cycoivan 9,128 6
09/18/2009 06:24 PM

I'm in almost the same boat. My oldest is 5 and in kindergarten, the middle one is 3 and a handful, and the youngest is -6 weeks. My oldest one is already screaming about how much she hates us, the middle is screaming for attention, and the youngest is kicking my wife and making her pee a lot.

Please tell me it gets better from here.....p-p-p-please!

You make me feel so Ravos 34,447 10
09/18/2009 06:24 PM

There are times, after hearing some horror teenage daughter stories, that I feel I should lock my daughters in a cage in the basement and never let them out.


Meh, it's been done.

KChikita Banana Box 50,447 11
09/18/2009 06:27 PM

I put rocks in my sister's bed once. I also hid her bike so she couldn't follow me and my friends, put toothpaste in her underwear, and kicked her in the mouth while wearing a roller-skate (granted, I was trying to kick my roller-skate OVER her head).

That's all I can remember at the moment. But you're in for it. Girls are mean as Shakespeare.

Mighty Kind 7,210 7
09/18/2009 07:10 PM

I'm raising 3 daughters myself, 12, 10, and 8. Constant fighting over whatever they can think of to fight about, trying to be fair while also trying to let the oldest take more responsibilities, and trying to keep your wife sane through it all are only a few of the challenges you face.

Raising boys, you only have one little pecker to worry about. With girls, you worry about every little pecker in town.

I haven't even reached the rough part yet. They are going to be 13, 15 and 17 soon so I have purchased an AK-47(semi-auto) to clean when their suitors come to call.

Hopefully, looking like this won't hurt either.

That's me. My daughters are much better looking.

dasypy gal 5,743 7
09/18/2009 08:04 PM

Delicate, yet cunning psychological warfare worked for me.

If she is wearing something too revealing to go out in, don't say, "I will not have my daughter dress like a slut!" No, no, no.

You say, "Aw, that's such a cute outfit. Too bad your're PMSing and retaining water. Yeah, it kinda shows. Oh, well. It's your life. I'm sure your friends are too nice to talk behind your back."


I have successfully (?) raised a girl who will turn 27 next month, is a forensic accountant, AND is closing on her first house this afternoon!

Good luck to you!

peoriagrace 5,962 9
09/18/2009 08:53 PM

I took in my twin nieces when they were 12. Let me tell you; extremely difficult to deal with. While your girls are little be sure to soak in all their cuteness. Once they are in their teens you'll need to be able to remember how cute they used to be..

One story about inappropriate clothing. One niece wanted to wear thong underware. This was durring the time everyone girl that could, would show off her whale tail. I said ne no. She countered that she didn't want panty lines. I suggested she go commando. Ewwww gross she said. I relented with the stipulation, no whale tail. She promised she wouldn't. I of course didn't believe her. I waited. Couple weeks I found a note in her pants I was about to wash. Some guy was talking indepth about her thong. I took away her thongs.

A few days later I rechecked her room(you need to be thorough pull everthing out and look under and behind it all) and found a couple stashes of thongs. So I did the most anonying punishment I could think of. I cut up all the thongs I could find into little pieces. Too small to resew. I then arranged them so you could not tell they were cut up.



She was none to happy with this surprise. She started borrowing her friends thongs; (so gross) I checked all her bags too. These I would cut up the same way. Her friends quit lending her underware.

KChikita Banana Box 50,447 11
09/18/2009 09:00 PM

Awesome.

dasypy gal 5,743 7
09/18/2009 09:15 PM

One niece wanted to wear thong underware

Sorry PG

underware?

Like a household good:

Hardware
silverware
plasticware (my family's choice of dinnerware)

ware oh ware has my little dog gone? (Hit by a truck and squished.)

Try, where are my underwear? There? By the houseware?

KthxGby

PS. Happy day after your B-day. Glad you got over your pig flu

Dogs Akimbo 158,780 11
09/18/2009 09:22 PM

If you both weren't such n000bs, you would know that, here, it's spelled Underwhere?.

dasypy gal 5,743 7
09/18/2009 09:28 PM

Thanks for the correction.

*rolls over onto my back and assumes the submissive position*

peoriagrace 5,962 9
09/18/2009 09:37 PM

Ah craptastic. I meant undergarments. Does that skirt the issue?

Dogs Akimbo 158,780 11
09/18/2009 09:42 PM

Listen, I'm just kidding. Whistler is the old guy who worries about spelling and grammar. I'm the one who still drinks.

Disco Bob 2,239 5
09/18/2009 10:51 PM

I have purchased an AK-47(semi-auto) to clean when their suitors come to call.

Don't be cleaning the gun, just have the gun somewhere prominently displayed. If it's broken down they know they have a running start before you can reassemble and load it.

I are Nipples 2,137 5
09/19/2009 03:32 AM

That's me. My daughters are much better looking.

Shakespeare also smells much better than rotten vagina. That doesn't mean it smells good though.

Professor Fucksock 1,080 3
09/19/2009 03:54 AM

Lock them in the basement? Good luck with that Mr. Fritzl.

Mielke 1,438 3
09/19/2009 04:54 AM

I plan on just talking to my girls and explaining to them the honest truth about
premarital sex.....and as a safety measure I will dye the crotch of there
underwear brown.

Whistler P. McManus 141,802 23
09/19/2009 05:03 AM

My daughter is a little angel - the joy of my life. And by the time the puberty hormones hit, if I'm still alive, I'll be too senile to care.

Randall Cleveland 43,809 9
09/19/2009 05:06 AM

I would focus on the here and now and the fact that you've posted their pictures for pedophiles everywhere to enjoy.

/Phuc

The Spit in Hospitality 979 4
09/19/2009 04:25 PM

A few standard responses to childhood puzzlers:

"All the other kids have one!"

-----------All the other kids are playing a joke on you to see if you go and get one too. If you get one, they'll know you fell for it and will laugh at you.

"But X's parents boought her a Y!"
-----------X's parents are trying to make up for the fact that they don't like her enough to spend time with her at home. I really like you, so I'm not going to buy you Y.

"I'm just going to play one more game on my Leapster before we go to school."
-----------And I'm just going to bring a lawn chair to school with us, set it up on the sidewalk in front, and put you in timeout in front of all the other kids if you don't get your butt in the car right now.

"I hate you! I hate you! You don't love me!"
-----------I'm sorry that you feel that way, but it will get better in a little while. Why don't you empty the garbage to help pass the time?

TheVelveTurd 4,931 3
09/19/2009 07:04 PM

My daughter is 13 going on antichrist so I just drink alot and say "talk to your mother".

Prof.Fantabulous 19,577 10
09/20/2009 06:53 AM

I plan on just talking to my girls and explaining to them the honest truth about
premarital sex

Me too, like how it gives you acne, reduces your bust size, and gives you the cancer.

Trae - Sleepless in Atlanta 156,239 10
09/20/2009 07:30 AM

I remember a time when no one would DARE post a picture of their kids on this board.

That being said.... I'm the Mother of a 15yr old girl and a 7wk little boy. My husband is 28 and I'm almost 42. You should see the looks that we get when we all go out together. I'm also in the state with the 10th highest rate of teenage pregnancy....basically what I'm getting at here is .. .make sure there aren't any holes in the shed you lock your daughters in.

A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 9,811 9
09/21/2009 04:39 AM

I have a 3-month-old girl myself. She's an angel though. I'll probably do to her what my mother did to me when I hit puberty: grab the medical textbook and open the bookmarked section on STD's with graphic images of rotten crotches. I was out of high school before I finally got the nerve to try sex, without those grotesque pictures in my head. As an added bonus, Mother whipped out the book before every school dance until my senior prom, just to make sure I wasn't going to make her a grandma anytime soon.

And I have no worries about boys. I have rifle trophies that say I can shoot them in the eye socket from 200 yards if I really wanted to, military insensitivity training to keep me from feeling remorseful about killing a 15 year old boy, and lots of bleach, tarp, duct tape, cinder-blocks, plastic sheeting, rope, glue-guns, a hammer, and a big truck to carry all the evidence removal equipment out to White Rock Lake.

Mielke 1,438 3
09/21/2009 04:50 AM

That being said.... I'm the Mother of a 15yr old girl and a 7wk little boy. My husband is 28 and I'm almost 42. You should see the looks that we get when we all go out together. I'm also in the state with the 10th highest rate of teenage pregnancy....basically what I'm getting at here is .. .make sure there aren't any holes in the shed you lock your daughters in.


Holy Shakespeare Trae is Demi Moore,Sorry to hear about your friend Patrick.
I bet Ashton cant make pottery like Patrick.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
09/21/2009 06:38 PM

How are you feeling Trae? Any sleep yet? I hope your baby is doing good; and I don't mean your husband.

Shell Belle 31,490 9
09/22/2009 12:24 AM

I have a 3-month-old girl myself. She's an angel though.

I thought my daughter was pretty easy to take care of. And then I had a boy. My son is so calm and easygoing. And my daughter, well, she is not.

I remember all of the times my mom used to tell me, "Someday you're going to have a daughter that acts just like you! And when you do, I am going to laugh and laugh!"

And I used to say back, "No, I won't! I'm going to be a better mom than you are. My daughter will never act like that."


Turns out my mom was right. Damn her.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
09/24/2009 11:49 AM

Hey Lobstah I hope your baby is doing good too. Being a new parent has your baby done anyhting that frightens you? Like spike a fever; or weird noises. Shoot poop at you from accross the room?

A B C Easy as 1 2 Lobstah 9,811 9
09/24/2009 11:13 PM

She makes weird squeaky noises when she sleeps. But I talk in my sleep, so I just assumed it was the equivalent in baby-speak. And she's teething too, so she has a fairly consistent low-grade fever, like 99.8. My mom, a pediatric nurse, and her pediatrician both said that it was OK though.

She's doing very well, PG. Thank you for asking. She goes for her second round of shots in 3 weeks! I got her ears pierced too. She has little CZ flower earrings in right now. But they should be healed enough to change them out for Halloween week. She has a different themed outfit for every day that week. Dressing her up takes me back to my Barbie days.....

PorterHouse Steak 444 1
09/29/2009 03:47 PM

Well last night, my one year old figured out how to pull herself up onto a table that we have next to our front door. This is the table that we put all of our keys and since I am a smoker, I place my cigarettes on the table as well.

So my youngest daughter pulled herself onto the table last night and got a hold of my cigarettes and keys. She dumped all of my cigarettes onto the floor, broke a few, and ate half of one. After that, she decided to chew/suck on the car remote for MY car, and now the remote doesn't work, and after she ate half of one of my cigarettes, she was bouncing off the walls all night.

Needless to say that I didn't get much sleep last nigh since she likes to slap me in the face while I am sleeping.

Chix is in da house 238,150 14
09/29/2009 05:22 PM

My fifteen year old daughter confused the accelerator for the brake the other day and drove a BMW through a fence and onto the railroad tracks.

And then had the gall to say, "But I'm not THAT bad a driver."

Also I had to send her back to her room twice this morning to change clothes because she is "retaining water". I love that, btw.

Bean 4,408 13
09/30/2009 10:04 AM

Needless to say that I didn't get much sleep last nigh since she likes to slap me in the face while I am sleeping.

No wonder she likes to slap you in the face, you let her run around and eat cigarettes while you're sleeping. Even SHE knows that she needs supervision!

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,330 0
09/30/2009 10:12 AM

You know it's going to be a rough week when your daughter shows up hours late for her family birthday party with a box of DVD's from her 'new employer'.

Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,330 0
09/30/2009 10:15 AM

18th birthday, that is. Damn, I suck at trying to be funny.

PorterHouse Steak 444 1
09/30/2009 03:18 PM

OH! the Reverend's Daughter's 18th birthday.....I think I saw that on HBO the other night....or was that skin-a-max. Did anyone else see that besides me?