cakes and ale 2,137 4
10/11/2009 09:15 AM

When eating Pepperidge Farms Milano cookies, the paper divider is a signal to pause before continuing on to the next section stop.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,330 0
10/11/2009 09:18 AM

Eat what is on the plate the waiter brings, not the waiter.

cakes and ale 2,137 4
10/11/2009 09:33 AM

Always weigh yourself at the same time every morning. Weigh yourself again after taking a Shakespeare. That has to be worth at least a pound.

TheFoye 53,734 10
10/11/2009 09:35 AM

I have heard that bulimia and anorexia are two excellent weight loss programs.

TheFoye 53,734 10
10/11/2009 09:38 AM

If that fails you, try crack or meth.

Reverend Dave 'Hell' Rodriguez 2,330 0
10/11/2009 10:05 AM

Watch 'Hungry Bitches' after every meal.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 9,055 6
10/11/2009 10:10 AM

Find a hobby to take your mind off of food, like stealing or murdering people. If you get caught, you'll probably lose weight in jail where you can't stuff your face with chocolate.

Ironbuttkickinsnork 44,997 8
10/11/2009 03:46 PM

Killing Yourself,, is proved by science to be the fastest lose-weight-fast program! Try Killing Yourself,, today!

Mancrow 7,854 8
10/11/2009 05:09 PM

So... what's the rule?

STOP Frost-ing EATING!

The Thief of Always 220 4
10/11/2009 05:33 PM

Eat everything and suck in your stomach

Whistler P. McMadness 1,400 5
10/11/2009 07:40 PM

Garnish your food with a little bit of feces, that way you won't want to eat as much!

Pubah 47,449 11
10/12/2009 07:13 AM

Excercise!!!

Pram 53,478 11
10/12/2009 01:45 PM

There's a faster way to lose weight. Just cut the fat out with a surgeon's scalpal and then use spray adhesive to stick the skin back together.

Disclaimer: Might not work.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 9,055 6
10/12/2009 05:44 PM

The rule is if you're giving head 10 times a day don't swallow. You'll save like a 50 to 250 calories that way.

Pubah 47,449 11
10/12/2009 07:04 PM

Semen has calories? Maybe that's the reason plump women give the best head...they have the most practicce.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 9,055 6
10/12/2009 07:24 PM

Yup according to these guys

I'm not sure what's worse, that someone asked or that they actually tested it to find out....or that I can now tell my wife I have a 100 calorie pack desert in my pants.

Pubah 47,449 11
10/12/2009 07:50 PM

Good to remember if you're ever stuck out in the woods together...you shoot deer, you eat deer, she eats you...

Gonzo 17,604 12
10/12/2009 07:53 PM

I've seen meth work wonders at turning 20-year-old butter-trolls into 60-year-old-looking stick-figures.

Cyco Chainsaw Massacre 9,055 6
10/13/2009 01:32 AM

Meth is very effective.

Before


After

Pubah 47,449 11
10/13/2009 05:41 AM

Did you kick her ass or push her down a flight of stairs?

Mielke...some thing good to eat! 1,438 3
10/13/2009 07:27 AM

The above pictures only prove that she "listened" much better when she was chunky!

TropicalChris 3 1
11/07/2009 11:06 AM

Keep a picture of Hillary Clinton in your wallet and look at it before ordering your next meal. Salad followed by bathroom and toothbrush in throat will ensue.

If no picture of Hill-dog is readily available, think of Rosie Odonell...but ensure no firearms are nearby for your own safety.

Lorenzo Duke 3,049 6
11/07/2009 09:54 PM

No one really needs an appendix.

Lorenzo Duke 3,049 6
11/07/2009 09:54 PM

Or two kidneys.

A.C. with built in Horn of Plenty 5,980 4
11/07/2009 10:17 PM

A lot of people don't need typing fingers.

Trickster 171 1
11/08/2009 02:22 AM

Only eat food beginning with the letter X.

A hunk o' burning Ravos 34,380 10
11/09/2009 05:58 PM

I'm pretty sure Acai berry is the cure-all.

hairy punkin pie gal 5,576 7
11/09/2009 06:08 PM

lob a tit off