Night at the Haunted Asylum, Part Three: The Beast Within A comedy article
by Shell Belle | 11/03/2009 07:22 PM | 1179 views
At the end of Part Two, I had made my way to the fourth floor of the haunted asylum, and was preparing for some serious investigating. It didn't go quite the way I planned, though.
Who you gonna call?
I spent the first twenty minutes exploring various rooms. Other than being blinded once by a douche-light, it was uneventful. I was just about to get out my EMF meter and take some readings when I heard someone in the hall announce that they were starting an EVP session. It seemed like most of the group was planning to take part, so I decided to as well.
An EVP, or electronic voice phenomenon, occurs when voices which weren't heard by the investigators are captured on tape. Digital audio recorders are used for this. Are EVPs real? All I can say on that is that I have managed to catch a few of them myself. Can I say for sure that they are the spirits of the departed? No. But I can attest that they were not present at the time that the recordings were made. So I guess my answer to that question would be, "I think so, but I can't be sure." Boy, aren't you glad you asked? What? You didn't ask? Oh.
Digital audio recorder: captures voices of the dead
EVP sessions are conducted in much the same way as ghost box sessions. People turn on their digital recorders and sit quietly in the dark. They ask questions, pausing for a time in between to allow for a response, which will not be heard until the recording is played back. Some people like to ask a few questions and then play back to see if they've gotten anything. Some prefer to wait until the investigation is over and they are off-site. In order to keep errant noises to a minimum, there are a few rules that one should abide by during a session. First of all, no whispering. It is too easily mistaken for a spirit voice, especially days later. Also, if you are responsible for making any kind of noise during the session, such as a cough or a shuffle of your feet, you immediately make it known to the group by saying, "That was me" and telling them what kind of noise you had made.
Here is an EVP supposedly captured at Waverly:
I have also learned that, when an EVP session is in your near future, it is a bad idea to eat any foods that are likely to cause gas. No cabbage, beans, or broccoli, and most certainly no Taco Bell. You don't want people to be privy to the fact that a war is being waged within your intestines. With this guideline in mind, I had tried to play it safe with a dinner of chicken and dumplings and mashed potatoes. There had not been a sign of intestinal distress all evening. That is, until I sat down in that painfully silent, dark room.
Not a good pre-ghost hunting meal.
All was well for the first few minutes. Then, as someone on the other side of the room was asking a question, I heard it. Faint rumblings from within. I immediately clutched my stomach, hoping to restore quiet. But the beast within would not be silenced. It was going to have its say, come hell or high water. Across the room, the man finished his question and the room lapsed into silence. And then it happened.
"GRRRRRRR.."
It seemed very loud in that quiet room, and did not sound at all like a stomach growling. It was the sound of pure evil. Mixed with dumplings and mashed potatoes.
It did not go unnoticed, either. Around the room, there were several choruses of "What was that?" and "Did you hear that?" At this point, I was supposed to take responsibility for the noise and then everyone would have a good laugh and continue on. Having been distracted by the feeling that the worst was yet to come, however, I failed to do this. The group stayed quiet for another minute, waiting for someone to claim the noise. When no one did, they resumed the questions.
At least I assume that they resumed the questions. I honestly did not hear a thing. Sensing that my colon was in full revolt and was about to emit a hearty battle cry, I had taken to repeating a mantra over and over in my head:
Yeah, that worked about as well as you'd imagine. All hope abandoned, I hung my head and waited for the onslaught.
"GRRRRR.....PFFFFFFTTTTT"
It was kind of a combination stomach growl / fart. Two for the price of one! And it was just as loud as before. I was treated to one more round of "What was that?" and "Did you hear that?" This time there was also a "Was that someone's stomach?"
No amount of meditation will stop a fart.
That would have been the perfect time to speak up, but by that time I was too mortified to do so. Plus, any further emissions would have automatically been blamed on me. I really hope that most people, upon playing back their recorders, recognized those sounds for what they were and discounted them.
I guess it's entirely possible, though, that someone, somewhere, has a very unique EVP in their collection labeled "WAVERLY - DEMONIC GROWLING."
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