The Infiltrator: Can Crazy People Buy Guns? Part 3
A comedy article
by Harmon Leon  1,995  4
10/08/2009 07:47 AM 3958 views
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I, Harmon Leon, professional infiltrator and educator to all, took it upon myself to demonstrate just how inexplicably easy it is to buy a gun in America. [Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.]
Gun Shop Number Two: The mother of all gun stores, among some strip joints in the San Mateo area.
For my journey to Gun Store Number Two, I have changed into my "gangsta" look, with a pair of dark black shades and a black stocking cap over my long dreadlocks. I have also used black marker to write the letters G-U-N-S across the knuckles of both hands. I want them to know I'm serious about weaponry.
I saunter into the store. The clerk has long hair and a Ministry T-shirt, and is standing in front of a row of assault weapons. This place is definitely more like the Head Shop of gun stores. I walk right up to the Gun Dude.
"I want some assault weapons," I say.
"What are you looking for?" he asks, apparently unfazed by my appearance, my demand, or my smell.
"The one that shoots the most rounds," I reply.
The clerk glances down at the word G-U-N-S written across my knuckles. "Is that a real tattoo?" he asks. I nod my head, smiling. "Frostin' A," I say, while the Gun Dude gives me a look that says "Hey, where can I get one of those?"
Just a few of the guns I fondled while acting like a nut.
I start looking at a large variety of soon-to-be-banned assault weapons, everything from AK-47's to Uzis. I hold each gun and proceed to make shooting noises.
"Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam!" I say.
The Gun Dude seems to share my enthusiasm.
"You can actually put two magazines on the Mach 91 and get 50 rounds," he says.
"Cool!" I mutter, muddled by the technical jargon.
"And with the Sniper Rifle, if you point at it, you'll pretty much hit it," he continues.
"Do you sell armor-piercing bullets?" I ask.
"No, they're illegal," he replies, looking sorry.
"Damn!"
Determined not to be put off, I tell the Gun Dude I need "lots" of assault weapons, spreading my arms out to demonstrate. I tell him I'll be in tomorrow, and that I'll be paying in cash. But the Gun Dude ends up creepifying me when he tells me to hurry because, ever since the gun ban, the assault weapons have been "selling like hotcakes."
So acting like a gun-crazed moron didn't faze Gun Shop Number Two. I was determined to find someone who would hesitate to sell a gun to a lunatic. The situation called for more panache, more Old Milwaukee, and another costume change.
Next: The Craziest!
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Funny
5 votes
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hairy kari gal 7,930  9
10/08/2009 08:47 AM
Ishiba?
any marbles bouncing around in that head of yours?
*waits for next rant while in a lions pose.
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0 votes
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promethius 3 1
10/08/2009 09:01 AM
Again, the questions you're asking aren't "crazy", they're just not phrased normally. For example:
Armour piercing often refers to full metal jacket bullets with a steel tip, which carry their own advantages (stability over range, for one). You're not allowed to use them in california, but most gun owners nationwide use them to shoot long range shots, especially in large game hunting. Nothing mows down a t'd of bear like a high caliber armor piercing round.
Higher capacity magazines are another one that make common requests. This is because stopping to reload every 10 rounds is ANNOYING. It's similar to riding a roller coaster, except every time it goes down or around a corner you've got to go through that clack-clack-clack part again.
Some downsides I've seen so far: this guy was a chump. There's no such thing as an assault rifle purchaseable in california these days, and unless all of these weapons were "pre-ban" then none of them qualify. An assault rifle is one which has a selection level allowing for fully-automatic fire. Any gun store clerk should know this and should have corrected you on the terminology.
He also goofed on the term "sniper rifle", which also is a non-existant weapon. A sniper rifle refers to any rifle in the hands of a certified sniper, not a class of weapons. What he was referring to was a long range, high powered, mid to high caliber rifle. i guess kids who've only ever shot in video games get to work as gun store clerks today...
Seriously, ask him if they carry ballistics gel, a box of condoms, spray starch, and stuffed raccoons. That should get him to double take.
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Thud 55,293 12
10/08/2009 04:49 PM
I know which shop that was.
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opossum 0 1
10/18/2009 08:07 PM
Sheesh, how old is this article? Gun shops in CA can't transfer 10+ round magazines any more (as of 2000), there are a couple of separate "assault weapon bans" which would apply to almost all of the guns mentioned (1989 and 2000).
Either this article is complete bull or 10+ years old.
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