Take Back the Beep
A funny link
by John Hargrave  116,580  19
08/14/2009 06:51 PM 3051 views
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You gotta love it when journalists use their powers for good, not evil.
The great David Pogue, technology reporter for The New York Times, started a campaign called "Take Back the Beep", very much in the spirit of our ZUG pranks. He was endlessly frustrated, as we all are, with that useless 15-second recorded message that's played before you leave a voicemail:
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. [Name] is not available. To page this person, press 5 now. [Pause] At the tone, please record your message. When you're finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
David Pogue: Greatest Tech Reporter EVAR
His funny commentary on this message is classic Pogue, and the reason he's the greatest tech reporter of our time.
Do we really need to be told to hang up when we're finished!? Would anyone, ever, want to "send a numeric page?" Who still carries a pager, for heaven's sake? Or what about "leave a callback number?" We can SEE the callback number right on our phones!
Second, we're PAYING for these messages. These little 15-second waits add up -- bigtime. If Verizon's 70 million customers leave or check messages twice a weekday, Verizon rakes in about $620 million a year. That's your money. And your time: three hours of your time a year, just sitting there listening to the same message over and over again every year.
Using Pogue's math, I just came up with some quick calculations and estimate that the human race is losing 138 centuries of productivity each year to Verizon alone, by listening to these pointless messages. (Not a joke -- double-check my numbers.) Put another way, the cellphone companies have already set back the evolution of humanity several millenia.
Pogue's idea was to stage a great consumer uprising against the major cellphone carriers, petitioning them to give us a way to disable that stupid voicemail message. And it's working! He posted a followup reporting that the carriers have received "thousands and thousands" of complaints, with three of the four big cellcos making changes, or preparing to.
And the only one who still hasn't responded? None other than our old friend Verizon.
There's got to be a prank here -- maybe calling Verizon customer support, but then making them wait every ten seconds for a lengthy, redundant, prerecorded message.
Any good Verizon prank ideas? Post 'em below.
And now the link:
http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/30/the-mandatory-15-second-voicemail-instructions/
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
7 votes
3.8
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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subhuman 535  2
08/14/2009 07:46 PM
Let's file a class action lawsuit demanding a day of time as compensatory damages plus 100 years of punitive damages per person.
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0 votes
0.0
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Ali 8=====D- - - -< Legend 735 5
08/14/2009 08:27 PM
Bombing the verizon offices would prvide lulz.
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Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.8
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Pepperoni 14 1
08/15/2009 05:07 PM
I got one for you. Kind of like your security question prank. We should all call Verizon customer service and when we get to someone say something like "Hi, you're being contacted by concerned customer [name]. I would like to inform you that your prerecorde messages that play before people get a chance to leave a voicemail are annoying and useless. For further information please hang up and tell your supervisor about my complaint. Thank you, have a nice day." Using your best automated voice or east indian accent would be even better. Possibly adding something about waiting for the beep and then hitting an air horn would be good to.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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knee pop ninja 211 2
08/15/2009 05:11 PM
Petition them for daylight savings time abuse.
Tell them you want credit for one hour of service when we spring forward. You were going to make an important phone call at 2 am, and all the sudden it was 3 am.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Jeeni 11,006 10
08/15/2009 07:27 PM
My husband and I have cell phones that are ONLY for emergencies. (Ordering Pizza is an "emergency" to my husband.)
Incoherent men and old women have left countless messages on my phone, even though I clearly identified myself in the message.
I got sick of wasting my time listening to and deleting these messages, so I recorded a 2.5 minute loop of this three toned sound as my cell phone message. (If you listen to it repeat for a while, it starts to sound like a European ambulance of sorts.) Nobody has had the patience or tenacity to wait through this message to leave their own.
John, I'm sorry to ADD to the problem.
Incidentally, my husband chose this message for his phone.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.3
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Randall Cleveland 43,802 9
08/15/2009 08:24 PM
Is this where Zug gets all "Anonymous" and we start hunting Verizon employees like they're Scientologists?
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Dogs Akimbo 158,663 11
08/15/2009 08:31 PM
Hello. Your post has been forwarded to an automated post messaging system. Dogs Akimbo is not available. To page this person, print out a page to your laser printer and wave it in the air. If you would like to leave a message for Dogs Akimbo, press 5 now and then touch yourself. Repeatedly. If this is an emergency, what the hell are you doing posting on a comedy site, huh? Idiot.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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subhuman 535 2 fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap
08/15/2009 09:37 PM
5
Oh, hey Dogs...I didn't have anything to say really. Just wanted an excuse to touch myself repeatedly. Thanks!
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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subhuman 535 2
08/15/2009 09:43 PM
Incoherent men and old women have left countless messages on my phone, even though I clearly identified myself in the message.
Despite my best surly white boy phone message "Leave a message" it was about a year before I quit getting messages for someone who, judging from the messages left, was a sweet black girl.
I made my phone message surly so that maybe people wouldn't leave a message, and I therefore wouldn't have to talk to them. Obviously, it doesn't work.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Pop me, I'm Knobby! 148 1
08/16/2009 07:26 PM
Switch off call divert, if their call is THAT important they'll ring back or leave a text.. Why not try putting an end to world hunger or war instead of wasting your time on this campaign..
Join my 'Using starving children as cannonballs' campaign.. Simultaneously putting and end to both problems.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Alarm Clock, Carpentier's Robot 5,980 4
08/17/2009 09:01 AM
Join my 'Using starving children as cannonballs' campaign.. Simultaneously putting and end to both problems.
Why sir, that's a modest proposal.
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0 votes
0.0
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mandellia 36 1
08/17/2009 02:03 PM
sqhgsdkus
oh sorry I fell asleep on my keyboard
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