Count Ravos 63,472 21
09/01/2009 11:50 AM

Walter Cronkite? Why would you bring up Walter Cronkite? Just sitting here, minding my own business, and then out of nowhere you throw in Walter Cronkite. I'm just trying to be civil, you know? but you come in here and ruin it all for me with your references to Walter Cronkite.

For shame.

Mielke 1,482 6
09/01/2009 12:42 PM

I always bug my wife about her killing child hood celebrity's because on more than one occasion when talking with friends about Mr Rogers or others she would ask "Isn't Mr. Rogers is dead now?",and then as coincidence would have that week in the news he died!, this happen 2 or 3 times so now when we talk about any type of celeb I often look to my wife and beg her not to will them to death and she gets REALLY defensive.

Jeeni 47,807 51
09/01/2009 12:43 PM

Hehe, nice one Bikini!

I told my hubby that his favorite pizza joint went out of business & he almost cried.

Guess where we went to dinner that night?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/01/2009 12:47 PM

Moving the furniture.

Disco Bob 4,322 8
09/01/2009 01:17 PM

I like to play a little game called : Oops, wrong hole!

KChikita Banana Box 128,431 98
09/01/2009 01:27 PM

I bug my husband with horribly inane jokes, such as the following gem;

Me (completely straight-faced): "Did you hear Vanna White got arrested the other day?"
Husband (rolling eyes at me): "Yeah. Right."
Me: "No, seriously! It was in the news and everything!"
Husband: "Okay, what for?"
Me: "She made an illegal U-turn."

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
09/01/2009 01:29 PM

My wife is constantly misplacing things, like her keys or cell phone. When she does, she always asks for help in finding them.

I say helpful things like, "Well, where did you leave them," or, most famously, "I bet they're in your purse."

My wife always swears they're not in her purse, and I tell her that her things always are where she swears they can't be. So she goes and dumps out her purse and doesn't find them.

If I happen to be the one that finds the missing item, I slip it in my pocket, then sneak back around to where she put her purse and drop it in.

A few minutes later, I say, "I think I'll go take a look in your purse."

Again, she swears up and down that it's not in the purse, and that she just dumped it out and didn't find them. She even gets a little angry about it, and sometimes, she tries to physically restrain me from looking in the purse again.

But of course, I go to the purse, and there it is, sitting right on top. I shrug my shoulders and pretend, in a very condescending manner, to think it's perfectly normal for someone to think they've lost something that's right there in her purse.

Making someone think they're going crazy is the best.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/01/2009 01:30 PM

Kchiki, the horrible joke thread is over there. OH! Tormenting, I get it now.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/01/2009 01:31 PM

Whistlers wife hides his phone in the refrigerator.

KChikita Banana Box 128,431 98
09/01/2009 01:34 PM

I recently accused my husband of trying to convince me that I'm losing my mind. I actually can't remember at the moment what it was, but I was very sure he was doing it intentionally, and he swore he wasn't.

Whistler, you have renewed my faith.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
09/01/2009 01:35 PM

Anything I can think up I use. I especially like reminding him of the time he drank this old apple cider that had gone bad. It had these little floaty soft balls like you found in that Orbitz soda.

He likes to tell the kids I always fart in 3's.

Pubah 56,841 18
09/01/2009 05:52 PM

So this Stephen Fry bloke has been in House's back door?

Pubah 56,841 18
09/01/2009 05:54 PM

Guess where he wanted to go to dinner that night

The Y?

Pubah 56,841 18
09/01/2009 08:19 PM

How to torment your lover

Install a celing fan in the bedroom...

...just in time for winter.

Mielke 1,482 6
09/01/2009 08:42 PM

For some strange reason my wife has been misled to believe that the orange cone things they put on roads to warn you of construction are called pine cones.

Many attempts have been made to correct her on this issue but she refuses to admit her fault,so i felt that a visual aid may help.

When they were fixing our street i went out at 3am and took the biggest pylon i could find and put it in the middle of the living room for a couple of days with a big sign exclaiming "HI I am a Pylon"!

Thud 68,511 19
09/01/2009 08:46 PM

I like to bother my wife by telling her terrible jokes I read on the internet.

Mielke 1,482 6
09/01/2009 08:50 PM

I like to bother my wife by telling her terrible jokes I read on the internet.



I am sure you would have enough original material to bother her with, do I have to start using ,, ©

Mielke 1,482 6
09/01/2009 08:51 PM

OK so trademark and copyright don't work on Zug.

Mielke 1,482 6
09/01/2009 08:58 PM

Mielke begs Mrs Mielke not to will Pubah.

Pubah 56,841 18
09/01/2009 09:18 PM

WTF...over?

Count Ravos 63,472 21
09/02/2009 07:25 AM

I expected more responses to involve car trunks.

Millie 116,988 28
09/02/2009 06:44 PM

I seem to torment my lover with my mere presence.

Pubah 56,841 18
09/03/2009 06:58 PM

You, Millie, torment the rest of us when you're absent

Asshats are falling from the trees! 11,439 21
09/03/2009 09:53 PM

Well when tormenting a loved one, A dutch oven is always a hoot! (or is it a toot?) anyhow...

My ex used to play this really fun game called "While my poor unsuspecting husband is in his nice relaxing hot shower, I'm going to fill up a bucket with ice water, sneak into the bathroom and pour it over the shower curtin on him, instantly making his Coleridge and balls shrivel up into his body and making him go into shock"

Good times...

Mr.Coffee 881 10
09/04/2009 04:59 AM

I managed to convince one of my friends that the lead singer of They Might Be Giants died in a lion attack. That was a good week.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
09/04/2009 10:29 AM

I'm a bit gutted that Whistler's story is funnier than my actual article. Damn you, fifey! Why must you be so evil and witty?

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
09/04/2009 01:28 PM

I'm the one who is on the recieving end of the jokes and annoying behaviour. I'm also very gullible. McPants told me that in Sweden they had reindeer flavoured cider for the Christmas season.

I believed him.

It comes up often.

RaisinBean 151 4
09/04/2009 06:00 PM

I am extremely hard of hearing, thus I wear hearing aids. To make a long story short, whenever me and the wife have an argument, I wait until she's on fullblown DEFCON 5 and the Cat is climbing up the walls. She's screaming and building up and ready to explode.......When I take the hearing aids out. I say "Are you done yet"? I bet you fellow Zuginites can guess what happens next.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
09/06/2009 04:18 AM

I think it involves her fist and his nuts. Ow, man.

RustyNail 13 4
09/21/2009 09:25 PM

The good old dutch oven always works it's way into a war of insults.

Also, I think she hates when I call her ''beautiful''. That's why I just stopped calling her that since the first day.

cycoivan 11,330 11
09/22/2009 09:53 AM

I think the best way to torment them is to never forget embarassing stuff. Like the time when my wife accidentally locked herself out of our apartment and pooped herself waiting for me to bring the key. She didn't tell me this until a few days later but I thought something was up because she was walking funny and the dog couldn't keep his nose out of her ass.

Now anytime I want to rib her I just call her Princess Pammy Poopy Pants

Drowning Fish 222 4
09/28/2009 02:18 AM

I would always wait until I was good and steady into a well-functioning relationship... and then I would convince my boyfriend that I enjoy being pissed on during sex. I never would correct the lie, but I did hope like hell none of them would take me up on it.

666999x 149 4
09/29/2009 11:55 AM

My girl hates it when I piss the bed. You wouldn't believe how angry she gets. It's the perfect way to train her. If she does something that makes me angry, that night I'll piss the bed. Over time, she learns. She is a very good girl now, but I still do it anyway sometimes, just for laughs.