Write Like Maddox: Frost you, sardine
A comedy article
by reeceallen  106  4
09/06/2009 05:29 PM 648 views
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Sardines are Frost-ing stupid.
Have you ever seen a sardine in the wild? No? Thats because they arent even a real Frost-ing fish! Who besides your grandparents even eats sardines anymore? I tried one goddamn sardine when I was a kid and I spat it out. I was smart. Smarter than your grandparents. I knew Shakespeare when I tasted it!
Besides the fact that theyre repulsive looking and tiny, sardines have an oily, briny flavor. Oh, and they come with all their bones still intact. Thats because the manufacturers realized that the only people that eat sardines are Frost-ing morons and the primary consumers of sardines will put anything in their mouths. Even bones.
To cover up the flavor of the tin can theyve been rotting in for 2 weeks and the taste of the fiShakespeareself, the makers of the sardine came up with the perfect sauce to accent the Shakespeare taste: oil. Mmmm, oil. Last time I checked oil didnt Frost-ing taste like anything. You just made a Shakespearety fish even Shakespearetier! Frost you!
For the price of a can of sardines I could buy 5 Frost-ing gumballs. If I had the choice between eating those gumballs, swallowing them, Shakespeare-ing them out, and re-eating them , or eating sardines for the rest of my life, I would choose the goddamn gumballs!
Im gonna use all the money I havent spent on sardines to buy a gun, drive down the nearest Frost-ing sardine plant and blow the heads off of every Frost-ing worker there!
An average day at the sardine plant
Frost you!
Frost you and your Frost-ing sardines!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
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1 Comment on "Write Like Maddox: Frost you, sardine"
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0 votes
0.0
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UnderWhere? 101,398  77
09/17/2009 11:07 AM
I enjoyed this, but it read more like a "Frost You, Penguin" article than Maddox.
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