me to that one.

KChikita Banana Box 128,412 98
07/24/2009 10:33 AM

Disco Bob style: Me, the playboy channel, a bottle of vasoline and a box of kleenex.

Because those tears don't wipe themselves!

Macka 2.0 1,491 4
07/24/2009 10:39 AM

The Ray Bans: While getting head, you put your balls over the girls eyes.

Macka 2.0 1,491 4
07/24/2009 10:43 AM

The Magician (you need a friend for this one)

First, you have to be doing it doggy style and facing a window (the curtains and blinds should be open so that you can see outside.). Next, as you are going to town, you signal your buddy to come out of the closet. Now, you pretend that your junk "fell out" at this moment you get out of the way and your buddy takes over. You then quickly put some shorts on, go outside and then jump in front of the window and yell "TA DA".

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
07/24/2009 10:55 AM

The Bloomin' Onion:



Nevermind.

Blackhole Bandit 1,684 14
07/24/2009 11:56 AM

The missionary position:

You lie the female of your attraction down on the bed and get into that age old classic of a position. She may seem slightly disinterested but you are used to that by now. Half way through she almost bites your head off asking why the hell you don't do anything creative anymore. You leave and finish yourself in the shower.

The next day you buy a 500$ "love swing".





















..........You did want real stories..... didn't you?








..................... Frost

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/24/2009 02:47 PM

River madness; along the river trail find some nice big and flat rocks. Slid your shorts over and unzip his pants; finish quickly to avoid the stares.

Street car of desire; durring a long car ride while he's asleep stop at a restaurant. Lock the seatbelt with his hands trapped in his pantspockets. Do as you wish; then go have lunch. If you're feeling nice order him something to go.

Macka 2.0 1,491 4
07/24/2009 02:51 PM

River madness; along the river trail find some nice big and flat rocks. Slid your shorts over and unzip his pants; finish quickly to avoid the stares.

Street car of desire; durring a long car ride while he's asleep stop at a restaurant. Lock the seatbelt with his hands trapped in his pantspockets. Do as you wish; then go have lunch. If you're feeling nice order him something to go.


Am I the only one that got hard reading this?

steamy stool 235 4
07/24/2009 03:01 PM

The Pedophile: Hide in the bushes outside the window of an underage girls room (the younger the better) watch her undress while pleasuring yourself.

TrouserWeasel 22 3
07/24/2009 03:05 PM

Invented by that beloved comedian, Ron White.

The Sleeping Dog--

Get into doggystyle position and make the penetration. Simultaneously, both fall over (onto the same side, numbnuts). Relax, have fun, until she coughs or sneezes you out.

Bob Monkeypimp 460 0
07/24/2009 03:08 PM

Doggy style, the married variant;
He sits up & begs, she rolls over & plays dead...

Tank Top 0 3
07/24/2009 10:33 PM

Lovey Ducky.

Backwards? all right,
left, sitting, standing,
upside down, downside up,
backwards, forwards.

Late night pretzels.
Good all ways. Happy days.

The Duck (hm, it rhymes).

Something beside a pond,
late into the night.

After a while...
a large gathering of ducks
circle around, then begin
quacking in a loud chorus.

We laugh and carry on.

Pubah 56,833 18
07/24/2009 11:46 PM

The 77...she gets ate more than in a 69.

The Drunk Monkey Boner...gettn busy in the back seat of a muscle car during a Drunk Monkey Drive in marathon

Childs Play...Dirty Midnight sex in a playground (slide will be slippery come morning)

Closet Friend 7,665 11
07/25/2009 07:09 AM

Hunt 'n pecker --> While sitting in front of your computer...

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
07/25/2009 08:46 AM

The Moonwalker: Sex with an underage boy that costs $20 million.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
07/25/2009 09:47 AM

Holy Shakespeare, it's the sno-cone ninja.

Wait, that's a good one...

The Sno-Cone Ninja: You sneak up behind her and penetrate at the exact same time you shove a sno-cone in her face. When you're done, you poop in a cat box.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
07/25/2009 12:43 PM

The go for a trip alot: She accidentally falls and has sex with men she's tripped over.



It seems like there are a lot of angry guys out there. I haven't read any post on this thread where a guy is making fun of himself.

Asshat Deluxe 11,439 21
07/25/2009 02:46 PM

Alabama Hot Pocket: Shakespeare in her Poe and then Frost it.

The My Ex Wife: Frost everyone in town, then move to another state and repeat.

The Church: Frost your wife like usual, just as boring as church.

Mighty Kind 36,177 48
07/25/2009 06:00 PM

The stranded soccer team

Both parties try to climb down the mountain by wrestling for who's on top until they can't go on any longer. Then they eat each other.

Pubah 56,833 18
07/26/2009 05:25 AM

Hunting Pecker:
Trying to fish the damn thing out when he's got stage fright preventing semi-public sex.

Pubah 56,833 18
07/26/2009 05:26 AM

Love Hurts:
You cough during a deep throat blow job

Love Stinks:
She farts during cunnilingus

Macka 2.0 1,491 4
07/26/2009 10:44 AM

The Tony Danza:

When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out "Who's the boss?" She'll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream TONY DANZA!!!

Macka 2.0 1,491 4
07/26/2009 10:47 AM

No to ruin it for everyone, but here...have fun:

http://www.subgenius.com/updates/5-99news/X0027_the_dirty_sanchez_et.html