Night at the Haunted Asylum, Part Two: Attack of the Shack Hack A comedy article
by Ghostly Shell 76,640 24 11/02/2009 10:24 AM 2066 views
At the end of Part One, I was just about to sit in on a session with a ghost box in a haunted asylum. As I said before, the ghost box is a device that continually scans up and down FM radio stations. Supposedly, spirits are able to use this as a conduit to communicate. Most investigators obtain these boxes by purchasing an inexpensive radio at Radio Shack and adjusting it so that it continually scans. Thus the term "Shack Hack."
Some investigators have claimed to get very good results with the ghost box. I remain skeptical. I have been present at more than a few sessions where this was being used. I have never heard anything other than static and jumbled words. Amazingly, some people manage to hear complete sentences where others only hear nonsense. They carry on lengthy conversations. With a box.
Here's a clip of the ghost box in action:
I tried to keep an open mind and give this technology a chance, I really did. That all ended when, during a session, I heard the name Beyonce come from the radio (which was most likely just a DJ on the radio saying that) and was mortified to see it twisted into a message from "Beyond" by others present. Or, maybe the ghost was just a fan of Beyonce. I suppose it's possible.
If the ghost liked it, then he shoulda put a ring on it.
Given that I'm skeptical of the ghost box, I suppose the most polite thing to do would be to either avoid the sessions altogether or sit quietly during them. I have done both of these, but every now and then, I find myself wondering what would happen if I just made something up, saying I had heard it come from the box. As I sat there that night, I had no intention of doing so at first, but as I listened to the questions and the subsequent "answers", I got more and more tempted. Since it was pretty dark, I couldn't see exactly who asked what, but this is a general idea of how it went:
Q: How many of you are here? What I heard: static What they heard: five
Q: Can you tell us your names? What I heard: snippets of words and static What they heard: Ann, Walt, James, Rose, Larry, Curly, and Moe
Are they speaking from beyond? Certainly!
And so it went. I quietly sat through a few more questions, waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump in. Finally it came. Someone asked, "Who are the shadow people that have been seen in the building?" I paused for a few seconds, listening intently to the static, and then I said, "Evil! Did anyone else hear it say evil?" There was another short pause, then from somewhere on my right: "That's what I was thinking I had heard!" Then from my left: "Yes, that's what I heard too." Holy crap! It actually worked! I probably should have been ashamed of myself at this point, but all I could do was stifle a giggle.
The questioning went on, having taken a decidedly dark turn. The power of suggestion is indeed a potent thing. I sat through the next few, and then took a turn to introduce one of my own. "Is there anything we can do for you?" I was completely prepared to "hear" the answer to this as well, but it turned out that I didn't have to. Someone to my left said in a shocked voice, "It said help us! Did anyone else hear that?" All around the circle, there were murmurs of assent. Monster effectively created, I said no more. The group was free to run with it.
And run with it they did. The ghost box was forgotten, and the session quickly turned into a discussion about demons and other dark forces. One particular woman had a lot to say on this. She spoke about evil entities that took control of human spirits and kept them from crossing over. She managed quite effectively to spook almost everyone in the room. Flashlights turned on. People remarked that the room was getting colder by the minute. Noises were heard. One man claimed to hear growling sounds coming from the hall. It was the beginning of a full-on freak out.
Sometimes, this can be the source of your worst fears.
Unfortunately, I wouldn't get to see it go any further, because the session was ended by a voice telling us it was time to change floors. The voice came from an actual man, one floor below. Not the box. Just in case you were wondering.
I made my way down to the fourth floor. Having had my fun for the evening, I was looking forward to some serious investigating. I was done messing with people. At least that's what my brain was saying. My body, however, hadn't gotten that message. In particular, my digestive system.
Shelle, you should have someone construct a ghost box for you. Only instead of being a standard ghost box, yours will play a pre-recorded fake stream. Include whatever you want, like "Leave us alone, you morons," or "You don't understand the power you have unleashed," or "The one in the blue shirt will die next Tuesday," things to that effect.
Bring your box to the next ghost hunter gathering and let the hilarity ensue!
This series is turning out to be fantastic, by the way. I'm loving it.
As luck would have it, I am leaving early tomorrow morning for Colorado. I will be staying at The Stanley Hotel, which was Stephen King's inspiration for The Shining. I will be there for four whole days! Yay!
If anyone has any prank suggestions, let me know. I'd be willing to try a few, but I don't want to get myself thrown out.
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