You're probably wondering why the Frost I'm even bothering to submit an article on this with only two days left. First of all I'm a procrastinator, which you should have figured out if you only had read the Frost-ing title. Secondly, I'm Frost-ing awesome. If my article spent 30 days on ZUG, the servers would die from exhaustion like the time I Frosted your mom and sister in the ass.
So let me get to the point of the matter: procrastination/laziness and why it's a good thing.
Let's say at your Shakespearety job, you get paid X dollars an hour to do a certain amount of work. It doesn't matter what kind of work it is (unless you're a chick and it's giving blow jobs, in which case you get your ass over here now and feast on the biggest Coleridge you've ever seen). As it is, your job Frost-ing sucks (especially blow job lady) and all you want to do to numb your brain by Frost-ing around on the net maybe reading some mind-blowing articles by yours truly or if you’re really desperate there’s that ZUG website. The next thing you know your douchebag-thinks-he's-better-than-you-because-he-went-to-a-3rd-rate-community-college boss comes in and wants to give you more work to do. You like getting paid, so you tell that Frosttard yeah you'll do it. He gives you 30 days to do it. So do you get started on it right away?
Frost NO!!! What are you, a Frost-ing retard? Let me spell this out for you. You are already underpaid for what you do. That's how these Coleridgegobbling companies make their green. Then after they've already underpaid you and given you a horror story of how bad the economy is and how Frost-ing lucky you should be to even work there, they have the balls to try and drop more work on you. That’s a lot of balls, but you know what? Mine are bigger.
Furthermore, if you are a brown nosing douchebag and get it done early, what do they reward you with? More Frost-ing work. So essentially you're getting paid the same, you're getting no extra benefits, they know they can work you like a horse, and there's no Frost-ing way in hell you're getting a promotion or a raise. You know what they call that where I come from? A Mexican. You don’t want to be a Frost-ing Mexican do you?
So what do you do? Well, that's what your old pal Maddox is here to lay out for you. First of all you don't get Frost-ing started on that Shakespeare until 2 days before it's due. If you're supposed to be giving status reports, keep it as vague as possible. Be sure to throw in some business buzzwords like 'paradigm' and 'reaching consensus', bosses love that Shakespeare because they actually Frost-ing think they know what it means. The jizz that drips on the floor after I Frost your girlfriend is smarter than your boss.
Then if you can comfortably get it done in 2 days, do the work but stall on the actual product. Try and stretch it out for another month. While you're at it, claim that you're overworked and try to work it for a raise or at least less time spent on your "core" duties. Then spend that time off Frost-ing the boss's son or daughter (depending on which way you swing). If it really will take you 30 days to do the work, make them stretch it for 4 months.
Finally when you have to present it, make sure you piss and moan about what a pain in the ass it was and how they (and their wives) should be worshipping your massive sack (in my case) that you sacrificed so much to do it. At best you can parlay that into a raise; at worst maybe they'll work you less. Either way they won't ever ask you to do anything important ever again while still paying you, and that Frost-ing rules, although not as much as I do. And if you don’t like it, go Frost yourself, or better yet let me do it and you won’t walk straight for a week.
Yeah, there's no pictures either, but I don't Frost-ing care. You are not Frost-ing good enough for me to put pictures in.
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