Cruz : Always uses lube 9,993 12
10/04/2009 02:21 PM

Chickens is not allowed to post in this thread.

Because Chickens is a viable candidate for president and we might go giving him ideas ?

MungChamp 35,891 35
10/04/2009 02:42 PM

I will post for Chickens.

Professor Fucksock 1,133 3
10/04/2009 04:10 PM

I'd have sexy parties in the Whitehouse...

The Mailman 176,467 56
10/04/2009 05:24 PM

If I were president, I would allow Chickens to post in this thread.

Dr. Shempenstein's Monster 22,222 17
10/04/2009 05:34 PM

If I were president I would ban the following:

The phrases,


"For a minute"- As in, "I've been trying to hit that for like a minute."
- A minute, no matter how short your attention span, is not a long time.


"Don't be that guy."- As in, "Man why do you have to be so sensitive, dont be that guy."
- Frost you, I'll be whatever guy I wanna be.


"It is what it is."- As in, "I know I cheated on you honey, but it is what it is."
- People who say this are usually caught red handed doing something wrong. And they are too stupid to come up with a good excuse, other then , "It is what it is."


I'd also make it legal to spade or neuter people who have kids they can not afford to feed.

Thud 68,517 19
10/04/2009 06:48 PM

If I was President I would be banging Michelle Obama.

Chance 171,275 14
10/04/2009 06:55 PM

If I were president I would make PMS and acceptable excuse for killing a man.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
10/04/2009 08:18 PM

If I was President I would try my best to make America into a utopia. Poverty would be gone. War would be a thing of the past. I would fix everything wrong in the world. Or, I would blow up Utah. I've never trusted those Frosters.

TheFoye 55,700 16
10/04/2009 08:30 PM

If I was President I would get a blow job by a fat chick.



I am well aware that it has been done, I stand by my statement.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/04/2009 08:57 PM

ZuG15 D.C., anyone?

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
10/04/2009 10:22 PM

If I were President I would pull the fire alarms at work on a regular basis.

PorterHouse Steak 477 4
10/05/2009 06:16 AM

If I were President I would have
Shemp's Nerds

Fight My Nerds

in my own private battle field in the backyard of the Whitehouse and watch as my Super Segway Nerds destroy the Wimpy Gay Nerds of Shemp.

Just Ravos 63,472 21
10/05/2009 07:21 AM

I'd also make it legal to spade or neuter people who have kids they can not afford to feed.

Spade? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

KChillie 128,446 98
10/05/2009 07:33 AM

...do two chicks at once.

[/obligatory]

the fun in disfunctional 1,970 6
10/05/2009 08:00 AM

No more onions would mean not even the slightest chance of another "sliver" story from UnderWhere. The all time best "snorting coffee out of my nose onto my keyboard at 8:30am" story ever!

cycoivan 11,330 11
10/05/2009 08:55 AM

If I were President, I would make campaign promises that I can't keep. I will take campaign donations from wealthy corporations and use my influence to try and push through legislation that's favorable to them. I'll swear a lot and pretend I didn't know the mic was on. I'll start useless wars and keep them going for years. I'll destroy the economy and love every minute of it.

I figure if a chimp like Bush can get away with it, so can I.

Pubah 56,851 18
10/08/2009 05:39 PM

If I were President...
...I couldn't do much of anything important without Congress.
Anyway:
I'd slap the Shakespeare out of Dubaya and DARE his Secret Service Agents to do anything about it (Sitting Presidents get the biggest and baddest Secret Service Agents).
Yes, Dick (face) Cheney would get his ass kicked too.

I'd either find Osama Bin Laden and wax his ass and get the Frost out of Afganastan, or just get the Frost out of Afganaastan, reducing Federal spending by a Shakespeareload.

I'd stop Federal Aid to countries that piss me off, saving another Shakespeareload of money.

I'd divide that Shakespeareload of money by the people who've PAID their income taxes and send em a big fat Stimulus Check.

And many many more things. Which is why I'll never be President of the United States.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,413 0
10/08/2009 05:50 PM

Oh, that's easy. I'd cover all freeways with grass so you could only use a bike and have the bushes on the sides of freeways all changed to pot plants.
I'd make Crayon the only official writing tool for official documents. Pens would be banned.
Finally, all sex would become legal. Man/man, woman/woman, woman/animal, man/6 year old, man/watermelon on 6th Ave. on the corner, you name it.

Bean 8,607 19
10/08/2009 06:02 PM

I would go to Texas and pick up Bonky, then together we'd drive to Area 51 and demand entry. Once there, we'd get the VIP tour and see all the aliens and space craft they have hidden there. Then I'd make sure they allowed Bonky to fly any of the space ships she wanted.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77 No more onions would mean not even the slightest chance of another "sliver" story from UnderWhere. The all time best "snorting coffee out of my nose onto my keyboard at 8:30am" story ever!
10/08/2009 07:14 PM

I am really hoping that there will never be another one.

If you're interested, Chance has the original one in a jar, though I'm not sure if she's accepting bids at this time.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
10/08/2009 07:15 PM

What the Frost? I thought I clicked on the quote tag - why does the action icon look like a guy being quoted? GAH.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,413 0
10/08/2009 07:16 PM

If you're interested, Chance has the original one in a jar, though I'm not sure if she's accepting bids at this time.

An original onion? Wow.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
10/08/2009 09:58 PM

Fellow mug, my onion is infamous.

Mielke...some thing good to eat! 1,482 6
10/08/2009 11:44 PM

If I were President.......I would be in the wrong Frost-ing country

But meh it would be better than being a Prime Minister.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,413 0
10/08/2009 11:55 PM

Fellow mug, my onion is infamous.

And whatever came of old Spicey, anyway? Was it the onion that did it?

Frogpop 173,153 25
10/09/2009 04:24 AM

If I were President I'd win the Nobel Peace Prize.



Then I'd tell Matt Lauer to suck it.



Then I'd watch Chicken's head explode.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/09/2009 05:51 AM

I'd make Frogpop the official soda of the United States. And I'd put Ann Coulter in the next spacecraft to be crashed into the moon.

Ghost of Chickens Past 286,634 61
10/09/2009 07:48 AM

Winning the NPP at this point is like winning the special olympics....

KChiki #668 - Neighbor of the Beast 128,446 98
10/09/2009 08:23 AM

But the U.S. doesn't award the NPP. How can it be wrong?

I'm so confused this morning...

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 11,330 11
10/09/2009 09:03 AM

I'd make Frogpop the official soda of the United States. And I'd put Ann Coulter in the next spacecraft to be crashed into the moon.

If you throw in O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Hannity, and Glenn Beck on that shuttle, I'll vote for you....twice.

Of course if you throw that much suck at the moon at once you may very well destroy it, but who gives a crap abou the moon?

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,413 0
10/09/2009 10:16 AM

Winning the NPP at this point is like winning the special olympics...

I think I will never understand how conservatives can act like everyone on Earth agrees with them, save a small handful of Liberals, when they are like less than 1% of the worlds population by ideology.

Pubah 56,851 18
10/09/2009 11:32 AM

On second thought...

I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the war,
make sweet love to you in The Oval Office.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 11,330 11
10/09/2009 11:36 AM

I think I will never understand how conservatives can act like everyone on Earth agrees with them, save a small handful of Liberals, when they are like less than 1% of the worlds population by ideology.

But they have GAWD on their side. Therefore, like their position on the political spectrum, they are always right.

Millie 116,988 28
10/09/2009 06:54 PM

If I was President I would get a blow job by a fat chick.

I'm pretty sure that's already happened, Foye.

O.K, if I were president? Well, I don't think anyone would let me paint the White House exterior, even though it's bland. And the interior is kind of historic. So I'd have to keep my opinions on decor to myself.

I'd plant pot plants in the Rose Garden--just to show that it's an indigenous plant and should be legal.

I'd piss off and offend all members of both houses of congress AND the Supreme Court. It may not be easy, but I'm sure I could do it.

I'd probably get really drunk at at least one state dinner and embarrass myself.

I'd adopt a Shakespeareload of dogs and cats from the animal shelter and allow them to roam the White House at will.

I'd show all the Obama-haters what a Socialist REALLY looks like.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/09/2009 07:12 PM

I'd show all the Obama-haters what a Socialist REALLY looks like.


Rock on, Sister Millie!

hairy kari gal 14,803 17
10/09/2009 07:51 PM

I'd adopt a Shakespeareload of dogs and cats from the animal shelter and allow them to roam the White House at will.


Who will you hire to pick up their Shakespeare?

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 11,330 11
10/09/2009 09:32 PM

President Cyco would mandate that all debates in Congress that cannot be settled in a day would be settled by a random competition. There would be random acts in a barrel ranging from sumo wrestling, hot dog eating, throwing a better Super Bowl prank than John Hargrave. They bring the issue to me, I pick a challenge from the barrel and once a week we televise all the competitions and use the revenue from the show to pay down the national debt.

Wouldn't you watch a drinking contest between Ted Kennedy (were he still alive) and Orrin Hatch? A mud wrestling match between Barbara Boxer and Olympia Snowe? Russ Feingold against Joe Lieberman in a brat eating contest? The possibilities are endless.

I'd impose a 12 year limit on all Congress members. There's too many old crusty mother-Frosters in there who are so entrenched in the political system that they've forgotten what it's like to be working for the people who put them there. Fresh faces = fresh ideas in my opinion.

President Cyco believes in the following:
Prostitution - Legalize it
Marijuana - Legalize it
Exporting Jobs - Frost that Shakespeare, bring them back to the US
Health Care - Nationalized with premiums determined on income
Tobacco - Stop taxing the Frost out of it
Drinking - A national DUI law. 3 strikes and you will never drive again. Wisconsin has a good amount of people who have 10+ DUI's. Those retards piss me off.

I'm Cyco Ivan and I approved this message

TheFoye 55,700 16
10/11/2009 12:32 AM

If I was President I would get a blow job by a fat chick.

I'm pretty sure that's already happened, Foye.


Thanks Millie, I forgot to add:

I am well aware that it has been done, I stand by my statement.

cakes and ale 2,404 6
10/11/2009 12:38 AM

Um, Foye? You don't have to be President to get a fat chick to blow you. Just good snacks.

TheFoye 55,700 16
10/11/2009 12:40 AM

Um, Foye? You don't have to be President to get a fat chick to blow you. Just good snacks.

Hey, don't talk to me about fat chicks, I'm an expert.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,413 0
10/11/2009 01:03 AM

Fat chicks give the best head on a ratio on par with the number of Jenny's that will put out the first hour you meet them.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 11,330 11
10/11/2009 01:06 AM

It's OK, as long as they don't get confused and think it's a drumstick or a hot dog. It's not pretty when that happens.

Ghost Lobstah: BOO! 18,572 33
10/14/2009 08:18 PM

If I were President:

I would kill anyone who says the holocaust didn't happen.

I would legalize marijuana. Not for personal use, but for all you whiny Frosters that are too lazy to move to Canada.

Cheetos would become the national mascot.

Kool-Aid would be illegal.

So would Miracle Whip.

You would refer to me as the banana queen, and AC as the banana king, and our offspring as plantains, and the USA would have its name changed to The Banana Republica.

KJ's wouldn't have a bad rep.

Children would believe in the Chrissmakkuh goddess, instead of Santa Claus.

Dogs Akimbo 211,612 32
10/14/2009 09:01 PM

If I were president, I'd hammer in the morning.

WE tar TED 17 3
10/14/2009 10:17 PM

I'm new...but if I were President:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio would run ALL prisons...(look him up if you don't know who he is...pink undies for all!!)

Death Row would be renamed Death Now because once convicted, they'd be killed immediately.

Child molesters would get Death Now. (see above)

The fast lane would actually be the fast lane. If you want to drive slow, get off the Highway.

The 80s would stay out of style.

Airline seating would stay the same. (No I'm not making the seating bigger because you don't want to give up your hamburger and fries.)

Amityville Ravos 63,472 21
10/15/2009 06:43 AM

If I were president, it would mean people voted for me and Shakespeare.

Ghost of Chickens Past 286,634 61
10/15/2009 12:02 PM

You had me till 80's stay out of style.

walks away whistling 99 luft ballons.

Mancrow 21,658 29
10/15/2009 04:11 PM

You had me till 80's stay out of style.

He had me till "I'm new."

Mancrow 21,658 29
10/15/2009 04:11 PM

Wait, what?

Pubah, The Brain that Wouldn't Die 56,851 18 Now realizes why he's alway's had the hots for Lobstah...
10/16/2009 12:51 PM

She loves Karaoke (disc) Jockeys...