Awkward fun at Barnes & Noble
A comedy article
by Macka 2.0  1,491  4
08/14/2009 09:38 AM 898 views
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Well, the wife drug me to the mall last night. Turns out it wasn't such a bad thing because any time spent with her is time well spent. I did however take a moment in Barnes & Noble to not only make a complete ass out of myself and have a little fun in the process.
I don't do stuff like this often, but every now and then it's fun...
First thing I did was walk up to the check out counter and cut about 20 people in line to ask the following:
Macka: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Anger Management books are?
Check out lady: Sure, just give one second
Macka: FINE. SCREW IT! I'LL JUST FIND THEM MY SELF! THANKS!
...and then I stormed off waving my hands wildly in the air and mumbling angry words under my breath.
So I found a couple of books I wanted (one was an IQ test...I've been wanting to know what mine is since I had it done back in third grade) and headed for the check out. On my way, as I'm scanning the books I see one that catches my eye, "Why men love bitches".
Oh, this should be fun.
So I grab the book and get in line, but on my way, I txt my wife and tell her to meet me at the check out, that I'm done.
So I'm staning there, waiting and decide to have a little fun before the wife shows up. I tap the guy on the shoulder in front of me and ask, "Hey, sorry to bother you, but have you ever read this book" and show him the book. He looked and little startled and puzzled as he replied, "Uhhh, no"
"Oh, cool. My dad recommended it to me so I figured I'd check it out." I said, taking our conversation to Mach 5 on the uncomfortable scale.
Of course, a couple of seconds later, my wife walks up (she'd make a great magician's assistant because her timing is fantastic!).
I'm greated with a kiss on the cheek as she slides her hand into mine and asks, "whatcha gettin'?"
"Just some selfhelp books. I found a good book on negotiating, this one is an IQ test, and I found this" and with that, I reveal the "Why Men Love Bitches" book so that she can read the title herself.
She dropped my hand, adjusted her purse and replied in her best 'you're sleeping on the couch' voice, "I'll be in the car".
I noticed that the guy in front was watching and had a stunned look on his face, so I kept going.
"WOW, is it awkward in here or is it just me?" I said trying to get him involved again. He didn't really turn around, so I kept going. "I guess I can forget about asking her to get me "Why Men Cheat" for my birthday, right." I said, nudging him.
I didn't expect what happend next.
The guy whips around, and proclaims, "You know what, you're an Emerson." And with that, he slams his books down on the table behind us and walks out of the store.
"NEXT in line please".
I paid and left.
I should say, I didn't buy the "Why Men Love Bitches" book, it was all just a joke to play on my wife. The guy in line just happned to be bonus for me. My wife knows me well enough to know I was joking, so when I got to the car, she was smiling and greated me with a joking "I hate you so much".
Oh, I did take the IQ test. Big mistake. I'm now dumber than the 3rd grade version of me.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
23 votes
3.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1837512
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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Millie 116,988  28
08/14/2009 09:41 AM
"I hate you so much".
Oh, I don't think she was joking.
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0 votes
0.0
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/14/2009 09:52 AM
Well, the wife drug me to the mall last night.
Wish my wife had drugged me at tghe mall. We'd probably still be together if she had made that kind of effort. That and buttsex.
Turns out it wasn't such a bad thing because any time spent with her is time well spent.
Jesus, ass kissing anyone?
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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A Summer Sweaty Ass......HAT 11,439 21
08/14/2009 09:57 AM
You will think she's joking til you find a copy of her new favorite book under her pillow:
"A Woman's Guide on how to Cheat with as Many Men as Humanly Possible"
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Funny
12 votes
3.6
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Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Zolton 88,214 34
08/14/2009 10:06 AM
"A Woman's Guide on how to Cheat with as Many Men as Humanly Possible"
Thank you for your recent Amazon purchase! You might also enjoy:
"So I Married a Goddamned Amateur Comedian"
"Emersons, and the Women Who Strangle Them in Their Sleep"
"Lorena Bobbitt: Misunderstood Genius?"
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali 8=====D- - - -< Legend 844 7
08/14/2009 11:42 AM
The guys reaction made it for me :)
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 11:52 AM
I'm now dumber than the 3rd grade version of me.
If the 3rd grade version of yourself gives you any lip about it, kick his ass. I'll back you up if you need it.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
08/14/2009 12:13 PM
"You know what, you're an Emerson." And with that, he slams his books down on the table behind us and walks out of the store.
Somebody's husband called him a bitch this morning apparently.
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0 votes
0.0
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Chance 171,275 14
08/14/2009 12:45 PM
Very amusing, thanks for sharing!
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0 votes
0.0
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John Hargrave 128,751 73
08/14/2009 02:21 PM
Well, I thought it was funny (although arguably Zolton's comment was funnier.)
If we can get this up to a four-ZUGZ rating by next week, we'll feature it from the homepage.
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0 votes
0.0
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John Hargrave 128,751 73
08/14/2009 02:22 PM
My bad, it's already up to four ZUGZ!
If it doesn't go down to three ZUGZ, we'll feature it from the homepage next week.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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The Mailman 176,464 56
08/14/2009 02:23 PM
Very amusing, thanks for sharing!
Sorry, but ZUG Live does not have a "very amusing" rating.
"Very amusing" is just your way of saying that you clicked on Macka's post's "amusing" rating, not once, but twice. You bitch.
(Don't hit me now. I'm a man. I love bitches!)
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0 votes
0.0
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Macka 2.0 1,491 4
08/14/2009 02:23 PM
I agree, Z's was funny!
I see 4 zugs...PRINT IT! (where do I collect my check?)
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Zolton 88,214 34
08/14/2009 02:23 PM
That's right, bitches! Get the rating on my comment up to at least four zugz, and... oh. Right.
Godammit.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.3
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 02:29 PM
Don't call them "bitches". Broads hate that.
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali 8=====D- - - -< Legend 844 7
08/14/2009 06:42 PM
If it doesn't go down to three ZUGZ, we'll feature it from the homepage next week.
You jinxed it Emerson. I gave it 5 to help out.
Just joking John you're not an Emerson don't ban me.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Analog 9,608 19
08/14/2009 07:14 PM
Storming away from the counter after asking about "Anger Management" would have been worth 5 clicks alone if you had a hidden camera that recorded the whole thing and posted the video.
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0 votes
0.0
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Macka 2.0 1,491 4
08/14/2009 07:57 PM
Back down to 3 zugs?
OH THE HUMANITY!!
(do I have to send the check back?)
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
08/14/2009 09:18 PM
Damn, I'm retarded. I was wondering this whole time and I just now figured out what that weird Shakespeare in the middle of Ali's name is. Took me long enough.
Yes, I'm also dumb enough to feel the need to post this.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 09:21 PM
I guess it's too late to trick you into petting the mouse that lives in my pants, huh?
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0 votes
0.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
08/14/2009 09:35 PM
Hey subhuman, can I ask you a question without you taking it the wrong way?
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 09:43 PM
Are you going to ask me if I have a life? The answer currently is "no".
If that's not it, ask away.
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0 votes
0.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
08/14/2009 09:46 PM
No, I get that. I'm always on here too. Understandable.
Well, it's kind of awkward to ask...
but are you black?
... you know, because of the name.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 09:49 PM
No. I'm in the Army. Plus I'm from West Virginia originally.
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0 votes
0.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 6,348 4
08/14/2009 09:52 PM
Damn, ruined my joke, but that's even funnier. You've fairly bested me.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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subhuman 576 4
08/14/2009 09:55 PM
It's funny cuz it's true.
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0 votes
0.0
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Macka 2.0 1,491 4
08/14/2009 10:00 PM
Plus I'm from West Virginia originally.
Any plans on staying in America?
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