I did propose once but she wanted to finish middle school before she got into something that commited.

I 5 orbed that because I did almost the exact same thing, except she didn't make me get on one knee and I cheaped out on the ring.

I haven't heard the end of it for 7 years. Are you in the same boat?

It's funny to me, but she always brings that up to show what an uncaring bastard I am, but she knew that coming in, and STILL married me. It just proves that chicks are retarded for diamonds, even small flecks of them.

I nipped the griping in the bud by buying us nice rings. They say silence is golden, and it truely is if you stick a diamond on there.

I took my wife on a helicopter ride over Oahu and had "Will you marry me?" written in the sand. I orchestrated the event over several months and paid locals to dig in the sand large enough for us to see overhead. The event was covered by local media and we still talk about it to this day.

Apparently, I could have done much worse.


Jerks.

I have 2 ex-husbands, or 3 if you count my baby daddy as a common law spouse.

Anyway, I was sick of the "dream marriage fairy tale" so much that I was content to "live in sin".

And then he did it; He walked into my private sanctuary while I was reading Newsweek, got down on one knee and said those horrific words: "Will you marry me?"

I was so taken aback that I started crying. Not out of happiness, but out of fear and anger. I knew it wouldn't be appropriate to punch him in the suck, so I just kept crying.

About 4 hours later, when I was able to speak more than gibberish, I told him that I had to think about it.

After weeks of tending to the lawn, washing dishes, washing clothes, and being nothing other than a stand up guy, I said, "Yes". And I explained to him that he needed to be aware of the calendar and not asked me any serious questions when I was PMSing.

Several months later we married in a simple, casual ceremony on the beach and then had our reception in a restaurant on the intercoastal waterway. (that's a story in itself)

To this day, when I see him looking at the calendar I'll ask, "What?" The reply will either be, "Oh, nothing" or "Sweet, there is something we need to buy."

We currently have 2 boats, 4 dogs, a giant pick-up truck, and an amazing jacuzzi.

P.S. GIRLS TAKE NOTE: The grass is dying, the dogs have ruined the lawn, there are dirty dishes in the sink, the boat's broke, and he leaves his skid row underwear on the floor next to the hamper.

All in all, we've been married longer than my exes and I had been together, combined.

The bottom line is: TIMING is everything.

And when I catch him telling the story about how I left him emotionally shredded for several weeks before complying to his request, I remind him that he was a stupid Emerson for not checking the calendar.

I didn't get down on one knee, but I did say, "Will you marry me?"

She replied, "Are you serious?"

To which I responded, "Does this look serious," and whipped out the ring that I'd saved two months worth of my college work study funds to finance.

Luckily I didn't know enough to be embarassed and she didn't know enough to expect more. In any case, that was almost 25 years ago and we're still married.

Laying in bed exhausted a few nights ago, doing the pillow blathering thing:

Me: Hey Lobster...

Lobster: Yeah...

Me: Can I ask you something serious that I want you to sincerely consider?

Lobster: Of course.

Me: Will you marry (pause for effect) ...




Me: ... nate me some ribs tomorrow for the weekend.

I STILL WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE HAPPY SACK FOR THAT, Emerson!!!

Go ahead and punch him, but afterwards, count your blessings that you weren't given that opportunity. You've done a bunch of stupid things lately. You could just let that streak die out. There's no need to cap it off with some ultimate act of stupidity.

I will marry him eventually. He has the only key to the GPS device attached to my ankle. Because I love him, and he's so very good to me. Just not tomorrow or anything.

You already have a kid together, and you already live together. So I hate to tell you this, but it gives me great glee to tell you that if you're not married in six months, you'll have broken up within a year. And if you are married in six months, you'll be divorced in two years.

Congratulations!

That's where you're wrong, Whistler. So.Very.Wrong.

Two words old boy:

Anal butt-sex

Those words didn't have anything to do with anything, but there you go. Think about it.

I dated her whilst she was knocked up from someone else. Never thought I'd say it, but you ought to take some clues from old Bill and stick with the white trash aspect as closely as possible. It's sure-fire everytime.

Also, why break up when you can just make more room or scoot over? We have a big bed.

I dated her whilst she was knocked up from someone else.


BOOYAH!


Oh, wait, nevermind.....

So we can expect a visit to the Maury show? You know that'd be a really sweet prank, to get A.C. and several other people fighting over who gets to be the babydaddy, only to have a big hug and vow to take care of the baby together ala Guttenberg, Selleck, and Danson in 3 Men and a Baby.

No. I know who the babydaddy is, but AC is a much better choice as one to raise her.

AC is a much better choice as one to raise her.

Holy crap that's sad.

Raises the motha-Frostin' roof!

OH-OH!!! PARENTING SKILLS! OH SNAP!

I have a house full of fireworks, illegal substances, pornography, cutlery and arms, booze, and a knuckle sandwich on constant call.

I honestly don't lie on here. Lobster will tell you.

Had to mark out the booze. Where does that keep going?

I get home before you, dear. It goes down my throat.


Heh, that's what SHE said!

I happen to know of a very polite Ficus plant that will perform the wedding ceremony for you- cheap.

No. I know who the babydaddy is

Yeah, that's why it would be funny. Maury be all like 'and the father is....!!!! No one?' and then everyone would start fighting again.

My bad. A while back, Lobster told us that the baby daddy was a worthless piece of Shakespeare redneck jackass that she'd rather not have anything more to do with. So you can't really blame me for assuming it was you, Clock.


And by the way, all that contraband (less the violence) in the house is fine while the baby is an infant. Once he/she (I can't remember which flavor you guys have) is crawling around and getting into things, though, it's clean-up time. It doesn't matter how well you baby proof. There are some toddlers who would give Harry Houdini a run for his money at lockbreaking.

And here, Clock, let me save you the trouble of typing our your brilliant and witty comeback:


Yeah? Well yur gay Whistler.

Yeah, well that's actually where I probably would have said, "Yeah? Well yur gay Butt-Whistler."

I've been so wanting to use that.

Are you dudes going to propose to each other or get out?

So on to bad proposals...

The ex and I had decided to get married, I was 19, he was 21 and we were both broke, I worked at Wal-Mart so we went to the lovely Wal-Mart jewelry department, bought a ring for like 70 bucks, and instead of him saving it for a special occasion, he walked me to the back because my break was over, and asked me to marry him right there in the layaway department. It was pretty pathetic. That marriage lasted less than 2 years.

Oh yeah... the real kicker is that he didn't want to go to a real jewelry store because he didn't want to have to finance my ring. I would say a month or two later, he went and purchased a $500 surround sound system that he financed on store credit.

Spicey proposed to me with the help of SHP and I made a thread.

After re-reading it, I think I need to take a trip down south to kick Chicken's ass.



I can't believe no one zanibar'd this thread for Lobster yet.

I can't believe no one zanibar'd this thread for Lobster yet.

Wait, maybe it's because no one cares.

I dated her whilst she was knocked up from someone else. Never thought I'd say it, but you ought to take some clues from old Bill and stick with the white trash aspect as closely as possible. It's sure-fire everytime.


AC, I wrote this especially for you.




Old Froster: Never let them get to you. You will not like the road that will lead you down. Take nothing personally!


Young dipShakespeare: But he said bad stuff and hurt my feelings. I needed to stick up for my woman!


Old Froster: Shut up you whiny bitch!




fin

I can't believe no one zanibar'd this thread for Lobster yet.

You better believe I have it bookmarked, saved in favorites and printed out so I can have the URL tattooed on the inside of my forearm.

Yeah, that's why it would be funny. Maury be all like 'and the father is....!!!! No one?' and then everyone would start fighting again God would walk out on stage.

Oops, wrong fairy tale, I was thinking about that bible story with Jesus. That's a great one for the kiddies!

Sheesh Undies, I told him congrats.

How's that night court thing working out for you?

I had a bunch of buddies from my mens league softball team that decided during a mass intoxication binge to all make our own fully functional viking battle dress outfits for Halloween one year. We were a pretty dang impressive crowd with our homemade horned helmets, swords axes, leather tunics, fur leggings, etc. (we had never heard of larping, so this was just alcohol fueled creativity and testosterone fueled acting). People cleared the sidewalks for us.

Right about the same time of year, I decided Hen needed her some full time Chickens so one saturday morning we had a full fledged viking battle on the lawn outside her condo. Gathered a crowd of like 50 people. By the time the battle clatter and war cries died down, Hen had come out of her condo and was looking quite embarassed. I was the sole Viking left standing, so I approached the fair maid and dropped to one knee.

"Are you serious?"

"Do I look serious?"

"Well, no, not really."

"Well I am."

"Well, yes then?" (she was waiting for the punch line, she knew me well)

We sent it in to AFHV but never got a response. So basically, our video was not as good as the millionth rerun of some kid hitting his dad in the nads with a wiffle bat.

Hmmm... well, I saved money for 4 years, bought a 1 ct. diamond and custom designed a ring.

Then I flew to Oregon without her knowing (she was in grad school) and surprised her on our 8th anniversary with her favorite flowers and the ring.

Talk about horrendous!

We sent it in to AFHV but never got a response. So basically, our video was not as good as the millionth rerun of some [strike]kid[/strike] girl hitting [strike]his dad[/strike] a comedy website host in the nads with a [strike]wiffle bat[/strike]softball.

I suck at internetting.

Man! I know some of you folks out there are on your fifth or sixth marriage, so the odds are against my proposal being the worst.

Someone needs to tell their shameful and horrific story so I can show it to my wife and say "See? It could have been worse."

Oh and you folks who put actual effort and planning into your proposal are making the rest of us look bad nautious.

Nautious?

I had a bunch of buddies from my mens league softball team

Men? Softball? What is this travesty!?

Nautious?

Nautilus?

Don't worry, I have a call in to my dominatrix to spank me for that misspelling.

By "mens softball league" what Chickens means is "gay theatre group".

Old Froster: Never let them get to you. You will not like the road that will lead you down. Take nothing personally!


Young dipShakespeare: But he said bad stuff and hurt my feelings. I needed to stick up for my woman!


Old Froster: Shut up you whiny bitch!


Young dipShakespeare: I didn't really take any of it personally, but thanks for the advice.


Old Froster: No problem, I am a font of knowledge when it comes to relationship and life advice.


Young dipShakespeare: Well, I'm going to return to my house, eat my warm dinner, and go to sleep in my warm bed next to my woman now.


Old Froster: I'll figure out somewhere to go too. I'm not allowed in my house and the woman who said she'd spend the rest of her life with me would rather live alone in a world of both figurative and literal darkness than have me anywhere near her.

I was going to say something extremely witty and funny but as I clicked reply I forgot it.

You're going to have to trust me on this one.

By "mens softball league" what Chickens means is "gay theatre group".

Hey, we won the city championship. And since we stricktly practiced don't ask, don't tell I can neither confirm nor deny the praticular gayness of of any of those guys, but the short stop did wear his pants a bit tight.

Not that I noticed. Dang this no takebacks feature on ZuG!

One day, My wife said that we were going to get married or she would either call the cops and tell them that I "beat her all the time" so that I would get put in jail and ass raped all the time, or she would make me misserable for the rest of my life. So we got married and she still went ahead with her second threat and made me misserable, probably for the rest of my life too.

I said, "August would be a good time for us to get married."

He said, "O.K."

We were married for nine years. I did not want an engagement ring because I am against the symbolism, and if I did have one, it sure as hell would not have been a diamond.

Sure it was lame as far as a proposal, but who gives a Shakespeare? It's the marriage that counts. Ours was pretty good, believe it or not. We got divorced for a number of reasons, but not because we didn't love each other.

I will never get married again. If someone proposes to me, I will dump him.

Men my age seem to want to get married. Maybe some of you married men my age don't believe it, but it's true. Every man I've dated since my divorce, with the exception of one, has been interested in being married. I think they miss having a woman make all the decisions. I'm not interested.

Millie, you're going to wind up in some government funded retirement home and die a very lonely, hateful person. You need to drop your ego and use your good looks to your advantage. Find someone with money and marry them.

You sound like 50 year old teenager...

Geez. Now that was a pretty bad proposal Manhole.

I think Manhole is trying to get Millie to propose.

Men Strange internet women my age seem to want to get married. Maybe some of you married men my age don't believe it, but it's true. Every man I've dated since my divorce Every woman I've met on the internet, with the exception of one, has been interested in being married. I think they miss having want to have an amazing artist make all the decisions redo their kitchen. I'm not interested.

See, that explains why she said no when I proposed!

Old Froster: I'll figure out somewhere to go too. I'm not allowed in my house and the woman who said she'd spend the rest of her life with me would rather live alone in a world of both figurative and literal darkness than have me anywhere near her.

Nice! 5 4 u

Thank you sir.

I can't lie. I was a little proud of that one.

Meh, I agree with Millie. If I like someone enough to keep them around for an extended period of time I don't see any reason to get the government involved. Plus I really don't like people messing with my stuff.

I think they miss having a woman make all the decisions.

If that's the way you feel about the men your age, Millie, then you need to find a real man, and not a woman with a dick. AC and I collaborate on all decisions made in our house, and usually I win, but he has an input at the very least, and doesn't just let me run things without his knowledge. I respect him more because he stands up for himself.

Dude Lobsatah you're like, younger than me. I don't really think people our age should be telling Millie she just "hasn't dated the right kind of guy." I've accepted that I won't know Shakespeare about Shakespeare until I'm at least 35. Plus using your own relationship as a basis for argument is only valid after decades of marriage. You've yet to prove anything by tirelessly defending each other/your relationship in every damn thread.

The worst time to propose is when you are both falling to your deaths.

You: "Hey, the parachute just broke. You want to get married?"

Her: "AAAAAHHHH!!"

You: "AAAAAHHHH!"

Her: Yes it's a yes, but you suck!

Me: *reaching out to grab her* Is that an order?

So...... she is a he?

Heh. Men always take everything so personally. I guess that's what happens when it's all about you. Every time I say I won't get married again some d-bag takes at as a personal affront. Get over it.

I think I've had more than my share of marriage proposals; so I'll just give you all the top 3 worst.
Well I was about 17; and my period was late. I went for a walk with my boyfriend, and told him this news. His response "Well I guess we should get married." I stopped turned looked him in the eye and said "I'm not getting married just because I'm pregnant!" I then angrily walked home by myself. I went to the doctor and found out I was not pregnant. We soon broke up; he tried to date a friend of mine. She was nice enough to tell me; how he had brought her some red roses. She felt bad about it. I know she wasn't lying.

A little over a year later, my ex shows up at my beauty college with a dozen red roses (instantly put me on my guard) asked to take me to lunch, as he needed to talk to me. I went; and he took me to the most glamorus pizza parlour in town. He pulled out a ring, unkown if the diamond was real or not, and asked me to marry him. I said no and kinda laughed at him. I felt he had maybe already asked someone else who said no. Like he didn't want the ring to go to waste.

The next bad proposal happened one christmas. My then boyfriend had bought me this nice steiff toy dog. I liked it; thought it a bit odd. I was 22; not really into buying stuffed toys anymore. Then after a few minutes he said to look at it's ears. I did; they were pierced with diamond earings. I thanked him and thought how clever and sweet. He said he had wanted to get me an engagement ring, but wasn't sure if he should. I said if he was serious we would need to change a few things about our relationship. Never saw that ring. We soon broke up.

I said if he was serious we would need to change a few things about our relationship.

You wanted to be the man?

You wanted to be the man?

Yeah! Of course.





Nah, I wanted him to stop using drugs.