The "evil" substance...?
A comedy conversation
by Gleeeem  226  4
08/06/2009 08:41 AM 329 views
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My wife and I carpool since we both work near downtown Kansas City. I normally drive the mornings and she the afternoons. Well, this morning I felt particularly jerkish and was complaining about all kinds of drivers, the cars they drove, and the states they were from.
Gleeeem and the wife
As we merged onto the exit to get on the surface streets, I was cut off by a particularly moronic Acura driver from South Dakota. I went into a tirade about the whole situation and actually began enjoying myself!
My wife turns and says "God you're an Emerson today, maybe you should have masturbated last night. Whenever you don't get laid in a few days you get mean! I think semen is pure, concentrated, evil."
Of course all men know that concentrated semen which has not been released is the core of a substantial amount of stress, anger, strife, and has actually cause more than one World War.
The root of all evil.
She pauses for a moment, deep in thought, and notifies me, "maybe that's why I get so pissed when you don't tell me your going to spunk all over me."
My wife is normally somewhat shy in talking about such things and never instigates these types of conversations herself. The rest of the drive was relatively quiet until she dropped me off at the office and said, as she left "don't take your semen out on your co-workers."
I laughed and laughed as I walked toward the door. Unfortunately, I heard some chuckles behind me as well. Being the polite person that I am, I opened the door for my director and our division VP. They could hardly contain their laughter...
God I love that woman.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
17 votes
4.1
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439  21
08/06/2009 08:46 AM
Gleeeem and the wife
Wow! Your wife is SO HOT! she available? you know, since she apparently won't Frost you?
"don't take your semen out on your co-workers."
Yeah, cumming on co-workers is usually frowned upon at most workplaces. Just head to the bathroom and fire one off into the toilet.
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
08/06/2009 08:47 AM
You are going to fit in here nicely. But, don't take you semen out on us either.*
*(except maybe Whistler, I heard he caught teh Gay.)
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali_Legend 844 7
08/06/2009 08:48 AM
i leik dinosaws
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Gleeeem 226 4
08/06/2009 08:51 AM
Wow! Your wife is SO HOT! she available? you know, since she apparently won't Frost you?
I could have added "period" and things like "bloody chowder" to help explain that situation, but would those have made it more tasteful? Hmm....I'll consider it next time!
As for her availability...EVERYONE is available for the right price. Shall we start the bidding at....$5?
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/06/2009 09:41 AM
I could have added "period" and things like "bloody chowder" to help explain that situation, but would those have made it more tasteful? Hmm....I'll consider it next time!
You mean I get kethcup on top?
As for her availability...EVERYONE is available for the right price. Shall we start the bidding at....$5?
Shakespeare, I only have $4.95
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Autra - Generic Unfunny Live Member 10,560 11
08/06/2009 02:54 PM
As for her availability...EVERYONE is available for the right price. Shall we start the bidding at....$5?
Hell, I'll pay $20
...same as in town.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Phuc 237,919 21
08/06/2009 03:19 PM
ZUG: Accepting your semen since 1995.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
08/06/2009 03:35 PM
Hey. I may be gay now, but I don't accept spunk from guys who don't know the difference between you're and your. Even if their article is very funny.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Gleeeem 226 4
08/06/2009 04:15 PM
Hey. I may be gay now, but I don't accept spunk from guys who don't know the difference between you're and your.
Dammit!! ONE TIME...I incorrectly used "your" one time in that article and you spew your creamy white hatred everywhere....
Actually, that is horrible, as the whole your/you're and there/their/they're misuse is one of my pet peeves.
Not to worry folks, I'll make sure I torture myself accordingly tonight!
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Amusing
3 votes
1.3
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/06/2009 04:48 PM
Not to worry folks, I'll make sure I torture myself accordingly tonight!
Yeah, as if after all the Shakespeare your wife put you through (you know, not Frost-ing you and all)... I'm sure you are gonna tell yourself no!
Well, at least you won't be doing it on us.
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
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Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413 0
08/06/2009 04:51 PM
Whistler P. McManus
08/06/2009 03:35 PM
Hey. I may be gay now, but I don't accept spunk from guys who don't know the difference between you're and your. Even if their article is very funny.
Whistler P. McManus
08/04/2009 09:28 PM
Your both retards
(Don't forget, I pronounce it reTARDs).
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/06/2009 04:52 PM
Actually, that is horrible, as the whole your/you're and there/their/they're misuse is one of my pet peeves.
Its one of mine too. My ex wife couldn't figure out the difference between them.
A typical email from her would say:
"Your going to you're parents house tonight, right?"
and my favorite...
"About the kids, their going to there dads house tonight. When they go we can go to there grandmas house for supper, you like going their, don't you?"
(Minus the punctuation that if I didn't put it in their, my head would've exploded!).....
god dammit
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/06/2009 05:53 PM
Actually, that is horrible, as the whole your/you're and there/their/they're misuse is one of my pet peeves.
Its one of mine too. My ex wife couldn't figure out the difference between them.
A typical email from her would say:
(Minus the punctuation that if I didn't put it in their, my head would've exploded!).....
You can hear apostrophes? That's killer.
Another pet peeve is people who can't read!
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0 votes
0.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
has a red mark on his forehead
08/06/2009 06:07 PM
*Yells "Yes" and does the yes arm pump*
(in reverse)
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
08/06/2009 10:24 PM
Hey! Reverend Dave!
Your retarded.
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