[If you're just joining us, Read Part 1 here.]
NO HANDGUNS EXPERIMENT #2: LUCKY WOK
My next victim was an opportunity of coincidence. The Lucky Wok was a Chinese restaurant situated in a strip mall across from the McDonald's strip mall. Stereotypes aside, I bravely forged ahead with this sign.
Yes, Mr. Miyagi scares me with his fly-catching chopsticks of death.
I had no desire to eat Chinese food on top of four McDonald's hamburgers, so I changed the caller ID on my phone to "Anonymous" and gave Lucky Wok a ling-a-ring.
Now, I have a strong understanding of Japanese and Chinese, including dialects. Japanese people tend to have a difficult time with the R's and the L's in the English language. Chinese people typically do not.
So I called as a Japanese man.
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello, Lucky Wok, can you hold please?"
Hold time without me agreeing to hold. Strike one.
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello, Lucky Wok, thank you for holding, delivery?"
The voice was angelic. My nuptials moved a bit as I sat there fondling my phone. Ball one-two.
CLIVE: "Ah, ah, ano, ato, shinto, HERRO!"
LUCKY GIRL: "Hello."
CLIVE: "HERRO - I ah, ah, carr Rucky a Wok? Thisa Rucky Wok?"
LUCKY GIRL: "Yes, Lucky Wok, is this a delivery?"
CLIVE: "I have selious question about Rucky Wok prace of bijinesu. I was warking to Rucky Wok Rocation and view sign of Mr. Miyagi."
LUCKY GIRL: "I'm sorry, is this a delivery?"
CLIVE: "NO! I saw Mista Miyagi sign, who saying No Mista Miyagi. I am Mista Morita not Mista Miyagi, no Mista Miyagi, [slowing down] so I ask you if I cannot come in Wok. Mista Morita, no Mista Miyagi. You undastando?"
[Confusion and mumbling in the distance.]
From the looks of business, they don't seem too lucky.
BLIAN: "Hello, Lucky Wok, this is Brian, how can I help you?"
CLIVE: "Blian?"
BLIAN: "Uh ... yes, this is Brian, how can I help you?"
CLIVE: "Blian? I see Mista Miyagi, no Mista Miyagi sign in bedloom window of Rucky a Wok and make a sule that I no not AROW to come inside of Rucky Wok prace."
BLIAN: "No sir, we don't have a sign like that, so please feel free to stop by. Thank you."
CLIVE: "Matte yo. [I add some authentic Japanese for effect] I justa see sign of Mista Miyagi on bedloom window warr." [I struggle to hold a laugh and cough it off.]
BLIAN: "No sir, we do not have a sign, please stop by. I have to answer several calls and will be happy to take care of you when you arrive. Thank you, goodbye."
Blian hung up. What a great sport.
With eight signs left, I had plenty of work to get done in a short amount of time.
Next: FedEx Orifice!
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