Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/07/2009 06:23 PM

One time I was with a girl at her house. It was about 2 in the morning and her son was sleeping in the other room. We had been doing our thing for a little while and were kind of distracted, so we didn't notice her son walking into the room.

He stood up on the chair next to the bed and started to pee on us. I, of course, flew off the bed and said to him, "Why the hell are you doing that?"

He says to me, "That's what the other guy was doing the other night."


I never went back there.




That story is in this thread.

Unknown Duck 530 6
09/07/2009 06:31 PM

I did your Ex wife.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
09/07/2009 07:29 PM

I'm too lazy to write a story right now. Read my post in this thread.

Thud 68,511 19
09/07/2009 07:34 PM

Ah, yes, your son's favorite post.

Dude, Where's My Lobstah? 18,571 33
09/07/2009 07:45 PM

I'm sleeping with Alarm Clock.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/07/2009 10:17 PM

I'm sleeping with Alarm Clock.


But where is the big hand and the little hand? That is what would make it embarrassing.

Mighty Kind 36,182 48
09/07/2009 10:24 PM

If you have read my When Mary Met Abby contest entry, you know how that Abby and I met and became friends with benefits before the expression had even been coined. She was awesome and I don't think I ever heard her say no to anything other than pharmaceuticals. She did however have one small kink that I was more than happy to oblige; Spankins.

I had just moved in with a new roommate as Bob the guitarist had gotten tired of my shenanigans. This guy was an old friend from back home in the hills of Arkansas. A long haired, FuManChu wearing, brick wall, that also happened to play bass. We had been there about a week when I got a call from Abby, who wanted to come and check out the place. Not necessarily in that order.

She arrived as planned and as usual I indulged her fetish as best I could from whatever angle I was provided. She kissed me goodbye the next morning as my new roommate watched from the couch. After she left, he called me over and motioned for me to sit down while handing me the bat from his one-hitter.

"Man. I just got one question for ya." He said as I took my hit.

"What's that bro?" I asked obliviously.

"Were you the spanker ... or the spankee?" he asked as if the fate of my stature as man was on the line, which it was.

"Dude. Spanker for sure. Did you even have to ask? pshh!" I replied

His squinted gaze seemed to be searching for any hint of untruth, and possibly even for redness in my palms or other regions. When his eyes met mine again his expression changed for the better.

"Alright!" he said as he thrust his fist into the air, and then we high-fived.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
09/08/2009 09:23 AM

This didn't happen to me but I witnessed it. At a party, I stumbled into a room, flipped on the lights and was greeted by the sight of my friend with his head buried between his girlfriends legs. They were both pretty startled and he lifted up to tell me to get the Frost out.

That's when I saw the most hilarious thing. He was earning his redwings. Blood was smeared all across his cheeks and down his chin. Upon seeing me pointing back at him he looked over at the bedroom mirror and was as surprised as I was. He immediately began ruthlessly bitching out his girlfriend who kept swearing she was not on her period. Things were really getting heated when she pointed out that the amount of blood on his face was increasing even after removing himself from the alleged bleeding Poe.

As it turns out they were really getting into it and he had bloodied his nose on her pubic bone. She wasn't a "stupid bleeding Carroll" after all, he was.

Mr.Coffee 881 10
09/08/2009 09:47 AM

One time I tried to start a spam account on ZUG. Then an admin banned me and made fun of my tiny penis. Everybody saw, it was horrible.

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/08/2009 02:44 PM

But where is the big hand and the little hand?

It's all second hand, baby!

You make me feel so Ravos 63,472 21
09/08/2009 02:56 PM

So lightly used, and bought from a thrift store?

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/08/2009 02:59 PM

Thinner and more jittery than the rest.