[If you're just joining us, read the story of how this experiment began.]
NO HANDGUNS EXPERIMENT #7: DOG DENTIST
Sadly, my idea of sticking a "No Wizards" sign on the door of the Dungeons and Dragons shop did not work out too well -- the Comic Book Guy removed it before I could even take a picture.
I cast a +5 curse of swearing upon him and moved onto the next stunt.
Of the top ten weapons that scare me, three-legged dogs are near the top. Growing up in Kansas invariably meant there would be a three-legged dog somewhere in the neighborhood. As children, we'd tease the dog only to have the three-legged wonder chase us with unbridled speed. Fortunately, I had several fat friends, so I usually got away.
In honor of the three-legged neighborhood dog, I printed this sign (adding the three-legged man as a precautionary measure):
Then I found this lovely business.
"What luck!" I said to myself, as I taped the sign up while sweating out a few beers from the night before. They weren't open yet, so the call would have to wait until the next day.
I actually felt a tinge of badness as I drove home that night, thinking about some poor old lady with a gimpy dog who would be offended and take Muffy to another doggie dentist. "Then again, this doggone foo foo shop deserves some fun," I said aloud to the beat of the Hannah Montana song playing in my car.
I called the next morning, using my lovely flaming voice of gayity for this stunt. No offense to the gay, but it is a fact that gay people are usually funnier.
DOG DENTIST: Thank you for...
CLIVE: Yes, how are you sweetie? We haven't talked in so long. How's Bobby?
DOG DENTIST: Companion Animal Dentistry, how can I help you?
CLIVE: Claurice? Are you at work, hun? It's me, silly.
DOG DENTIST: Sir, I believe you have the wrong number.
CLIVE: Who is this?
DOG DENTIST: This is Sherry at Companion Animal Dentistry.
CLIVE: Oh, now I remember why I have your phone number. Yes, I was walking on my way to the bar that is right next to your shop and I saw your sign and was mildly offended but more inquisitive about what that sign meant.
DOG DENTIST: Which sign are you referring to, sir?
CLIVE: For starters, I have to be completely honest with you, sweetie. I don't have a dog but I felt compelled to talk to you about this matter. So, there I was, walking past your door and I saw THE SIGN. It said you don't take three-legged dogs. While that's strange in its own sense and smell, and I'm guessing you got bit in the cho cho or something, what's the meaning of the three-legged man thing?
DOG DENTIST: That was a prank sir, that sign was taken down this morning.
CLIVE: That's good to hear, because I was starting to think you had some personal vendetta against John Holmes or something.
DOG DENTIST: No sir, the sign has been taken down. Have a good day.
CLIVE: I will!
DOG DENTIST: [Hangs up]
Well, I was amusing myself, anyway. On to the final stunt!
Next: The World's Most Dangerous Weapon!
|
|
922 
3 
Share on your site:
5,692 
7
