Write Like Maddox: Write Like Maddox: You Made Live Suck, and So Did Your Uncle
A comedy article
by Whistler P. McManus  186,130  44
09/22/2009 09:34 AM 1081 views
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For those of you who haven't been here for very long, before there was a ZuG Live, there used to be a site called GAB on Zug. GAB on Zug was a simple message board where people started threads and posted replies. Threads, by the way were a form of posting that predated Comedy Conversations.
Now there are a lot of people who remember GAB through rose-colored glasses, and talk about how great it was and how much ZuGLive sucks in comparison. And I'm not going to argue with that, but I'm not going to agree with it either, because the only thing worse than a whiny baby who can't accept change is an optimist who thinks they can argue them out of it.
What I will say, though, is that there have been ups and downs throughout the entire history of the site and its many incarnations. There have been times when superstar posters cracked us up with their witty repartee on a daily basis, and there have been weeks that passed like a ship in the doldrums, with nary a breeze of humor. And I always have hopes that another new golden age of comedy will come, but THIS IS NOT IT.
Between the horrible spelling and grammar, the petty bickering, the useless and unfunny posts and the general decline in the quality of "Comedy Conversations" around here, I am disgusted.
I hereby declare that the moratorium on n00b abuse to be a failure. I can see why we should make exceptions for those who write well and contribute to the funny, or at least make an effort to, but the rest of these losers we should not have to tolerate.
This is not your middle-school cafeteria. It's not AOL. This is supposed to be a site for grown-ups. With functioning brains. If you can't write, DON'T TRY TO WRITE! Try reading. It's a good way to learn to write. If you don't think there's anything funny to read here, and you can't contribute properly yourself, GO THE Frost AWAY!
The fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend/boss/mother/uncle is a vaguely tolerated regular here does not mean that you necessarily belong here as well. If you don't like the humor, can't stand the heat and aren't funny, then leave. No one will be trying to steal your man/woman or your job, and no one but me and possibly the Mailman will be trying to get a blowjob from your mother while you're not looking. Okay, Pubah will, but no one ever blows him. Not even your mother.
Yes, we have always had bad apples here, but we were able to either beat them into submission or chase them away. Now we're overrun with them, and we're supposed to smile and take it. Well Frost that. If they're not going to make the slightest effort to be funny and readable, I'm not going to take it. The gloves are coming off. And another kind of glove is going on. And I'm buying an industrial-sized vat of Crisco.
Not me. Really.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
21 votes
4.5
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Reverend Dave Rodriguez 2,413  0
09/22/2009 10:30 PM
I agree about the no noob bashing. I think John got rid of it because that was one of the crappier things I used to see while lurking, all these old timers noob bashing and acting like they were so superior, only as a cover for having absolutely nothing of funny value to say. And they would get massive clicks when they were not even funny from the other unfunny old people.
It was lame, but sometimes it is and was well deserved. I think Hammerhead is a tard, but his rants were pretty damn good sometimes.
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.4
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Dogs Akimbo 211,609 32
09/22/2009 10:50 PM
Both you n00bs can shut the Frost up.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.2
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Dogs Akimbo 211,609 32
09/22/2009 10:50 PM
I mean, Contribute an Article!
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0 votes
0.0
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Ravos the Nothingmaster 63,472 21
09/23/2009 07:13 AM
Buying crisco and calling up Declan?
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Phuc 237,919 21
09/23/2009 08:14 AM
Sixth to post!
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0 votes
0.0
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cycoivan 11,330 11
09/23/2009 03:24 PM
It's a polarizing issue. On one hand, if you can't stand being abused like the noob you are, then you won't really find a lot of humor in the rest of the site. On the other hand, if all you do is bash noobs because you can't think of anything funny to say on your own then you're Frost-ing stupid.
Maybe the site can be recoded so that your avatar shows up as a cherry until you get X number of zugs. Until then, everyone gets to try and bust your cherry. It would then serve to weed out the funny germ from the unfunny chaff.
I don't know why everyone gets their balls in an uproar over a little hazing anyways. If I could paraphrase Dennis Miller:
"Don't let them know that they've rattled you. You should be able to take that joke right in the solar plexus, get up and fire up that weedwhacker of a brain and fire right back. If you get bested, you go home, sharpen your verbal machete, and get ready for the next thicket."
So, feel free to bash me if you want, but I'll feel free to fire back
What's funny is that I don't really feel like a noob. I've been reading this site and the occasional thread on GAB for years now. I've only signed up for my own account this month for the proverbial Shakespeares n' giggles.
There's supposed to be something funny here, isn't there? Um....penis? I got nothin' right now.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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I are Nipples 2,207 7
09/23/2009 03:37 PM
You were funnier when you were lurking cycoivan.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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cycoivan 11,330 11
09/23/2009 04:05 PM
Funny you should mention that, as you were the reason I stopped lurking. I figured if this nipples person could make it on ZugLive and still be painfully unfunny, I could make it too.
See? Isn't this fun?
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Madness 4,366 10
09/23/2009 06:53 PM
I can feel the angst ridden nostalgia, but not so much the funny or the Maddox.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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I are Nipples 2,207 7
09/24/2009 11:16 AM
Funny you should mention that, as you were the reason I stopped lurking. I figured if this nipples person could make it on ZugLive and still be painfully unfunny, I could make it too.
See? Isn't this fun?
Touche.
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0 votes
0.0
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cycoivan 11,330 11
09/24/2009 12:00 PM
Touche
This verbal sparring can be good for the site. According to my clickies, it's the funniest thing I've done in the last 3 days.
I still think noobs should be put through the grinder until they're calloused and salty like the rest of the vets, but that's just me.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
09/24/2009 01:00 PM
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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0 votes
0.0
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piemaster 12,538 15
10/28/2010 08:28 PM
Take it to HoB!
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