Self Sex Ed ...the hard way
A comedy article
by mielke  1,482  6
08/28/2009 01:34 AM 966 views
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As a Young man I managed to secure a very lucrative paper route that in just 2 short months I would earn enough to see those Andre Agassi's on my feet....but after the first month, my paper delivering friends had me convinced that personal protection came before the shoes and that the money collected needed to be protected at all costs.
Off to the little shady corner store /hippy hemp shop I went to spend my pay check on a low quality jack knife.
Well it wasn't two days after I acquired this wonderful knife that my foster mom finds it in my paper bag and goes Frost-ing ballistic about it and takes it away from me.(bitch!) then she grounds my ass except of course for the hour a day it would take me to deliver my papers(un protected).
After a few days in my room with nothing to do but think...I decide that I am going to get that Frost-ing knife that I bought no matter what it takes!
Next day "Mom" goes out and leaves me in my room,so I realized it's now or never to get it back and of course the only place it could be is in her room.....so I start the hunt!!
I checked everywhere for that knife with the skill and precision of a Navy seal and made sure that every sweater moved... every book touched was correctly placed back it the exact spot so it would appear that it had not been taken, but it had vanished never to be seen again.
Half an hour of searching....no leads to the whereabouts.
I sit on the bed to pause and think .......then it hits me!
Between the mattress is the only place left for her to put it on lock down,
so I carefully lift the covers....then the sheets...I slide my hand in and ............I pull out not my knife but something I had never seen before it was metal and shiny but not my knife.......not knowing what it was and being quite the inquisitive child I investigate further and find an on/ off feature by turning the end clockwise and counter clockwise, so I turned it clockwise and it started to produce it's trade mark dance in my hand, then I pause for thought.
I put two and two together and realized what it was and quickly shoved it back from which it came and ran back to room as nothing had happened.
I lived with these people for sometime after this had happened ....and there wasn't a night that went by that I thought I could hear Mom dancing with Mr Chromey and worst of all never found my God damn knife.
Most people when thinking about their first experience with a dildo,may have some erotic graphic pictures of lusty moments fill your head....I wish I could say the same thing about my first experience....but I can't.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Amusing
5 votes
1.8
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
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Neophyte 9,956  11
08/28/2009 02:15 AM
...well if the dildo was there, I guess we know where your knife was.
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0 votes
0.0
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mielke 1,482 6
08/28/2009 11:19 AM
.....AND THE TUMBLE WEED ROLLS THROUGH
Note self this blew monkey ass
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
08/29/2009 01:34 AM
Jeez your "Mom" sure seems like a tight ass. She should have used that vibrator on her ass. I always had a pocket knife or hunting knife on me as a kid. We did live in a rural area. Also if my Mom took my knife I could just make a new one with obsidian or shell.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
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Mr.Coffee 881 10
08/29/2009 04:01 AM
Between the mattress is the only place left for her to put it on lock down,
so I carefully lift the covers....then the sheets...I slide my hand in and ............I pull out not my knife but something I had never seen before it was metal and shiny but not my knife.......not knowing what it was and being quite the inquisitive child I investigate further and find an on/ off feature by turning the end clockwise and counter clockwise, so I turned it clockwise and it started to produce it's trade mark dance in my hand, then I pause for thought.
did you think "that's not a knife, this is a knife!"
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