Top 3 Classic Pranks from Childhood, Part 2 A comedy article
by John Hargrave 128,123 71 08/11/2009 11:03 AM 4763 views
S.S. Adams, the world's largest manufacturer of pranks and novelty items, has been creating gags like the Dribble Glass and Joy Buzzer for over 100 years. I lusted over many of these pranks as a kid, but how would they hold up as an adult? When I recently spotted an S.S. Adams display in a toy store, I bought "one of everything," then went home to name my Top 3 Classic Childhood Pranks. I do this as a public service to you, the discriminating pranks consumer.
The headline is that most of the pranks were pretty lame. Take for instance the classic Face-Blackening Soap:
"The more you wash, the blacker you get!" reads the package (minus the punctuation), with illustrations of people who look like they have been submerged in tar. Here, after decades of mystery, is what Black Soap looks like up close:
IT'S BLACK FRIGGIN SOAP.
Now, I had always assumed that "Face Blackening Soap" meant a bar of white soap with some mysterious ingredient that turned people's hands black as they washed. But IT'S JUST BLACK SOAP. Why would anyone use black soap in the first place? Most people, I think, would just rinse with water or wipe their hands on their pants.
This is not even mulatto soap.
But a few of the pranks did work, at least enough to justify the purchase price. And so without any further a-doggie-doo:
1) STINKY PERFUME. "Looks like a bottle of fine perfume, but smells like Rotten Eggs," claims the package. Unfortunately, one half of this claim is a lie -- fine perfume, no matter how avant-garde, generally does not come in small plastic bottles with the words "STENCH - Paris" written on them. They could have made this prank better by classing up the bottle and called it "puanteur," but maybe the S.S. Adams R&D lab is run by the same guy who does the copywriting.
The other half of the claim, however, is right on: it really does smell exactly like Rotten Eggs. It is a smell so profoundly stinky, in fact, that I can understand why they use the Important Capitalization to describe it. Man, this stuff is nasty. (The liquid inside, in case you're wondering, is ammonium sulfide.)
2) DOLLAR SNATCHER. "Everyone will 'bite' on the dropped dollar gag," promises the package, showing the proletariat prankster gleefully tricking the greedy bourgeoisie, as well as a middle-aged man howling with delight as he tricks a seven year-old Cub Scout.
The prank is straightforward: an auto-winding spool of clear fishing line. You tape the end of the line to a dollar bill, unwind the spool, then place the dollar bill in a public location. When someone bends down to pick up the dollar, you release the button, which snatches the dollar from their greedy grip.
A newer version of this prank recently hit the market, the "Electric Dollar Snatcher," which boasts the incredible power of electricity. "How could this be?" you ask. "Does it require a portable generator, or a nearby power transformer?" Watch and be amazed!
Note this "Electric Dollar Snatcher" was manufactured by a rival prank company. At press time, S.S. Adams has been unable to harness the power of electricity, maybe because its R&D director is passed out on his typewriter.
3) FLYING BUTTERFLY. "Flys [sic] up to 20 feet in the air!" the package shouts. "Use again and again!" So basically the package is guaranteeing you can use it up to three times, which was roughly accurate.
The Flying Butterfly was invented by good ol' Sorensen "Sam" Adams himself, who obtained a patent on the device. It's a paper butterfly with a rubber band in the middle that allows you to wind it up tightly, then place it inside a card or book. When someone opens the book, the butterfly will flutter into the air, propelled by the rapidly spinning rubber band.
It really does flutter into the air, though the "up to 20 feet" claim must have been made one day when the Flying Butterfly got sucked into a passing tornado. The bigger problem is that the Flying Butterfly, when tightly wound, can't be placed in an ordinary greeting card, unless the card is positioned underneath, say, a brick.
You can, however, place the Butterfly under a heavy object (bowls of food at mealtime) or in an unabridged dictionary (under B for "butterfly," of course). The weight is sufficient to keep it down until someone removes the weight.
Alas, even the best childhood pranks are cheap, and the rubber band to the Flying Butterfly broke after half an hour of testing. I performed some quickie surgery and installed a new rubber band in no time. I needed the F-Butt in top condition, because I was about to take these pranks out for a field test at the one place they'd be least expected: my local Starbucks. Stay tuned.
The itching powder, which has been taken out of production because it was just fiberglass dust, which they found can cause lung cancer, really did make you itch. For days on end. Until you scratched yourself bloody.
We used to buy it at Playland in Rye, NY, a great, cheesy pre-Six Flags amusement park.
Incidentally, John, you look just like my Great-Aunt Agnes in that picture. Only her moustache is thicker.
The dollar bill snatchy thing reminds me of a stupid little prank we kids used to play on, or should I say under the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
You would go under the Boardwalk, and take a dollar bill or a higher denomation if you were a real thrill seeker. Take the bill and stick it up through the boardwalk. Some one, a tourist or Shoobie from Philly most likely, will stop, bend over, and try to pick up the bill.
Well, you guessed it, at the last second you would snatch the bill back, the patsy would be left there bending over and holding air. Oh the hilarity that would ensue!
The dollar bill bit works great with an old purse on a not too busy/not to quiet street. Tie fishing line to purse, place in the middle of the street and hide in some bushes. Whenever anyone stops and tries to pick up the purse (and they will), yank it out of their reach. Have an escape route as this bit of shenanigans REALLY pisses some people off.
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