The No Handguns Experiment, Part 4
A comedy article
by Clive McClure | 09/29/2009 04:53 PM | 3393 views
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[If you're just joining us, read the story of how this experiment began.]
NO HANDGUNS EXPERIMENT #4: BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO
I honestly hate Blockbuster, but that's neither here nor a hairball from a cat. I place my sign:
A point of clarification here: A trebuchet is basically a catapult with a strap-on. It swings harder and goes longer.
There are just too many people swarming around the Blockbuster, so I scrap the usual humping attempt and casually stroll back to my car after taking this picture:
I call Blockbuster and the phone rings about 25 times, then blasts the familiar fax sound in my ear. I hang up angry but use my keen intellect to notice an Applebees across the parking lot. Great. I search their number and give them a call.
LOVELY: Thanks for calling Applebee's, how can I help you?
CLIVE: [Southern accent, most likely Texas] Hey lovely lady, and I'm assuming you're a lady but you never quite know these days.
LOVELY: [Giggles a bit]
CLIVE: Let me ask you somethin' darlin', and don't be shy answerin'. Do you happen to know the number of the Blockbuster across the street there?
LOVELY: No, I have no idea what their number is.
CLIVE: Well, I'm not from around here you see, and I just figured the two of you share a parking lot and figured you two-un be doing some business together.
LOVELY: No sir, I don't have that number and have...
CLIVE: Well young lady, you see I was walking up there the other night to rent one of those D...V...D movies for me an' the wife there, and I saw a sign that just perplexed the livin' daylight outta me.
LOVELY: Sir, I have no idea what that number is. [Now she's a laughing a bit so I start imagining my dog getting run over by a car so I don't break out laughing myself.]
CLIVE: Well, youngin, I guess I need to drive my old '68 Ford on up to the Blockbuster there an ask 'em mysef. You've been kind and if you were a bit older, I'd give the kids your age a run fer their money.
We exchange minor pleasantries and mutually hang up. "Sum a beech," I say to myself. Well, Blockbuster will have to find out about their new "No Trebuchet" policy the hard way. I was moving on.
Next: Who Doesn't Love Midgets?
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.0
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Ravos the Nothingmaster
09/29/2009 05:11 PM
A trebuchet is a cop-out. It also qualifies under the medeival weapons sign.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.6
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Ravos the Nothingmaster
09/29/2009 05:15 PM
Although since you already started, for the next part you should begin setting up a trebuchet in their parking lot.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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PorterHouse Steak
09/29/2009 05:15 PM
Lame....I was really hoping that you would get someone on the phone that could understand what you were talking about (unlike the chinese restaurant bit). I mean it is a great prank idea, but it is lacking in the funny department since you haven't gotten a hold of someone that will actually go outside and check the sign that you put up.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Madness
09/29/2009 05:21 PM
May not have gone 100% as planned, but still funny.
I vote you try again in the near future and insist if they do not let you bring your trebuchet indoors, you will rain burning hell down upon their store with it.
You may need to be wearing chainmail at the time of the threat for them to believe you.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Chix is in da house
09/29/2009 05:23 PM
you have to go to the Applebees and put up a "No Pieces of Flair" sign.
HAVE. TO.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Ravos the Nothingmaster
09/29/2009 05:30 PM
I vote you try again in the near future and insist if they do not let you bring your trebuchet indoors, you will rain burning hell down upon their store with it.
I am guessing you have no idea how big a trebuchet is. It really could not fit into a blockbuster.
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Madness
09/29/2009 05:39 PM
I am guessing you have no idea how big a trebuchet is. It really could not fit into a blockbuster.
Oh, I know exactly how big one is.
That just gives the threat that much more substance.
"Get a bigger door, or you'll get a bigger skylight"
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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cycoivan
09/29/2009 06:12 PM
How about a no douchebag frat boy sign on the local bar? Your sign would be a dude with a tribal tat and a backwards cap. Then call and start screaming "Why are ya discriminating against me bro!?"
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Ravos the Nothingmaster
09/29/2009 06:22 PM
Then when the police show up, he can ask them politely to not taze him, bro.
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0 votes
0.0
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Dolly P.
10/02/2009 02:53 PM
D.V.D's? I have never meet an elderly person who doesn't call them V.D.V's
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0 votes
0.0
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Just Ravos
10/02/2009 03:24 PM
"You whipper snappers and your danged V-H-S and Floppy Discs!"
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