The No Handguns Experiment, Part 2
A comedy article
by Clive McClure  922  3
09/28/2009 09:53 PM 4168 views
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[If you're just joining us, Read Part 1 here.]
NO HANDGUNS EXPERIMENT #2: LUCKY WOK
My next victim was an opportunity of coincidence. The Lucky Wok was a Chinese restaurant situated in a strip mall across from the McDonald's strip mall. Stereotypes aside, I bravely forged ahead with this sign.
Yes, Mr. Miyagi scares me with his fly-catching chopsticks of death.
I had no desire to eat Chinese food on top of four McDonald's hamburgers, so I changed the caller ID on my phone to "Anonymous" and gave Lucky Wok a ling-a-ring.
Now, I have a strong understanding of Japanese and Chinese, including dialects. Japanese people tend to have a difficult time with the R's and the L's in the English language. Chinese people typically do not.
So I called as a Japanese man.
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello, Lucky Wok, can you hold please?"
Hold time without me agreeing to hold. Strike one.
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello, Lucky Wok, thank you for holding, delivery?"
The voice was angelic. My nuptials moved a bit as I sat there fondling my phone. Ball one-two.
CLIVE: "Ah, ah, ano, ato, shinto, HERRO!"
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello."
CLIVE: "HERRO - I ah, ah, carr Rucky a Wok? Thisa Rucky Wok?"
LUCKY GIRL: "Yes, Lucky Wok, is this a delivery?"
CLIVE: "I have selious question about Rucky Wok prace of bijinesu. I was warking to Rucky Wok Rocation and view sign of Mr. Miyagi."
LUCKY GIRL: "I'm sorry, is this a delivery?"
CLIVE: "NO! I saw Mista Miyagi sign, who saying No Mista Miyagi. I am Mista Morita not Mista Miyagi, no Mista Miyagi, [slowing down] so I ask you if I cannot come in Wok. Mista Morita, no Mista Miyagi. You undastando?"
[Confusion and mumbling in the distance.]
From the looks of business, they don't seem too lucky.
BLIAN: "Hello, Lucky Wok, this is Brian, how can I help you?"
CLIVE: "Blian?"
BLIAN: "Uh ... yes, this is Brian, how can I help you?"
CLIVE: "Blian? I see Mista Miyagi, no Mista Miyagi sign in bedloom window of Rucky a Wok and make a sule that I no not AROW to come inside of Rucky Wok prace."
BLIAN: "No sir, we don't have a sign like that, so please feel free to stop by. Thank you."
CLIVE: "Matte yo. [I add some authentic Japanese for effect] I justa see sign of Mista Miyagi on bedloom window warr." [I struggle to hold a laugh and cough it off.]
BLIAN: "No sir, we do not have a sign, please stop by. I have to answer several calls and will be happy to take care of you when you arrive. Thank you, goodbye."
Blian hung up. What a great sport.
With eight signs left, I had plenty of work to get done in a short amount of time.
Next: FedEx Orifice!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1843627
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0 votes
0.0
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John Hargrave 116,612  19
09/28/2009 09:55 PM
"Bedloom window."
This one is still cracking me up.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1843632
Ravos the Nothingmaster 34,337 10
09/28/2009 10:29 PM
Me rikey. Me rikey a rot.
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0 votes
0.0
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cycoivan 9,009 6
09/29/2009 01:30 AM
Never tlust the Japanese ren it comes to Engrish.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Whistler P. McManus 141,410 23
09/29/2009 02:19 AM
Part I was awesome. Part II is going to make Uncle Al angry. I don't like it when Uncle Al is angry.
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 5,962 9
09/29/2009 03:24 AM
I do; it's like poking a bear with a stick. Just have to make sure of a good get away.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Bill the Squirrel 25,504 8
09/29/2009 06:00 AM
Al won't care. He's too busy playing the deliverance music down there by the river.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1843725
Ravos the Nothingmaster 34,337 10
09/29/2009 05:36 PM
I do; it's like poking a bear with a stick. Just have to make sure of a good get away.
I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.
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