Biting People For Shoes: The Worst "Prank" Ever
A funny link
by Luke McKinney  5,361  28
10/24/2009 12:10 PM 2043 views
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You can be a "Prankster" or a "Rabid Dog," but not both, and amazingly that's relevant to a real criminal case. Master thief James Vidito combined a seven year old boy, the spirit of the tiger, unbelievable dialogue and armed confrontation to end up with - instead of the anime series you might be expecting - an extremely embarrassing arrest.
James Vidito
James lifted a hundred dollar pair of shoes with the ingenious plan of "putting them on and walking out of the store." We don't want to spoil the ending, but when even a department store security guard foils your scheme it might be the stupidest thing ever - unless you're James Vidito! He can make things WAY stupider! He bit the security guard and was then restrained by two random passers-by. Understand: this is someone so stupid random people in the street feel compelled to bring him to justice.
The "prank" part arrived shortly after the police, when James - who had just bit another human being over a pair of shoes - first attempted to bite the police too. He missed. He then insisted he should be released without charge because it was all a joke. By which logic Bill Murray wouldn't have needed a cunning plan in that movie, he could have just walked out of the bank with all the money*.
Like diplomatic immunity but with comedy.
*Editor's note: if you haven't seen Quick Change, you've got far worse comedy-deficiency problems than not getting this reference.
Our cunning criminal then moved his strategy to second-grade level - which, considering his previous plan was eating people, was actually a considerable improvement - by saying that a bunch of big boys did it and ran away. Seriously. He claimed that his walking into a store and stealing things was because a group of men he didn't know had dared him to steal the boots. They made him do it. Unless Uri Geller is on the loose and considerably shorter on shoes than previously believed, we can discount this theory.
It was honestly the worst plan in the history of awful plans. The "prank" alibi actually makes him stupider than a wild animal - a bear could conceivably lift something on a store and commit assault and battery on the way out, but at least it wouldn't claim that was funny enough to suspend legal process. And if your approach to conflict resolution is sinking your teeth into people you god damn better be Dracula.
You don't want to be bitten by any of these, but at least with the first two it makes sense.
And now the link:
http://www.metrowestdailynews.com/news/x897599175
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.3
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Chuckleworthy
5 votes
2.4
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Brad Poynter 14,752  22
10/26/2009 11:14 AM
Is it just me or do his eyebrows look like they came from two different people?
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Gonzo 18,671 14
10/26/2009 01:18 PM
James Vidito combined a seven year old boy, the spirit of the tiger, unbelievable dialogue...
...the Strength of the Bear, the shape of a jackelope, the form of an ice syringe, the letter 'p', the number '2', and -- viewers like you.
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0 votes
0.0
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Yuoaman 109 4
10/26/2009 02:19 PM
I understand the guy's reasoning... Wait! They were magic shoes, right?!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Night of the Living Ravos 46,512 15
10/26/2009 02:29 PM
Sounds like something Pram would do.
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0 votes
0.0
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Pramable Lectern 63,618 27
10/26/2009 05:57 PM
...the Strength of the Bear, the shape of a jackelope, the form of an ice syringe, the letter 'p', the number '2', and -- viewers like you.
"Now with less funding!"
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