Nachos 57,478 23
10/04/2009 04:18 AM

Heh. The hate is strong in this one.

Now all you need to do is expand it to ignore gender criteria and take a sniper rifle to the nearest clock tower.

Bill the Squirrel 53,130 53
10/04/2009 08:20 AM

I think it sounds like someone needs tp get laid.

Millie 116,854 28
10/04/2009 08:25 AM

Aw, honey, I hear ya!

But my saying is--"hate the man, not the penis." As much as they irritate me (and it doesn't get better with age), I simply can't go lesbian.

The Aristocrat 2,850 15
10/04/2009 08:35 AM

Well, speaking as a guy, I don't think you're looking at it rationally.

You're using television programs and your experiences in bars to validate your argument.

Have you tried going to places where reasonable people hang out? Maybe you need to turn off the TV, get out of the house, and hang out with people who don't meet one of these criteria:

1) have more money than god and can say what they want with relative impunity
2) aren't imaginary
3) have more to say than: "Hey, baby - wanna Frost? No? Must be a lesbian"

Just a thought... but I'm just one of those Emerson men with a wonderful wife, two of the greatest kids I've ever met, and a well paying job - you'll probably discount my opinion as a matter of course.

The Mailman 174,473 52
10/04/2009 09:40 AM

you need to hang out with people who don't meet one of these criteria:
(...)
3) have more to say than: "Hey, baby - wanna Frost? No? Must be a lesbian"


So basically, you're saying that she should hang out with people who use that line?

Considering this person's admitted sources of influence, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually followed the advice given in this thread.
So my advice to everyone else is, stay far away from clock towers in the near future.

The Aristocrat 2,850 15
10/04/2009 10:43 AM

D'oh!

Good catch.

TheFoye 55,700 15
10/04/2009 11:29 AM

he slips a roofie in my drink. NOT to assault me

Wow, how unattractive do you have to be? No wonder you are so bitter.

Drowning Fish 222 4
10/04/2009 02:19 PM

*Well actually... I never said that any of these sources influenced me at all. In fact, some of the sources stressed the exact opposite opinion of what I have. What I said is that they'd brought the issue up recently, when in the past I rarely heard it discussed... and wow, for being a comedy site some people really can't take a joke. Don't get you panties in a wad.

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 04:01 PM

"And wow, for being a comedy site some people really can't take a joke. Don't get your panties in a wad."
Yes, because your article about how you hate men because you're too ugly even for potential rapists was side-splitting..
Methinks you're in desperate need of a wad in your panties..

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 04:16 PM

Or a weiner in your Poe...

Chance 171,220 14
10/04/2009 04:47 PM

I am so jealous. Nobody has ever cared enough about me to slip me a roofie. Ungrateful bitch.

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 04:56 PM

It takes two baby...

Dr. Shempenstein's Monster 22,212 16
10/04/2009 05:21 PM

My 24 year old neice cut's the ends off of hot dogs before she will eat them.

I asked her at one cook out why she dont eat the ends of the hot dogs.

She said because they look like the head of a penis.

I turned to her hubby and said you better go see a doctor if the head of your dick looks anything like the end of a hot dog.

The Mailman 174,473 52
10/04/2009 05:22 PM

wow, for being a comedy site some people really can't take a joke.

I am always amused at how often this argument is expressed by people as an answer to jokes made at their expense.

The Aristocrat 2,850 15
10/04/2009 05:28 PM

for being a comedy site some people really can't take a joke. Don't get you panties in a wad.

Yeah, I didn't see teh funny in your post. You come across as a bitter man hater with a big chip on your shoulder.

After reading your Tucker post, I'm even more confused.... are you a lesbian, or are you confused about your sexuality? You meet strange guys for sex in hotel rooms, then bitch when guys (who obviously read Zug) try to pick you up in a bar for an easy score.

Would you make up your mind, dammit? I can't figure out whether I'm supposed to be turned on by your lesbianism - that's my normal reaction - but I'm not sure it's appropriate in this case.

Dr. Shempenstein's Monster 22,212 16
10/04/2009 05:44 PM

I think this explains it all.


Drowning Fish's Bio:

Bio: Warning: I'm not funny, so don't laugh at anything I write. Any illusions that I might be funny are likely accompanied by a dangerous psychiatric disorder. So please, don't become another statistic.

My name is Shannon and I'm 21 years old. For some reason, I do not like crinkle-cut foods. Satan's caterer crinkle-cuts everything.

I love dogs and peanut butter, but not together. I also love cats and small babies... also not together. I love my priest and my nephew... and anyone can clearly see where I'm going with this.

PS: I'm stupid, so get used to it. Any hate mail can be sent to sum12stupid4u@yahoo.com. If you prefer to harass me in a more personal way, my yahoo messenger is the same. (You know, sum12stupid4u... dummy)

Drowning Fish 222 4
10/04/2009 06:34 PM

I never intended for what I wrote to be side-splitting... I was hoping the discussion would end up being interesting and funny. Instead, people acted like I'd just told them I was in the KKK. I *genuinely* have nothing against men, and I am a lesbian. I wasn't trying to score a date, the guy just happened to be where I was. I'd be offended at someone saying I wasn't funny if I myself had been attempting to be funny. I also don't mind jokes at my expense, but what was written by some people were equally unfunny, and not intended as jokes. A couple of people made *jokes* at my expense, and I did think it was funny. As many jokes as I've seen around here about women, I really didn't expect people to get so bent out of shape. I intended and expected for people to say something about me "needing to get laid." I even appreciated and laughed at someone saying I was bitter because I was ugly. Instead I ended up getting lectured about something that really, REALLY is not that huge of a deal. It seems like maybe I'm not the only bitter one? I was really hoping some people would make some jokes, but you're right, I certainly did make a mistake in posting this, and I knew when I posted it that it could go either way. I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it, because you're not required to like everything that someone does. Just keep in mind not to make assumptions about people when you read something they've written.

Chance 171,220 14
10/04/2009 06:46 PM

Someone slipping something into your drink is a big deal and you probably should have reported it to the police and not a comedy website.

Just sayin.

Redwing 3,656 30
10/04/2009 06:46 PM

Are you sure you were slipped a "Roofie?"

I mean, you may have just drank way too much.

DIAF 222 4
10/04/2009 07:01 PM

Actually... I didn't have a drop of alcohol the whole night, not even a sip... but I had left my water alone and went to the bathroom (like an idiot) came back, drank it, and I started feeling like I was wasted and someone said something about me slurring my speech... and I don't remember anything after that. I'm totally aware that this is the last place I should bring anything like that, but I just really needed to make it seem like it wasn't a huge deal, so I wanted for people to make jokes about it so I could have a good laugh and get over it since this is usually where I go to do that. If people make fun of it, maybe it's no huge deal. I'm terribly aware of my mistake, and 15 minutes after posting this I started feeling pretty deep regret. At the time though, I wasn't thinking. I really just needed a good laugh because I felt so bad. That's my mistake and I realize that.

cycoivan 11,324 11
10/04/2009 07:14 PM

I hate me, but I don't think that's because I have a penis. Maybe you're pissed because you don't have one. You're totally missing out on the fun. You can knock stuff over and knock stuff up (just ask my wife).

Redwing 3,656 30
10/04/2009 07:17 PM

Here, try these folks. They're into this type of thing.

DIAF 222 4
10/04/2009 07:17 PM

I almost wish I did have a penis, then maybe the lesbian thing would go over better with my protestant family.

TheFoye 55,700 15
10/04/2009 07:30 PM

and I don't remember anything after that

Just so that we are clear, you don't remember getting mouth raped through the hole in the paper bag that was over your head?

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 07:32 PM

Yeah, take it bitch...

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 07:38 PM

Bet you've never seen one that big, eh baby?

DIAF 222 4
10/04/2009 07:40 PM

Just so that we are clear, you don't remember getting mouth raped through the hole in the paper bag that was over your head?

I've been bag-free ever since I started shaving.

Redwing 3,656 30
10/04/2009 08:28 PM

I've been bag-free ever since I started shaving.


Well played Buffy, well played indeed.

DIAF 222 4
10/04/2009 08:38 PM

You meet strange guys for sex in hotel rooms, then bitch when guys (who obviously read Zug) try to pick you up in a bar for an easy score.

Actually I had just turned 18 when that happened and I said in the article that I was conflicted about it. And nah, I don't care about guys trying to pick me up for an easy score... kinda flattering if anything. I care about guys inducing amnesia with a potentially deadly drug "for an easy score." Besides, women have notoriously ambiguous sexualities. So yes, it's cool to love the lesbians! I'm no longer conflicted so you're welcome to watch.

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
10/04/2009 08:54 PM

That picture of Martha Stewart made me feel tingly in my bathing suit area.

DIAF 222 4
10/04/2009 11:45 PM

That picture of Martha Stewart made me feel tingly in my bathing suit area

ME TOO.

The Aristocrat 2,850 15
10/05/2009 06:29 AM

In that case, I'm ok being turned on by your lesbianism, as long as I can watch.

Now I'm getting all tingly in my bathing suit area.

Can I get you a drink or something?

Just Ravos 62,361 20
10/05/2009 07:16 AM

Someone slipped you a roofie? How the hell did the get a raccoon into the bar!?

Pants 14,209 17
10/05/2009 01:24 PM

And why am I such a frigid and sour bitch?


It's probably because you have finally realized that women are the real source of most of the worlds problems because of their constant practice of deceit and waste.

Deceit:
The use of makeup, perfume, padded bras, girdles, breast implants, peroxide, colored contacts, high heels, and other devices that hide your true genetic makeup has polluted the western world with your inferior genes.

Waste:
Paper towels, tampons, sanitary napkins, swiffers, disposable diapers, disposable toilet brushes, and other such tools of sloth could be replaced with one simple and easily accessible tool, the dish rag.

And exactly how many pairs of shoes, dresses, blouses, and accessories do you really need?

The manufacturing, use, and disposal of all of these products have been negatively affecting the environment for decades and will continue to do so for centuries to come.

Pants 14,209 17 suddenly realizes that the majority of the examples above were created by men.
10/05/2009 01:24 PM

Frost!

KChillie 124,276 89
10/05/2009 02:11 PM

Waste:
Paper towels, tampons, sanitary napkins, swiffers, disposable diapers, disposable toilet brushes, and other such tools of sloth could be replaced with one simple and easily accessible tool, the dish rag.

The only problem with this is that everything starts smelling like dishrag.

Shell Belle 76,640 24
10/05/2009 03:01 PM

I have two things to say to this:

1) I don't think it would be a good idea to use a dishrag as a tampon.

2) There is no secret plot against men. Really. I don't know what she's talking about. Those turkey basters in our utensil drawers are not being used for anything other than basting turkeys. Yep.

Pants 14,209 17
10/05/2009 03:17 PM

1) I don't think it would be a good idea to use a dishrag as a tampon.

I don't see why not. You could wring it out, waShakespeare, and, depending on the size of your hoo haw, either ball it or twist it up and jam that Froster back up in there.

There is a reason why it's referred to as "being on the rag."

Shell Belle 76,640 24
10/05/2009 03:27 PM

jam that Froster back up in there


I'd be glad to. Bend over.

Yuoaman 123 6
10/05/2009 03:31 PM

There is a reason why it's referred to as "being on the rag."

You could also... I don't know... use it as a pad? Decreasing the discomfort caused by jamming a dish rag up there... and junk.

cycoivan 11,324 11
10/05/2009 03:37 PM

There is no secret plot against men. Really. I don't know what she's talking about. Those turkey basters in our utensil drawers are not being used for anything other than basting turkeys. Yep.

Basting it with delicious semen right? C'mon you can let me know, I promise not to tell.

Millie 116,854 28
10/05/2009 07:56 PM

Fishgirl, don't let them bother you. They can't laugh at themselves. I feel kind of bad for them.

Pants 14,209 17 gives Millie a big warm hug then smacks her on the ass.
10/05/2009 08:03 PM

Now don't you have some dishes to wash?