Top 3 Classic Pranks from Childhood
A comedy article
by John Hargrave  116,625  19
08/10/2009 06:43 PM 4663 views
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I was visiting the beach town of York, Maine over the weekend, and casually glanced in the window of a toy store. Pure joy flooded my veins when I saw a collection of original S.S. Adams prank and novelty items!
Inside the store, imagine my surprise and glee when I found an entire freestanding display of S.S. Adams items, preserved in time like an extremely silly museum attraction.
S.S. Adams was the original inventor of the Dribble Glass, Sneeze Powder, Hot Gum, and many other classic pranks that were advertised in comic books and novelty catalogs for 75 years. Always illustrated with a Depression-era drawing that was anything but depressing, the pranks promised larger-than-life results that could be used over and over again:
Here's the mysterious substance known only as Glop, which "looks like you had a sick dog." Note that even the dog is surprised at the fake dog barf, making this a gag that fools animals as well as humans.
The instructions on the back of each gag are short and cryptic, as if S.S. Adams had an alcoholic copywriter who wanted to get the job over as quickly as possible so he could go pound a few.
They only had one original Dribble Glass in stock, and it was in sad condition. I guess someone bought the glass, then returned it, complaining that it spilled liquid all over them whenever they tried to take a drink.
It's really more of a "plastic cup" than a "glass," and unfortunately doesn't look fancy enough to serve to anyone except a toddler, who would probably be dribbling anyway. Still, you have to admire a prank that's been around for 100 years!
Here's the classic Floor Nickel, which you can "drive into the floor or asphalt driveway" and "watch the sucker's bite" [sic]. You'd think they would have adjusted for inflation by now, and at least come out with the Floor Quarter.
The prank comes with two nails, and the instructions recommend you hammer the extra nail into your floor, pull it out, then tap the floor nickel into the hole. No guidance on how to drive it into an "asphalt driveway," which seems pretty ambitious for a ten year-old without access to a pneumatic hammer.
Finally, here's the legendary Rubber Pencil, which "bends as you try to write!" Breaking from tradition, the woman in the illustration is not surprised or annoyed, but seems positively joyous about her flacid, useless writing utensil. Most women, it seems to me, would at least try to comfort the pencil, saying, "That's okay honey, we can try again later."
By this time, the S.S. Adams copywriter was passed out, unable to come up with even a one-sentence instruction. All we have is the legal disclaimer, "Not recommended for children under 3." Apparently there are thousands of adults who want to prank an infant with a rubber pencil.
All these gags, and many more, are still made in the legendary S.S. Adams factory in Neptune, New Jersey, where they have been churning out practical jokes since 1906 [click here for company photos].
But do the pranks actually work? To find out, I bought a huge collection of gags from the display, which I'll be trying out this week, and reporting on the top three classic S.S. Adams pranks.
Next: The Top 3!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
7 votes
3.3
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0 votes
0.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 5,980  4
08/10/2009 11:37 PM
Man, John. Kids were a lot nicer in your childhood. Mine would have been totally different:
1. Kicking the chair out from underneath someone right before sitting. (Still a classic, my partner used it on the boss a few weeks ago.)
2. Stick in the spokes.
3. Ask friend, "What makes Bush (G. H. W.) madder than anything? Iraq (hit person in balls) and Iran (run off)."
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Chix is in da house 238,110 14
08/10/2009 11:58 PM
1. flaming bag of poo on the front steps with doorbell ringing
2. terpintine on the cat's ass
3. getting your buddy's sister pregnant
Everyone knows those are the top three. Sheesh.
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Funny
6 votes
3.0
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John Hargrave 116,625 19
08/11/2009 01:18 AM
I grew up in Ohio.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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peoriagrace 5,962 9
08/11/2009 11:15 AM
1- About an hour after your brother goes to bed at 4:30pm on christmas eve; Oldest brother wakes the sleeping brother about 1hr later and tells him it's christmas morning. Repeat till ready for bed.
2- Putting a newt on the shoulder of a family friend after they havr helped out under the house; then exclaiming what's that?
3- Scare the family dogs; your older brother pretends his is drowning in the river. Everyong acts all worried and tells the dogs to go save him. They try; but have no hands, so instead scratch his chest all up.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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The Infant in Infantry 979 4
08/11/2009 01:53 PM
1) Smear the toilet seat with Vaseline
2) Have camera ready
3) Wait for splash and screams for help
2) Take a picture of your brother's arms and legs flailing above the toilet seat.
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0 votes
0.0
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Whistler P. McManus 141,539 23
08/11/2009 07:07 PM
getting your buddy's sister pregnant
Fixed.
(Chickens grew up in North Carolina).
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 5,962 9
08/12/2009 09:13 AM
Note that even the dog is surprised at the fake dog barf
The dog is surprised it left any food on the floor.
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