A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 18,572 33
09/16/2009 02:57 PM

I got hired on as a manager at Lowe's after getting home from failing at the Navy.

I made friends with some of the supervisory positions-not in my department- and we all went out for drinks after work one day. No big deal, right?

So I come into work the next shift, and one of the other people at the store had ratted on us. For having drinks with lunch. Off the clock. Off of company property.

I was let go, along with the other 3 people I was with. it was complete bullShakespeare, but Lowe's has a tendency to suck the soul out of the people who've worked there too long.

Just ask Millie.

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413 0
09/16/2009 03:04 PM

So many morons, where to begin?

Probably not the dumbest, but definitely up there is during the very brief time in my life I sold cars. You guys know how relentless those bastards are, right? Well, I once had a woman come in to test drive a Mazda CX-7. I got her info and followed up. Turned out, she was the personal assistant for the VP of North American Operations. They were giving her a custom model, with her full choice of options for free.

In our sales meeting, she came up in talk. They asked me why I only followed up once(they like a minimum of three in a week, as anyone who has shopped for a car knows), I explained the situation. My manager then actually tried to persuade me that there is still a chance to sell her an inferior model for 30k if I went about it right.

I just looked at him for about an hour with a blank look because my brain stopped all functioning at this input with a new absence of logic my brain just could not process. I suppose similar to having a computer find words rhyming with orange. But I digress. I walked out of the meeting, packed up my desk and simply walked out without saying a word.

Mighty Kind 36,184 48
09/16/2009 03:07 PM

They made me the network administrator.

A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 18,572 33
09/16/2009 03:08 PM

words rhyming with orange

Door Hinge
Or-ange


I rhymed it just fine.

Credit to AC for ending me that in an e-mail to cheer me up one day. Don't let him lie to you; he really is a hopeless romantic.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
09/16/2009 03:09 PM

November 2, 1987

Whistler P. McManus: "Yes, thank you, I'll take the job."

A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 18,572 33
09/16/2009 03:11 PM

Also:

http://www.poemofquotes.com/tools/rhyme-generator.php?word=orange

cycoivan 11,330 11
09/16/2009 03:14 PM

I hear it's kinda hard to rhyme a word like vagina

Calvin Kline kinda

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413 0
09/16/2009 03:34 PM

Door Hinge Doesn't rhyme, unless you have an accent I have never heard that does not pronounce the 'h'.

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413 0
09/16/2009 03:36 PM

Oh, and none of those from that site actually rhyme, either. Some are spelled similar, and many are close, but none fit the literal definition.

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/16/2009 03:56 PM

Door Hinge Doesn't rhyme, unless you have an accent I have never heard that does not pronounce the 'h'.

Frost you.

It's probably hard to hear a lot of things with your head stuck up your ass that far while you're walking around on all those chips falling off your shoulders.

Stay the hell away from Texas.

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/16/2009 04:07 PM

As far as rhyming with vagina, Jon Lajoie kind of did it in I Kill People.

"That would be gay,
and I'm totally not gay.
I'm all about
V-A-G-I-N-A."

cycoivan 11,330 11
09/16/2009 04:11 PM

It's probably hard to hear a lot of things with your head stuck up your ass that far while you're walking around on all those chips falling off your shoulders

How does one keep their head up their ass and a chip on their shoulder?

On second thought, I really don't want to know

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413 0
09/16/2009 04:31 PM

Stay the hell away from Texas.

Really? in Texas they use a silent 'h'? Never noticed that before.

And why the Frost would I want to go to Texas? You mean the place that was terrified of Mexico beating them up so bad they voluntarily stopped being a country and joined the USA, and we have not heard about how great Texans think they are ever since. Really, they are worse than the French. Cowards. Reminds me of Wimp Lo. Gets his ass kicked and is really pathetic, but was taught to think these are good things.

Dogs Akimbo 211,609 32
09/16/2009 10:32 PM

what's the dumbest thing that's happened to you at work?

I smashed my monitor because it wouldn't give me the print-out of my spreadsheet.

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/16/2009 10:34 PM

what's the dumbest thing that's happened to you at work?

I tried using Post-It sticky notes.

I wrote things on them that needed to be done, and even by next week when I came back, they were right there on my desk and computer where I left them, and none of the Shakespeare got done. They're not even worth stealing.

dasypy gal 14,803 17
09/16/2009 10:43 PM

Whistler P. McManus: "Yes, thank you, I'll take the job."

April 4, 1988

Dasypy gal: "This is gonna be a great career!"
*weeps in hands*

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
09/16/2009 10:52 PM

That time I thought stealing 50 pounds of copper wouldn't be noticed.


Oh, you said the dumbest thing that has ever happened to me at work. Not the dumbest thing I have ever done at work.

Manhole 21,658 29
09/16/2009 11:36 PM

My favorite is when a customer complains thier machine's not working, and I fly half way across the country only to find that it's working just fine. And then they still want me to fix it, even though there's nothing to fix.


Yea, this happens to me about once a month.

The Spit in Hospitality 1,071 8
09/17/2009 12:12 AM

I was asked to do a series of PowerPoint presentations for a client's staff, and I called to firm up the details with the woman in charge. Since our projector is a museum piece that not only requires a pin-plug-to-USB adaptor but also weighs enough to dislocate a shoulder, I inquired if they had one there.


"Oh yes!"
"Does it use a USB connection, or a pin-type plug?"
"Umm, I'm not sure, let me see. I'm loking at the plug and it's got pins sticking out of it."
"And does it have any compatibility issues with XP?"
"Umm, no. We haven't had any issues with it."
"Huh. You sound like you're not sure. What kind of unit do you hook it up to usually?"
"Well, just ... the wall, I guess."
"Yeah, but what kind of computer do you normally use with it?"
"Umm, I'm not the one who uses it. (Cheryl? Cheryl? Can you ask her what she connects the projector to? What kind of computer. What kind.) She says she just hooks it up to the wall and it works."


I hung up with more than a little nagging doubt. The plug has pins sticking out of it? I was going to be in the area later that day anyway, so I dropped in to make sure what kind of network I'd have to hack into to get it to work. What I found was this:




I laughed so hard I had to wipe the tears away to see the offended look on her face.

cycoivan 11,330 11
09/17/2009 08:01 AM

Oh, you said the dumbest thing that has ever happened to me at work. Not the dumbest thing I have ever done at work.

It works either way. In my own story I was guilty of a little dumbassery myself.

You make me feel so Ravos 63,472 21
09/17/2009 10:11 AM

I got hired on as a manager at Lowe's after getting home from failing at the Navy.

...

it was complete bullShakespeare, but Lowe's has a tendency to suck the soul out of the people who've worked there too long.

So that's what the kids are calling it these days?

I guess it's as good a way to get a job as any.

You make me feel so Ravos 63,472 21
09/17/2009 10:13 AM

Door Hinge Doesn't rhyme, unless you have an accent I have never heard that does not pronounce the 'h'.

The British, and probably Aussies.

If you think that's bad, at least they aren't the french. They pronounce the letter 'h' on words which don't have it. Like the Hinternet.

Madness 4,366 10
09/17/2009 10:25 AM

Just about everything that's written here.

cycoivan 11,330 11
09/17/2009 10:59 AM

Like the Hinternet.

What said Hinternet might look like:



Sacre bleu! Le 'umanity!

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
09/17/2009 11:07 AM

Bill's copper stealing story reminds me of something that happened to my friend Anita Lottathings. Anita was an IT person at a university, as was her boyfriend-at-the-time. They were disgruntled employees and he had a coke habit, and so, inevitably, they planned a heist. And equally inevitably, they got caught, fired and arrested.

It was Anita's first felony charge, and she was relatively young, white and pretty, and was able to bargain it down to a misdemeanor and got off with a fine and community service. The prosecutors somehow arranged for her community service to be filling in for the IT person for their office, who was out on disability.

Long story short, the person never came back from disability leave and they offered her the job. Full-time, state pension and benefits, fat salary. Much fatter than the university was giving her. And I thought crime wasn't supposed to pay.

CaptainDoctorJordan 17 4
09/17/2009 02:09 PM

For the latter half of August last year. I decided that working as a mover would net me some decent back-to-school $.
The Good: People watch helplessly as us 'professionals' mangle their precious belongings about the room. Then, they'd give us money, plus tip.
The Bad: While unloading small boxes into some happy couples' new home one afternoon, I had an urge to use the restroom, a lot.
The Ugly: Of course, the toilet flooded. Someone had kindly left some toilet paper on the roll, but where was the bloody plunger?!! I ran downstairs and hollered for my partner. We bolted into the living room and began destroying boxes in search of the damned thing, while 'nightmare' water began to come down the stairs. It stopped on its own after awhile.

Despite my profuse apologies, spending their first night in their new home battling a tidal wave of my, well... I guess the happy couple said some things to my boss. No more job.

Yuoaman 123 6
10/05/2009 11:00 AM

My... my name is Nick Burns...

Dr. Shempenstein's Monster 22,222 17
10/05/2009 11:31 AM

I had a boss once who swore up and down that a Cottonmouth (water moccasin)
was called a cottonmouth because it had cotton in it's mouth.



I asked, so where does the snake get the cotton?

She said they pick it like everybody else.