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Well it's another day at a boring dead end job and I have nothing better to do than look on Zug at all the other funny people (since I'm not funny and write huge text walls). Anyways, I felt like posting up the story of how my life got turned upside-down in just a few months. Now, I know there already is a challenge of "dumb Shakespeare you did as a kid" or something like that, but this story is the "dumb Shakespeare I did as an adult", so let's get down to business, and feel free to bash on me as you see fit.
My first mistake was to join the Army just 15 days after my 18th birthday, not that the Army is bad, but that's where my chain of mistakes started. Anyhow, after all the training and a few other duty stations, I found out that I was to be stationed in Hawaii. Awesome, I though, I'm going to have a blast in Hawaii! WRONG! Now Hawaii was fun for about a week, until I was told that I would be leaving to go to Iraq in about 2 weeks. So needless to say that I didn't get to do too much while I was in Hawaii at first, however I did manage to hook up with the wrong people and get some really GREAT weed. Unfortunately I got caught just before I left for Iraq. So I had to lose some rank and do some extra duty for a month (extra 4 hours hard labor on top of a 12 hour shift every day).
So I do my time in Iraq and finally after a 15 month tour, I get to go back to Hawaii. So I get home, and about 2 days after I get home, I get my wife knocked up a second time. After a break, I go back to my normal work schedule and notice that all my friends had now bought a motorcycle. I decide, after a lot of thinking, that I too would get a motorcycle. Gas was expensive and I didn't travel that far, so it made sense to me. So my wife and I go down to the local motorcycle dealership and I purchase a Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R, now I know it's only a 600, but it still moves. At this point in time I was drinking very heavily from "Stress", so of course I was drunk when they came to drop off the motorcycle at my house.
In my brilliant state of mind, I decided that I would just take the bike around the block, having never ridden one before. So the guy that drops off the bike shows me how to ride it and control it, I just hop on it like I've ridden it before. I don't remember much after that, I do know that I wasn't wearing a helmet, and I think I woke up in a room while I was laying on my side with a lot of people wearing blue run around me and then I started throwing up. After that all I know is that I woke up 2 days later in the ICU, I was NOT happy! I felt like a Frost-ing pin cushion with all the tubes running in and out of me. I was strapped to the bed and had a neck brace on, so I start yelling for someone to come let me out. The nurse came running in and I proceeded to tell her to "Frost-ing un-strap me right the Frost now or I would beat the Shakespeare out of her." She wasn't too happy with me for the next few days that I was in there.
Come to find out, since I wasn't wearing a helmet, I ended up fracturing my skull and had to have brain surgery which is probably what I remember waking up during. So after a few weeks of recovery and therapy one would think that I wouldn't get back on the motorcycle. WRONG! I did, and I was drunk again. This time though, I had my helmet on, but it didn't really matter much since I almost died again. I was going down a steep hill and it had just rained. At the bottom of the hill was a T intersection and my light was red. So I go to stop, but with the wet road, my back tire started fish-tailing. So I decided that I wouldn't be able to stop in time, so I should just run the light. Bad choice! I get to the intersection and attempt to turn left, but I was going too fast. There were two cars coming towards me from both directions and there was a light pole as well as a phone pole right in front of me, not to mention a large pineapple field just pas the phone and light pole with a 5-6 foot drop onto a dirt road.
I have no idea how this happened, but I managed to miss both cars, go right between the phone pole and the light pole which had about 4 feet clearance between the two, and somehow I landed the 5' drop onto the dirt road. So I decided that I would just follow the dirt road back to the main one and just go home. Well I managed to hit the soft dirt of the field and lay down the bike. The people that almost hit me came running over to see if I was ok, which I was but I was really shaken up. One of the people was nice enough to give me a ride back to my house, so I just left my bike in the field. After about 3 hours of being home, my commander and boss come to my house and say that I have to go down to the police station and take a breathalyzer test. So I go with them and blow a .14, after that they just take me back to my house. So again I get in trouble and lose rank, do some extra duty, bla bla bla. Anyways, I managed to piss off all the wrong people and they decided to get me out of the army when everyone that had my back was off on training for our next deployment.
So now I'm out of the military and in a boring job where I do nothing but get paid a lot of money, somehow I find enough free time to sit here on Zug and try to be funny. The really funny thing was that after about 6 months of being out of the army, one of my bosses who had helped to get me out of the military, emailed me asking if I could help him with a project that I did for him while I still worked in the army. I gladly told him to Frost off and proceeded to delete the web site that I made for him. So have I learned my lesson? Well I still ride my motorcycle (WITH a helmet on) and probably still make bad choices that I don't yet know about.
So that's how my life got flipped upside-down within just a few months and I had some fun in the process.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
7 votes
3.4
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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PorterHouse Steak 477  4
10/02/2009 02:11 PM
JOHN HARGRAVE: RUINER OF MAKING GOOD CHOICES!
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
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Just Ravos 63,472 21
10/02/2009 02:13 PM
So that's how my life got flipped upside-down...
And I'd like to take a moment just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.
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0 votes
0.0
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PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/02/2009 02:15 PM
And I'd like to take a moment just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.
oh oh oh! do tell......
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0 votes
0.0
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Just Ravos 63,472 21
10/02/2009 02:17 PM
It's actually a pretty long stoy full of loss and heart-ache. I'd really rather not get into it.
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Funny
5 votes
3.0
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
10/02/2009 02:18 PM
Here's the short version:
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
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Funny
5 votes
3.8
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cycoivan 11,330 11
10/02/2009 02:19 PM
And I'd like to take a moment just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.
Your mom made you move to Bel Air with your rich aunt and uncle because you got into a fight? Lucky Froster.
Last time I got into a fist fight, it was with my mom. But I can't talk anymore about it. The 1st rule of getting beat up by your mom is you don't talk about getting beat up by your mom.
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0 votes
0.0
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PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/02/2009 02:20 PM
Bill gets 5 orbs just for taking the time to actually look up that whole song and proceed to post it on here.
That story might be better than mine...
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0 votes
0.0
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Shell Belle 77,143 25
10/02/2009 04:11 PM
I had some fun in the process.
I'm not sure I would call a skull fracture fun, but that's just me.
Funny story. Thanks for sharing.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Analog 9,608 19
10/02/2009 04:31 PM
OMG - Looking at that BEAUTIFUL plant, it must have been worth it!!!
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/05/2009 05:58 AM
I'm not sure I would call a skull fracture fun, but that's just me.
Well besides the Chronic Headaches I get every day, and the Herniated Disk in my back that are the end result of my accident..... I get some really good pain killers that keep me HAPPY all day long...
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0 votes
0.0
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UnderWhere? 101,398 77
10/05/2009 06:05 AM
Y'all stop stealing my birthday song.
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0 votes
0.0
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PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/06/2009 06:17 AM
Y'all stop stealing my birthday song.
Happy late birthday then!
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/06/2009 07:38 AM
We all do stupid things now and then. If you do stupid things over and over, though, and they tend to be the same stupid things, then maybe, just maybe, you might be stupid.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.0
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PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/06/2009 08:30 AM
then maybe, just maybe, you might be stupid.
Well I do spend alot of time here on Zug. Does that quallify?
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0 votes
0.0
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Mielke 1,482 6
10/06/2009 08:58 AM
I give you 5 clickies not because you were fighting thw war on terror but more so because you were smart enough to buy a Zx6r.
I to have almost killed my self 2 or 3 times on my Zx6 & ZX9r....now my wife has me grounded to four wheels until I mature.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Gonzo 20,522 17
10/06/2009 09:36 AM
I didn't actually read your story at all, but from the pictures, I'd say it's probably a pretty accurate retelling of the history of WalMart through 2004.
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Store
477 
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