Count Ravos 62,361 20
09/02/2009 09:39 AM

It smells like crap. It's a bathroom, what the hell do you expect.

You Shakespeare doesn't exactly smell like roses. Well, it might, if you ate some roses.

TomServo 3,752 7
09/02/2009 09:52 AM

I have never understood why some bathroom air fresheners have food smells. Our work kept a can of strawberries and cream air freshener in there... I now hate that smell more than the smell of human excrement.


I think the fact that I know this smell is tricking me into believing I am not inhaling someone's ass gas freaks me out more.

Mighty Kind 35,418 48
09/02/2009 09:57 AM

I was just commenting the other day to one of my co-workers that it is odd to have girly scented liquid hand soap in the men's restroom.

There are few times where smelling my hands should cause an erection, and after I pee should not be one of them.

Count Ravos 62,361 20
09/02/2009 10:08 AM

Works for R. Kelly!

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,338 4
09/02/2009 10:18 AM

Not a smell, but I just sent this to Lobstah, showing her what I do at work all day.


Taped them inside the urinal stalls from multiple angles, all staring at where you whip your junk out at.

I are Nipples 2,207 7
09/02/2009 11:23 AM

The bathroom at my work smells like cigarettes, poop, and tears.

Gonzo 20,504 16
09/02/2009 11:37 AM

It smells like hurting.

Anita Condon 15 3
09/02/2009 12:31 PM

Smells like canned soup. I ate some soup, then peed shortly after, and it smelled like soup! Does this happen to anyone else?

Asshats are falling from the trees! 11,234 21
09/03/2009 10:02 AM

We have people at my job who take a mighty Shakespeare, leave the Shakespearety toilet paper on the floor and don't flush. The cleaning crew comes in about once a month. I'll give you one good god damn guess what OUR bathroom is like.

Smells Like Teen Spirit!

Shell Belle 76,640 24
09/03/2009 10:21 AM

Your Shakespeare doesn't exactly smell like roses.


Now I can't get that Outkast song out of my head.

"Roses really smell like poo poo poo.."


AHH! Make it stop!

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
09/03/2009 10:23 AM

I have my own bathroom at work. One day my good friend Morose Mike came in and asked if he could use my bathroom. He said he had to take a mean dump, and was embarassed to be grunting in the regular men's room. So what the hell, he's a pal, I tell him to go ahead.

When he came out, he warned me not to go in there for a while - that he had really stunk the place up. I should mention at this point that he is 6 feet, 7 inches tall, and about 375 pounds.

I had to run out to the plant to solve some problem, and I forgot about Mike using my toilet. On the way back from the plant, I realized I had to pee. So I ran into my office, toward the bathroom door, already unzipping my fly and pulling out my Coleridge with one hand as I opened the door with the other.

And there, sticking up out of the bowl, was the most gigantic turd I have ever seen. I swear, I have a toddler who is almost two, and this thing was as big as her leg. One end was partway down the pipe going out of the toilet, and the other end was up, out of the water, and probably three or four inches of it was sticking up above the seat. At it's widest point, it was as thick as a rolled up Sunday New York Times. I couldn't believe it passed through a human sphincter.

I went to the men's room and peed, then went to Mike's work station.

"Bro," I told him, "You can get a plunger and go break that thing up and fluShakespeare away, or I can call maintenance and tell them it was you who left it."

He did it himself.



Imagine this, only made out of poop.

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
09/03/2009 10:36 AM

I forgot to mention that this giant poop didn't really smell that much. In any case, it didn't smell enough to overpower the normal odor of coffee, anger and desperation that permeates my office.

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,338 4
09/03/2009 10:51 AM

In all fairness, when I leave a sinking Titanic I leave it so it can hang around for witnesses too. There's great pride in giving the Komode a what for. How could you not help but brag about it. I'd have let everyone see it, and possibly taken pictures.

Count Ravos 62,361 20
09/03/2009 11:16 AM

Shakespeareberg ahoy matey!

The Cult in Difficulty 1,071 7
09/03/2009 11:24 AM

Our regional manager used to come by the office every couple of days. She is large enough that I can hear her huffing and puffing up to the back door before she's opened it. Not that I'd need to, as her perfume introduces her from a mile away, and yes, I can smell that through the door, too. Because my office is the furthest toward the back, I have the least amount of head start on closing my office door when she visits. See, even though she oversees us in a technical sense, she just comes to gossip for hours at a time. And take a Shakespeare. Every time. And because my door is right across from the pool (the front bathroom being purposed for more dainty endeavors), I get to smell that too.

Now, to be fair, I get to smell everybody's business. I know when any one of my coworkers is frustrated at me, venting by not venting, and I have to go across the hall and turn on the fan after they're done. But hers are of such magnitude and funk that they rapidly overwhelm the fan, and I have to go find someone to annoy down the hall, lest I be smothered. Sometimes I'm not so lucky. Sometimes I'm stuck on the phone. And when I am, maybe because I have a sensitive sniffer or maybe because I love to cook, but I swear I can smell what she has been eating.

At first I thought it was just my imagination running away. But one day, as she was walking away from the scene of the crime, I called out, "How was the beef and noodles?" After checking her blouse for drips and remnants, she asked how I knew, since it was last night that she'd had it. I just smiled.

I kept score of the times I was right, and found that I was batting about .700 over the course of a few weeks, but now I get less practice. For some reason, she doesn't come around much anymore.

Count Ravos 62,361 20
09/03/2009 11:28 AM

At my old workplace, I was in the bathroom, and the assistant manager walked out of a stall, and directly out of the bathroom after having taken a dump, and didn't even wash his hands. I never shook hands with him again.

Chance 171,220 14
09/03/2009 01:07 PM

My workplace smells like pomegranate cider or Autumn leaves. My two favorite candle tart smells.

Pubah 54,900 17
09/03/2009 07:06 PM

Burned microwave popcorn...the smell of incompetence, uh, multitasking.

Asshats are falling from the trees! 11,234 21
09/03/2009 09:36 PM

At one of my old jobs we had a one toilet private bathroom, no stalls. One day, I had to Shakespeare REALLY bad. I went in and Shakespeare and it was pure evil. The stench peeled the wallpaper. Skunks were turning in their union cards at the desk.

Anyhow, for some reason I didn't piss enough and had to piss shortly afterwards. I went to go in there and a co worker pushed me aside so he could piss first. Serves the bastard right. He went in for about a nanosecond and came out looking as if he wanted to voluntarily cement his nose shut with manure to make it better. The best part was no one saw me go in or come out AND by heading towards the bathroom, I was cleared of any wrongdoing.

Now I make it a regular practice whenever I have bombed the villagers to make a return trip soon after to cover my tracks.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,254 18
09/04/2009 06:11 AM

We used to have this horrible lavender spray in the toilet here which we stopped using because the combination of odours ended up smelling, as described by one staff member, like "an old lady covered in stale wee and perfume."

Pubah 54,900 17
09/04/2009 11:22 AM

Armpits...it's easy to tell who didn't 'freshen up' on a hot day

cakes and ale 2,403 6
09/04/2009 11:05 PM

The other day I was in a meeting with two male associates. One excused himself to go to the restroom. He was gone for a reasonable amount of time. After he returned the second gentleman left to do the same but returned almost as soon as he had left, exclaiming, "Dude! What did you eat for lunch, a dead baby?"

Bean 7,930 17
09/05/2009 06:54 PM

The area my desk is in shares a wall with the only bathroom in the office. We are a small law firm, 3 attorneys and me. Our bathroom is small, just a toilet and a sink, and it has a really loud fan. When you turn the light on, the fan comes on automatically. Our bathroom also is NOT. SOUNDPROOF. AT. ALL. We might as well have placed a toilet in the waiting room and surrounded it with a curtain for all the sound proofing it provides. To a person sitting in the bathroom squeezing out a loaf, the fan is so loud that you can hardly hear any noise you are making yourself, and they probably don't realize just how well every little noise can be heard at my desk. If you're on the outside though, the sounds leave very little to the imagination. One partner routinely poops in that bathroom, and I can always hear the noise he makes when he pushes. It's not a loud noise, but more like the noise when you let your breath out after holding it in and pushing. I have also heard the splash many a time, as well as any time somebody unrolls the toilet paper.

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/06/2009 04:05 AM

Before breastfeed babies have any solid food; their poop is very mild smelling. As soon as solid food or formula is introduced; oh holly hell is it bad.

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/06/2009 04:11 AM

Plus they always go wherever they feel like it. Dinner, shopping, doctors, when you have company over. And they are not quiet; grunting, heavy breathing, groaning, their eyes pop out and their face gets beat red. When in a playful mood they may smear it all over. If hungry, well they might just take some bites.
After all this they act as if nothing has even happened.

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
09/06/2009 06:04 PM

When in a playful mood they may smear it all over. If hungry, well they might just take some bites.


Um, Grace? You might want to take your children to be evaluated. Because I've known a lot of kids, and the only ones who ate or smeared poop were mongoloid idiots.


Okay, have a blessed day!

Dr. Shempso The Heavy Metal Stooge 22,212 16
09/06/2009 08:36 PM

]Um, Grace? You might want to take your children to be evaluated. Because I've known a lot of kids, and the only ones who ate or smeared poop were mongoloid idiots


Mongoloid idiots... Or they grow up to be this guy.

Pubah 54,900 17
09/07/2009 04:37 AM

workplace smells

Dead, furry things in the refrigerator.

Opening the office refrigerator the Monday after that weekend storm that knocked out power.

The guy that keeps his unwashed gym clothes under his desk

Ladies, keep your shoes on...your feet stink

Mielke 1,480 5
09/07/2009 05:04 AM

One place I worked in a factory it was really hot in the summer as it was a machine shop and welding shop,we had a guy from Bosnia would work there and could not speak English to save his life.....

He always would wear a black T-shirt to work......

For about 2 weeks at a time and then when it got so soaked with sweat that there was salt stains all over it he would just turn the bitch inside out and good to go for another couple of weeks.





We called him "Freshie" as in fresh off the boat...he liked his nick name!
did know why we called him that but meh.

Pubah 54,900 17
09/07/2009 11:46 AM

LSRP

Last sentence ruined post

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/07/2009 03:01 PM

Um, Grace? You might want to take your children to be evaluated. Because I've known a lot of kids, and the only ones who ate or smeared poop were mongoloid idiots.

One- I said babies
A- not my babies
Trafalgar Square- Don't make fun of the Mongols

Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
09/07/2009 03:17 PM

Yeah, or she'll cut you with her poop knife.

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/09/2009 07:29 AM

Well apparently they changed the scent can sprayer thingy to something different today (to many complaints and random acts of vomiting after entering the bathroom probably). The new can-o-scent has the title of "L'odore delle viscere", it currently smells like a BLT sandwich made with bad mayo, mixed with month old chitlins, put into a food processor and blended with alarm clock's toilet eyes, and toped with fried brown tomatoes.

Oh wait, my co-worker just walked out of the bathroom. Now HE is a guy that stinks, he told me that he had colin cancer a while back and had to get 6" of his colin removed and now his "smells" and other things just fall out without his knowlege.

So now that he is out of there, maybe the smell will go away.....I hope.

Thud 66,695 17
09/09/2009 12:53 PM

Now HE is a guy that stinks, he told me that he had colin cancer a while back and had to get 6" of his colin removed and now his "smells" and other things just fall out without his knowlege.

Is Colin his boyfriend? Why would he have 6 inches removed? Was Colin too big for him?

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/09/2009 12:56 PM

Colon....my bad

KChikita Banana Box 124,281 89
09/09/2009 01:04 PM

This thread makes me so glad I have a can of Renuzit in my office.

Plus, my intern is preggers and just about every smell in the world makes her nauseous. BONUS!

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/09/2009 02:36 PM

So your intern has random acts of violent vomiting due to any smell? My wife does that whenever I come around her, but thats different. She says that it is because I make her sick, but to vomit at any smell....that must suck. sorry that you have to put up with that all day.

subhuman 576 4
09/11/2009 06:46 PM

Given that we only have port-a-johns at work, the "bathroom" smells like Blue Water Lagoon in the morning after it's cleaned, and it smells like Poo-Poo Island by the evening when I get there.

So how has everyone been? I'd be around a lot more often than I have been, except that, apparently, when a person works 12 hour shifts 13 days out of every 14, the Army considers it incredibly important that they don't have access to humor websites....

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/14/2009 01:55 PM

LSRP

Dead Pussy 219 5
09/14/2009 02:37 PM

Our bathroom smells like rotting meat. We also have a girl that works here that's...uummmm, how to put this...is a total and complete slut! I've heard that when a girl's vajay jay smells like rotting meat...it's a sign of infection. Questions of the day: should we tell this poor slut of a girl that she smells like a dead animal that's been rotting on the side of the road for a week or do we let it ride and just check for parts of her to fall off into the toilet?!?

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/14/2009 03:13 PM

should we tell this poor slut of a girl that she smells like a dead animal that's been rotting on the side of the road for a week or do we let it ride and just check for parts of her to fall off into the toilet?!?

I say find out where she lives and put an anonymous note saying "Get your cooter checked".

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/15/2009 09:05 AM

"Our bathroom smells like rotting meat. We also have a girl that works here that's...uummmm, how to put this...is a total and complete slut! I've heard that when a girl's vajay jay smells like rotting meat...it's a sign of infection."

Where do you guys work? Are you guys the ones that make the smelly spray thingys? Because rotting vajay jay is what our male bathroom smells like now. Either that slut girl at your work is the one making the scent spray that we are receiving or one of the guys I work with has rotten meat.

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/16/2009 01:27 PM

I wonder what John Hargrave does for a job? Since I haven't been around long enough to know if he has a job with a office or is his office in his house doing full time Zug...

Anyways, I was wondering what his bathroom smelled like while he was doing The Alli Experiment? I can guess what his pants smelled like due to the pictures, but since he was "leaking" I wonder what his bathroom smelled like...

A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 17,427 30
09/16/2009 03:05 PM

I don't work, but at my school all the female bathrooms smell like Aunt Flo took up permanent residence there.

Except the Faculty bathroom, which I use regularly because it's clean and smells like sugar cookies. Nothing like being hungry while you poo.

cycoivan 11,324 11
09/16/2009 03:18 PM

Right now it smells like failure and burnt mental gears. Just another average hump day working for the state of Wisconsin.

dasypy gal 12,075 15
09/17/2009 01:25 AM

I've heard that when a girl's vajay jay smells like rotting meat...it's a sign of infection. Questions of the day: should we tell this poor slut of a girl that she smells like a dead animal that's been rotting on the side of the road for a week or do we let it ride and just check for parts of her to fall off into the toilet?!?


I'm curious as to why you named yourself Dead Poe, then have the gall to ask a question that you, obviously, already know the answer to.

peoriagrace 6,153 11
09/17/2009 01:49 AM

Right now it smells like failure and burnt mental gears. Just another average hump day working for the state of Wisconsin.

Yeah, but you know, what about all that free cheese? Is it only government cheese or do you get to pick a Wisconsin cheese?

cycoivan 11,324 11
09/17/2009 04:00 PM

Yeah, but you know, what about all that free cheese? Is it only government cheese or do you get to pick a Wisconsin cheese?

Nope, we had our cheese budget cut this year. Frost-ing recession.

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
09/18/2009 06:22 AM

Nope, we had our cheese budget cut this year. Frost-ing recession.

How much Cheese did you cut personally?

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/01/2009 08:37 AM

Well, I dont know why....but now whenever I go into our bathroom, it has a perminant stank. The smell is to the point now that I cannot use the bathroom any more! I have to piss extremely bad (like a siberian racehorse), but my body will not allow me to do so in this one bathroom, therefore I am forced to walk to the other end of the building to use the de-stankified bathroom.

This Sucks!

Miss Trixxie 65,014 14
10/09/2009 12:36 PM

ass sex and jiszm

Porterhouse the Decaying-Jumbledgut 477 4
10/09/2009 12:43 PM

ass sex and jiszm

Noooo..... Bedrooms do not count as a "Work Place". Yes you might get a Work Out while in there alone, but they do not count in this Challange.

Unless you are a hooker, in which case any bedroom or alley cardboard box is your "Work Place".

cakes and ale 2,403 6
10/09/2009 12:46 PM

A bathroom that I used yesterday smelled like Shakespeare and enchiladas. I almost puked. I had a craving for Mexican all day.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 11,324 11
10/09/2009 03:41 PM

How much Cheese did you cut personally?

That joke is whey out of line. You obviously don't know Jack about cheese. You cheddar learn some more jokes because that joke is no gouda.

Nacho cheese puns! Those are mine!

A.C. the Sanguisuge Frankenstein 6,338 4
10/10/2009 04:23 PM

I never thought of corn cheese. Thank you Cyco.